The Art Of Chinese Gift Giving Etiquette: Best And Worst Gifts

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Choosing and giving someone a gift can be hard. It could be a thank you gift, something for someone at their wedding, a parting present for someone on their last day at work or a birthday gift. To some of Chinese background, some gifts might be better than others.

Next month is my birthday. About a month ago, my Chinese-Malaysian parents asked me what I want for my birthday this year. That annoyed me – I don’t celebrate my birthday and don’t like attention. But I suppose they want to, and they know I’m a fussy person.

Sometimes when it’s our birthday, we get cake after dinner. Our birthday gift | Weekly Photo Challenge: Dinnertime.

Sometimes when it’s our birthday, we get cake after dinner. Our birthday gift | Weekly Photo Challenge: Dinnertime.

There is much superstition surrounding gift giving in Chinese culture. There are gifts which some believe bring the receiver good luck, and others not as much luck.

In Chinese culture, gifts that are associated with events we don’t want to happen tend to be avoided. Generally, taboo gifts in Chinese culture are tied to “touch wood” circumstances and language we’d rather distance ourselves from. For example, green hats are one such gifts: “wearing a green hat” or 戴绿帽子(dài lǜ mào zi) translates to unfaithful wife. Giving shoes and umbrellas are avoided as in Mandarin they refer to breaking up of a relationship or partnership.

When I was seven, I saw a green-coloured frog clock at a stall at the shopping centre in Malaysia and loved it. My family and I walked past this stall every Saturday, and each time I begged my parents for it, and begged even more when my eighth birthday approached. On my eighth birthday, I eagerly unwrapped my present from my parents to a…pile of Enid Blyton books. In hindsight, fair enough: “giving a clock” sounds like 送终 (sòng zhōng), which translates to “funeral ritual”.

For the typical Chinese person, gifts offering one positive sensory experiences are good gifts. Things that are good for the mind, body and soul make good gifts. Peaches, nuts, seeds and tea are known to have health benefits and considered prosperous presents. It’s probably why my mum comes round to cook vermicelli or claypot noodles on my birthday – not only are they healthy but they symbolise longetivity too.

Just like how each of us like different kinds of cakes, we warm towards certain gifts depending on what matters to us.

Just like how each of us like different kinds of cakes, we warm towards certain gifts depending on what matters to us.

It’s no surprise then good gifts in Chinese culture are tied with traditional customs and old-school trains of thought. Gifts that come in pairs or even sets – except in sets of 4 as the number four sounds like death in Mandarin – are popular, auspicious. Even better if the gifts are new as some Chinese reckon bad luck from the previous owner may be attached to second-hand items.

Practical gifts are favoured as well. Money sealed in red packets is a common gift at weddings and on birthdays. Same goes for porcelain cutlery and crockery with intricate patterns, especially the floral kind. One can choose to spend the money on what they like, and we could all do with a spare set of plates for guests coming over to eat. Now that I am older, my parents present me with a red packet when my birthday comes round – and tell me to put all the money in it in the bank.

On occasions, the more extravagant and expensive the gift, the more the gift giver might impress. But an overly lavish gift given to colleagues in China can be considered bribery, apart from letting one flaunt their wealth and giving them “face” in the world of business.

There is also the act of giving the gifts themselves, and opening them. My Chinese-Malaysian parents always taught me to use both hands to give and receive gifts; it’s a mark of respect. Some of us hesitate opening presents upon being handed them. No surprise since Asians can be reserved about expressing emotion, and traditionally in China people like to open gifts in private though this is changing.

Just as it takes time to make a good cake, it takes time to pick out a thoughtful gift for someone.

Just as it takes time to make a good cake, it takes time to pick out a thoughtful gift for someone.

There’s more to meets the eye when one hands over a gift. As French tragedian Pierre Corneille said on giving:

“The manner of giving is worth more than the gift.”

When we give someone a gift, we usually want them to like it or at the very least find some use for it. For the thoughtful among us, we want a gift to be meaningful and if it’s a truly meaningful gift, chances are it will be synonymous with the other person’s culture, beliefs and values. And for those of us receiving the gift, we’ll know it. On being thoughtful, author Wes Adamson said:

“The simple gift of giving becomes an elaborate rich aftertaste of a natural blissful feeling, lingering endlessly in my lifetime.”

Like a decadent slice of cake, a meaningful gift is one that touches us on the inside for a long time to come.

Like a decadent slice of cake, a meaningful gift is one that touches us on the inside for a long time to come.

A gift is more than a material object. Behind each gift given is a person thinking of you, coupled with memories spent with each other. When it comes to gift giving, whether we’re giving or receiving a gift, it’s the thought that counts and that’s what we remember.

Do you find it hard to pick a gift for someone?

276 thoughts on “The Art Of Chinese Gift Giving Etiquette: Best And Worst Gifts”

  1. A great piece, Mable, I learnt a lot.
    I find gift giving a very stressful experience, not because I an tight with my money, but because of the expectation that surrounds the whole practice. I never expect gifts from people and when I receive one, I am surprised and happy, but I have no expectation about the cost of the gift or its symbolism. My wife has a European background and gift giving is wrapped up in obligation and status, so if you receive a gift worth a certain amount, it needs to be reciprocated with a gift of equal or greater cost (which leads to what a call the gift giving arms race).
    I love giving (and receiving) home made gifts, like home made jams and pickles, which don’t have a monitory value, and so can reflect a genuine sense of thanks or acknowledgement of the occasion.

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    • Expectation. That is an excellent way to put it and an excellent word to bring up. Also, arms race. Very fitting. When it comes to gift giving, there is always quite a bit of an effort in the process, from thinking about the person to shipping it out. The status thing does put a bit of pressure on giving someone a gift. It sounds like your wife is quite familiar with this side of gifting and knows what gifts will work in her circle.

      Homemade gifts are lovely, I have to agree with you on that – especially if one takes the time to make them themselves. Those are the gifts that come straight from the heart. Genuine, as you so aptly put it.

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  2. Mabel I learned so much reading this post! I had no idea about all of the customs and guidelines behind giving. I am sorry to hear of Mr. Wobbles adventure with the vacuum cleaner. He looks like he has come through it very well. Wishing you a very happy birthday dear Mabel. May it be a special day for you and a joyous year ahead.

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    • Thanks, Sue. I really don’t do much for my birthday, and pretty sure the day will be low key and just like any other day 🙂 “…Mr. Wobbles adventure with the vacuum cleaner” You described Mr Wobbles’ plight so beautifully. You have a wonderful way with words 🙂

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  4. Try to enjoy your birthday, even if you don’t want to celebrate! Come on, you can’t be that old that you are sick of birthdays yet can you?

    Sometimes Chinese people are way too nice giving me gifts, particularly parents of students with bottles of wine. It’s a great cultural trait but I often feel self-conscious about not being able to keep up…

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    • I am older than most people think, at least that’s what I think. But not celebrating my birthday has nothing to do with my age. I really am not a fan of attention and I’m an introvert. Spending the day with one or two people is okay…but if it’s like a party, no way.

      If you like wine, good on you.

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  5. Hi Mabel… Have a wonderful birthday 🙂 this post was beautiful… For it brought out some raw emotions about giving and receiving gifts! I find gifting a big deal as well. For a friend’s birthday recently, I gifted her a sling bag but I was so unsure about whether she’d like it, the colour, the designs… Whether she’d use it often… But then I thought a gift is a small way to show them you care.. And that’s that! 🙂

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    • Thank you so much for the kind words, Aiswarya. A sling bag sounds like a practical gift, and if your friend doesn’t want to carry it out, she can always store things in it at home. That’s what I do to my bags at home anyway! Yes, gifting is about caring. Love how you say it, and thank you for the kind words 🙂

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  6. Hi Mabel! I loved this post and certainly learnt a lot about the natural customs in Chinese families. I’m glad you finally got your green clock and treasure it so much. Poor Mr Wobbles would not have liked the vacuum coming right at him! As we were discussing last night, I would like to become more and more of a minimalist. My birthdays in the past have consisted of lots of objects or clothes or vouchers that end up buying products that lie around my house. This year and from now on, I would like consumables as gifts. This means a nice food hamper that I will eat or I love bath products as I constantly take baths. Things that will be used and made good use of. Also experiences are nice so buying massage vouchers or getaways are great gifts. Francis and I are off to a vegan bed and breakfast for my birthday this year. I much prefer that to a solid gift I will stick somewhere and forget. I hope your birthday is enjoyable and that you are surrounded by love x

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    • It is so nice to hear that you are striving towards a minimalist life. “Consumables as gifts” is such a practical mentality and I really like that too. In a big way, it is also more environmental friendly and less wastage overall. Your birthday sounds like such a great one already, and I will be sure to look out for your bed and breakfast trip on your blog!

      At the end of the day, it is the memories of an event and with others that we remember. Some might say that material objects and gifts help us remember such moments (true), but often, memories are tied – and felt – to the heart for a long time to come ❤

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  7. I knew it all along, Mr. Wobbles is a tough guy. ❤ Love him.

    By the way, so much information. This is what I like so much about your posts, they are informative and they get to the heart of the topic in discussion. quick question… What should one gift you?

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    • Mr Wobbles is indeed a tough guy. He has muscles on his arms and if you look closely enough, you can see them 😀

      What should one gift me? To be honest, I don’t know… I have very few memorable gifts in my life, and some of them are mentioned in this post. But whatever the gift, I am always appreciate of the thought and effort behind it and will make sure I one-on-one thank the person who gave it to me.

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  8. Both hands! Yes, when I received lucky money from my in-laws during the Daughter-in-law Tea Ceremony, the envelopes were indeed given with both hands. Even to their servant–oops, I mean daughter-in-law, of course. I wonder why two-handed gift-giving is considered polite?

    It’s impossible to give my in-laws gifts. They always return them. 😦

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    • It is an interesting question you pose there. I suppose one hand is more…formal and uptight. Think of firmly shaking hands with someone to make an impression for your own benefit. Don’t know, seems like a far fetched thought.

      “They always return them” They sound hard to please. Sometimes my mum rejects gifts like that too when relatives visit and come armed with things for us.

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  9. This is the perfect post for me this week! Derek’s parents have an annual gathering with all their friends to mark both their birthdays. I’ve got them ginger chocolate so far since they absolutely adore it. They’re quite picky so getting them some more practical stuff other than money, and I don’t want to give too little or too much… So I’m dragging Derek with me on Saturday morning before the party to find them a nice gift :P.

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    • Happy Birthday to Derek’s parents. It sounds like it’s going to be one big happy affair and hope all of you have a good time Ginger chocolate sounds like an exotic kind of chocolate. Haven’t seen it around in Australia. But who doesn’t like chocolate?

      Good luck in finding a nice gift for them. They sound like simple folks, so maybe something that is not overly flamboyant but something that they can relate to might work 

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  10. I thought this might be one post I would manage to *not* write anything for a change as I do struggle in the area of gifts, but as usual you are so thought provoking! (This is meant to be a compliment.)

    I do find picking gifts very difficult – for the few that I still choose to buy gifts for, whether for Christmas or birthdays, I will ask if anything is needed or wanted. It’s often something practical – I haven’t been close enough to someone for a long time to give something that’s more on the sentimental side. Once I got to a certain age, my parents and I don’t really fuss over birthday gifts any more. We tend to get things for each other as it’s needed rather than specifically for birthdays or Christmas. Strangely enough, I’m sort of on the opposite end when it comes to technology – I will happily buy tech stuff for my parents and brother whatever the time of year. In fact, it was my dad’s birthday yesterday and even though he didn’t want anything for it, I still plan on getting him a new PC monitor (for his ageing eyes) that we’ve been discussing for a few weeks now.

    Just remembered a funny story related to your clock: when I was about four or five, I wanted to get one of those kids-oriented Flik Flak watches that I kept seeing advertised. I did end up getting it for my birthday but it was only afterwards that I found out that Dad was thinking to give me a digital watch (like those cheap Casio ones) before I insisted on the Flik Flak one. Which was a bit of a shame because if I knew that beforehand I would have preferred the digital watch instead! I did get digital watches later on, but probably not before double-digit ages.

    One thing about your piece that caught my attention was the reference to receiving and opening gifts. I know in western culture, whatever the age, it’s customary to open the gift in public – often as soon as it’s received. Maybe that’s one of the rare bits of Chinese culture that’s been impressed on me, but I’ve tended to open gifts after the party (at least when I was younger and still had parties). Regarding fung bao (red packets), my extended family only really observe that one at Chinese New Year (and I suppose weddings too), and even then not everyone continues the tradition. Of those that do, it’s usually for the younger cousins – only one uncle still insists on giving me one despite my age because tradition (as I understand it) dictates that married folks give fung bao and singles receive. It’s always been a bit embarrassing and awkward for me to take it but I do it out of respect for his views – we’re both Christian and try to hold on to money, as with all material things, loosely anyway.

    Anyway, I’m curious to know how that red packet wound up on your piano – was it from your family or someone else? That is a wonderful thought indeed, I don’t think I’ve ever had a surprise gift presented like that. It seems like there’s a lot of birthdays among people I know at this time – I wish you a joyous and restful time for yours, even if it happens to fall on a weekday perhaps you’ll be able to celebrate in some way on the weekend. Have as best a day as you can and thank you for continuing to write such interesting pieces.

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    • “I will ask if anything is needed or wanted.” I think that is a very thoughtful way to go about gift giving, just like my parents. It’s one thing to give someone a gift that they don’t like and won’t use, but it’s another thing altogether if the gift upsets them in some way.

      Tech stuff sounds like a great gift if one is into gadgets and all that, and hopefully your dad will enjoy what you get it. It sounds like a great thing for him to use to keep him occupied and keep his mind active. And he sounds like an eager learner 🙂

      It sounds like you respect your values very much when it comes to traditional practices. Gifting is also all about a matter of perspective. Sometimes we just don’t know if someone is a stickler to tradition when it comes to gifts.

      The red packets come from my family on my birthday. They usually come over for dinner, hang around in the living room and then go back to their place quietly… 🙂 Thanks for the kind wishes, Simon. My birthday is really another day. It’s on a weekend this year.

      Perhaps if I have a bad post or a bad writing day, then you won’t be inclined to comment 😀

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      • That’s the bit where I struggle. I’d feel pretty bad if I decided on something that wasn’t liked or useful. I know some people have a gift for giving (pun intended) but that’s not me. As a family we’re not superstitious (referring to the Chinese taboos), so we’re not likely to upset with giving, though.

        Actually, Dad was the tech leader first – of course, he was the one with the money so that makes sense. He still uses computers a lot, and he was telling me how he finds it hard to read the fine pixels as all the manufacturers are pushing high pixel density displays these days. Mum asked for a digital radio a few years back, so that was an easy Christmas present that year. It’s also pretty easy when they ask me for specific DVDs or theatre tickets.

        Oh, that’s still nice that they surprise you like that. And sorry, I didn’t make it clear that I knew your birthday wasn’t yesterday but that you said it’s some time ‘next week’. Well if it’s on the weekend, even better! (:

        And don’t worry, if I happen to not write anything it’s most likely that you’ve finally found a topic that I have no experience or knowledge of. Which, since I’ve started following, hasn’t happened yet! (:

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        • Your dad sounds like the kind who pays attention to detail, given that he can pick out pixel density from his screen. Maybe he scrutinises each gift more than you think 😉

          Generally, I really don’t like it when people make a big deal out of me. I mean, there are more needy people out there. Then again, it is always nice to be thought of and your presence appreciated – because at the end of the day, I think we all seek to make a difference and could do with encouraging each other.

          No need to apologise, Simon. My birthday is a bit over a week away, on a Sunday 😀

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          • I think it’s just the matter of reading things like slim font letters are getting harder for him.

            I’m quite the same, I never like being the centre of attention that often comes with having a birthday, and you’re right, it’s good to be generous towards others too, but it’s nice to be remembered all the same.

            May Day, May Day! Have a wonderful weekend next week, then.

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  11. What an interesting post. My mom is like a Chinese grandma, she’s so superstitious that sometimes it gets weary. She has absorbed these beliefs from the time we lived in Malaysia. I like how she still gives my children Ang Pao’s. Anyway, do you know if candles are a taboo gift – I somehow remember something like that?

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    • Thanks, Suvi. Sounds like your mum is very generous to your children with it comes to gifting. I am not too sure about the candle superstition. But I thought if you light a cigarette from a candle, it’s bad luck. Very interesting that you bring that up.

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  13. Miss Mabel, my favourite little sister. 🙂 Great post, i learned a lot from this post, except the tea, i knew that one. Im all for customs and guidelines behind giving, things are all blurred for Westerners i think. I did giggle at your mom trying to vacuum Mr. Wobbles, sorry, but he looks like he survived and proved he was here to stay. I would love to send you a small gift for your birthday, I promise not to make a big deal about your day otherwise. Big hugs and love, hope your weekend is amazing. Xx

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    • I always love to hear from my favourite big sister! It can be hard giving a gift to someone of another culture – it’s a matter of perspective and we really don’t want to offend or worse, upset the other person.

      Mr Wobbles survived 😀 What a great way to put it. You really don’t have to send me a gift, Miss Anna. We shall see about that…wishing you well this weekend and lots and lots of hugs to you ❤

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  14. I love the idea of the receiver getting luck from a gift. It’s good to know that umbrellas though and shoes are not the best gift! The cakes look exquisite and I have popped them on my Pinterest for others to enjoy. Hope you are enjoying your week and thank you for another insightful blog full of wit and warm humour (I love the last picture!)

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  16. I love your mother claypot noodles for birthday celebration. Lovely twist from usual cake.

    My parents didn’t observe nor tell us any of these Chinese attitudes about birthdays. The problem was that we were poor so my parents didn’t give gifts when we were children. If here was a gift, it was purely practical and small. Not a toy.

    Vaguely we might have had a special dinner (just more food or a meat). The cake stuff was hit and miss. Usually steamed chiffon cake that we made at home. As we all gradually left home, we did try to celebrate/acknowledge each other’s birthday ..sometimes on time, sometimes late or sometimes not all. We might end up getting a gift 5 months later.

    We don’t get upset about it. ..But now you know why at least Christmas cards, small gifts when I visit ….from 3,000 km. west of my birth family, is appreciated. And vice versa.

    My mother has thoughtfully phones me long distance to wish me happy birthday. That is her gift. I am her lst child. She never used to do that at all. But has annually for the last 3-4 years.

    I lost a sister 1 yr. younger than 1 over 6 years ago.

    So communication is probably more important than all the gifts in the world.

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    • “communication is probably more important than all the gifts in the world”. Jean, you nailed it. Material gifts aren’t the be it, end all in this world. It is presence that counts – it is showing up that counts and that can be done any other day.

      I love steamed chiffon cake, and I’m guessing all of you as a family enjoyed it whether it was a bit too wet or dry. I am impressed by how some of you get gifts for each other so far down the track – always thinking of each other.

      Your mother sounds like she loves you very much, taking the time to speak to you on significant occasions…and perhaps even other times as well. That is love.

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  17. Enjoyed your write on the practice of giving and receiving gifts in china. Gifting is equally strong in japan and Korea as well. In most states in India, gifting has lost its old value and has generally degenerated into a kind of reciprocal exercise aimed at merely going through customary motions. Nonetheless, really thoughtful gifting is a great gesture of love and friendship. What matters is the sentiment and not the value of the gifted item. For your birthday, here is my advance wishes to you Mabel for all the joys you can hope for, with many more happy returns.

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    • “What matters is the sentiment and not the value of the gifted item” A very nice way to put it. I agree with that. Sad to hear gifting has lost a bit of value in India. Perhaps time are changing and there is a modern way of expressing and showing appreciation to each other – that gifts are out of fashion.

      Thank you for the well wishes, Raj. You are very kind.

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  18. Poor dear Mr. Wobbles. Thank goodness your mom didn’t suck him up when you weren’t looking. 🙂 A very interesting post about your gift-giving traditions. I hope you have a very happy brthday, even if it is low key. 🙂

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    • Poor Mr Wobbles alright. He didn’t enjoy being sucked up by the vacuum, but I think the vacuum might have actually cleaned him a little bit 🙂 Thanks, Sylvia. Just hoping the day will be relaxing 🙂

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  19. For me it always depends to whom to give the present as to how difficult it might be. My father is very easy, my mother impossible, my brother a challenge and my wife, well there it always depends how well I listened to her during the previous months and caught some of the hints.

    I always get some kind of presents from my parents for birthdays etc , nothing grand any longer but it is still great. My wife on the other hands always got red pockets from parents and the rest of the family, never anything else.mthis also stopped once she moved away so all presents these days come from me and my parents 🙂

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    • Overall, it sounds like you are very attentive with your gifts, Crazy. I suppose when it comes to MIL, well, I am inclined to think nothing will really please her given her erratic personality 🙂

      The older we get, I think the more low-key our birthdays become, and we may even become shy about receiving/ or giving gifts.

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      • As a kid I always got these great toys and over the years they changed to useful things for the household or simply just en envelope of money 🙂
        Whenever I ask my mother what she would like the answer is the same : I don’t need anything…

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        • I think parents are always like that when it comes to give: they don’t want to trouble us with getting them something. One time my brother came home with a packet of rather expensive tea leaves for my mum, and she said, “Why did you buy this rubbish?” 😀

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  21. Very interesting Mabel! My brother has married a girl from Hong Kong, and even though she is not superstitious, her mother is very much so. I think I should download this post as a guide for my whole life as what I can and cannot gift them then, lol.

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    • Lol, Sofia. I am so humbled by your words. Times are changing with gifting, and I think with the younger generation like us, we are more open to the gifts we choose to gift others. I hope your sister-in-law doesn’t get pressured into giving others certain gifts!

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  22. This is such a good article! I was wondering if I should give a friend of mine a painting or not, as a gift. She’s Chinese. But I think I’m going to do it.

    And by the way, all that cake made me hungry… for cake.

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  23. Another thought provoking post, in a very nice way. It has struck a chord in me.

    Strangely enough, the giftings that have had left a deep impressions on me in the last 8 years or so, had been made on a professional basis. When one is a recipent of kind and generous deeds, one feels very privileged and humbled. As such, one appreciates the little things in life such as kindness, support, generosity and a smile. But when these little things come in a bundle, it left foot prints in our heart and one is forever changed.

    People come and go in one’s life. Things happened for a reason. Some people left impressions on oneself, so strong it tuck at one’s heart.

    On other hand, some giftings can be so emotive that one has to decline it with grace.

    In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
    Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

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    • It is interesting to hear you say gifting the professional realm sticks with you. To be recognised for your efforts is always humbling, and I think a lot of the time we don’t expect that – we just put our best foot forward to make a difference.

      After reading your comment, Traveller, I think, deep down each of us appreciates a gift given to us. But I think even more so the person who comes forward and presents it to us. As you said, people come and go in our life, and I think we do appreciate their presence. However, I’m the kind who is always inclined things are meant to be forever…

      Love the Oscar Wilde quote. Thanks for sharing. When we get what we want, we might want something more extravagant. If we don’t get what we want, we might pine for it for who knows how long.

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  24. one of the things that we, filos, inherited from the chinese is the cooking of noodles during birthdays to signify long life. there’s this one particular recipe which i love. it’s a filo version made up of vermicelli and yellow noodles which is so good i wouldn’t mind celebrating my birthday everyday. lol.

    advance happy birthday, mabel!!! wishing you all the love and happiness in the world. and of course, heaps of noodles so you can enjoy a long and prosperous life. =)

    p.s. your cake photos are making me drool!

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    • Haha! Aside from karaoke, the noodles is another thing our cultures have in common. But unlike you, I’m not a huge fan of yellow noodles, especially the thick kind. They make me feel bloated if I eat about a bowl of that!

      Thanks, Jewey. I really just want a quiet day given that this year has been quite challenging so far ❤ Mr Wobbles helped picked out a cake and he gladly offers you some 😀

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  25. Some nice things about gifts of food rather than “stuff” – they are nourishing, express love, and don’t continue to take up space.
    Those cakes look fabulous! — and they’re driving all other thoughts from my mind.

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    • “Stuff” I like how you put hard, material goods. Food certainly nourishes the soul, and evokes memories. But I suppose food might evoke a memory for a moment and then vanish, whereas “stuff” might remind us of a point in time again and again.

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  26. Do you think young Chinese people are not believing much in these traditions anymore? For example, if a guy buys an expensive pair of shoes for his girlfriend, I don’t think she will be upset! (Although if they later break up for other reasons, they might think it was the shoes what damned them hahaha!).

    My bf’s birthday is in a couple of weeks. No idea about what to get him. We already have everything we need! I might just go with a cake xD I used to give comic books as gifts before but I haven’t seen him reading a physical book in ages! Or reading, for that matter!

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    • Yes! I do think times are changing and quite a few of us don’t believe in tradition anyone when it comes to gift giving. I am sure in due time you will get C something. The cake idea will be interesting since there are so many cakes in China…and you can test out another cake to see if it tastes good or not 😀

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  27. Mabel, you are the opposite of me. I keep reminding my husband my birthday is coming up weeks in advance. 😉 🙂 He usually puts a lot of thought into the gifts he buys as I am more of a sentimental person than one who is concerned about the price. However, there has been a few occasions where he bought me expensive presents that I would never buy myself – things that I love but cost too much for me to ever justify spending such a large amount of money on myself. And there was the anti-aging cream gift he bought me which at the beginning, didn’t go down too well [I wrote a post about it over a year ago.]

    I have actually given one of my Taiwanese friends a watch. I knew she would love it. I know it is not customary to give watches in Taiwan, but I asked around and was advised to ask her for NT$1, so it was kind of like she bought the watch from me.

    And Happy Birthday, dear Mabel. I think Mr. Wobbles is a cool monkey as well. Sometimes it is the fact that someone thought about you which means the most. And tell Mr. Wobbles I am not forgetting about the chocolate Easter bunny he promised to give me on IG! 😉 haha

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    • Your husband is a very generous, kind and loving man, and certainly a keeper. He must toy with the gifts he wants to give you over and over in his head, maybe even for a few weeks and then it all comes together perfectly. I remember that anti-aging cream post you wrote on your blog. Hehehe. Didn’t go down too well with you at all 😀

      Watches as good gifts, I heard about that. Once my aunt gave me a light blue Bum brand watch. It was a very sturdy wattch.

      Thanks, Constance. Mr Wobbles is very chuffed you called him cool. His chest is not puffed out and I think he will stay that way for a while, oh dear. When he comes to visit, he will come armed with some chocolate for you and try to rival being a better man than your husband 😀

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  28. I like the way you have referred to gift giving etiquette as art. Other than that, it’s a very informative post, Mabel! I was aware of certain Feng Shui rituals that are supposed to be good omen – like keeping a fountain, coins in a read satchel, Laughing Buddha etc. Red color is a good omen in India too. But I had no idea that green hats translate to unfaithful wife, and giving shoes and umbrellas means breaking up of a relationship. I remember giving shoes to someone in the family and well…yes…there isn’t much warmth left, not like before. Shoes may not be the reason though.
    I’ve always known that number 4 signifies death or bad luck and generally too, even though this belief has its origin in Chinese beliefs, many Australians do not prefer a house number 4, rather 6 or 3. Probably this does not apply to gift giving and more to real estate 🙂
    Amusing to read about Wobbles getting the beating and the cleaning.
    Wishing you – a very happy birthday and lots of success in your writing as well as other goals. God bless!!

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    • Feng Shui is a whole other topic in itself, and I’m planning on writing about it at some point on my blog in the future. Nice to hear red is an auspicious colour in India too. From what I know, most bright colours in Indian culture symbolise good luck.

      I am sorry to hear that your shoe gift didn’t go down well. Perhaps it really wasn’t culture and it wasn’t in the receiver’s taste. On the subject of houses, I’ve been around a few neighbourhoods in Victoria where some house numbers were skipped…and I think the same applies to some hotels and their rooms as well.

      Thanks, Alka. Mr Wobbles will be spending my birthday with me 🙂

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  29. I enjoyed this gift very much Mabel! It’s a brilliant post. I have one really close girl friend from China, and she always brings kitchen items when she comes for a visit. Thank you for the explanation. It is really about the thoughts behind gifts. Not at all the price.

    I don’t eat much candy, but I have one favorite kind of salty licorice, that is extremely difficult to find here in the US. Every once in a while, one of my friends remember this, and brings me some. It’s not at all an expensive gift, I believe it cost between $5-7 depending on where you buy it, but you can only find it in the big cities. That is a highly appreciated gift! Much more so than an expensive gift. Because of the love behind it.

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  30. It’s so interesting to read of all the parameters around giving gifts in your culture Mabel. I love the idea that ‘gifts offering one positive sensory experiences are good gifts’. In our consumer culture, taking someone out for such an experience might be the best of gifts. My brother and I used to take each other to concerts and performances as birthday gifts. Now he’s gone I still have those happy memories, so it’s a gift that lasts a lifetime.

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    • Thanks, Maamej. I like the idea of taking someone out for an experience. Often, it usually is not just about the experience but about the company and time spent together too. Someone’s presence can speak volumes. As you mentioned, it’s all about the memories.

      Concerts and performances as gifts. Now that is thoughtful, and you get to spend time with one another 🙂

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  31. Quite an insightful article on gifting, Mabel. 🙂 I think gifting can turn out to be stressful for both; the one receiving the gift and the one who has to think of the gift. More recently, in weddings or birthdays, folks choose to gift cash. Vouchers or gift cards have the flexibility of cash and at the same time add a personal touch! I’m going to wish you a very happy birthday – in case I forget. 🙂

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    • Yes, gift giving can be stressful especially if we want the receiver to feel appreciated. Vouchers certainly can be a good gift if we can’t make up our minds, and also cash. But I don’t think I’ll ever give someone either of that because I really like to think hard and get someone a really individualised gift! Thanks for the well-wishes, Cheryl. I will be spending the day with my stuffed monkey Mr Wobbles 🙂

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  33. Thais are equally superstitious about their gifts, probably getting/borrowing a lot from the Chinese. I once bought perfume for my mom for Mother’s Day and she said it was a suggestion that the receiver ‘stank’ or smelled bad. Who would have thought?! I was just a kid and felt horrible.

    Gift giving is much easier, I’ve found, in Thailand and Cambodia. Money. Just put some money in an envelope and viola, problem solved. I hate buying gifts. So stressful and some people are IMPOSSIBLE to buy for. But money, hey, we all like money!

    p.s. please do not post any more pictures of desserts. it makes me want to go out and eat cake. thank you.

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    • Hahaha. It sounds like your mother took the gift literally. She had every right to, you know… But I’m sure you had the best intentions and thought she would like it.

      Yes, we all like money! But I’m not one for giving money…I guess I’m more of someone who likes to personalise gifts more. Which really is my problem and I shouldn’t complain 😀

      No worries. I am not good at food photography and I don’t have another food-related post scheduled soon 😛

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      • Your food photography looked just fine to me! Yeah. I dont give $$$ as gifts but I love how in Asia gives you the option. Esp when its an event like a house warming party or wedding. Those feel less personalized when your one of hundreds of guests…

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  34. Lots if wonderful comments here on this informative and readable post. I think it is a shame there is so much expectations around gifts. It would be nice if we just gave gifts when we felt a need and not when custom dictates. Otherwise the joy of giving and teceiving is lost. At times, I don’t like the extra attentionthat comes withcelebrating my birthday, but always look forward to marking the annual milestone. As I get older birthdays can be a time for reflection.
    I hope your birthday is, or was, a memorable day for you Mabel!!

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    • “the joy of giving” That is such an important thing to remember. Giving, it’s never about the gift itself but about the thought and love that goes into it. In Chinese culture, it is polite to give a small offering or gift when visiting someone’s house. That is, it is rude to visit someone’s house without bringing a small something to show appreciation to the hosts for having you.

      Thanks, Amanda. I will probably be spending my birthday with Mr Wobbles.

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  35. I just found your blog from a comment you made on Janice’s meet and greet today….have to say this is a wonderful insight into culture. These are the bits to media miss. The real personal writing that says hey, you know what the people, the real people that have real lives, are actually cool and rather wonderful and like me…actually would prefer to get on and enjoy cultures and people rather than watch politicos telling us otherwise.

    I rather think I am going to hit follow now too 😇

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    • Thanks, Gary. Janice has a great blog and network going. It’s nice to meet other bloggers over there. Thank you for your kind words. “enjoy cultures and people rather than watch politicos telling us otherwise.” You put it very simply, and I like it. The world would be a better place if we all stopped arguing and come to accept each other’s differences.

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      • You are very welcome Mabel. I have a simple life premis an idiot can be anyone…that’s not unique to any culture or religion or country. Equally nice friendly people also come from the same criteria. If they are friendly I care not where they are from and I’m proud to know people like that anywhere at all. I entirely agree with you…the world would indeed be a better place if everybody could accept that on balance that is probably what we all actually want. Lovely to meet you too 😊

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        • I really like the way you think. If someone is down to earth and kind, no reason why we shouldn’t like them. In fact, that nice random person you never thought you’d come across could lend you a helping hand one day when you need it the most. Likewise, it is nice to meet you, Gary.

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          • Quite right. I hate it when people stop trying to meet new people. As you say the next friend could at some point be an amazing influence or help. I often think that when people watching. Each in their own bubble with a backstory living a parallel existence on the same world. I can’t help but think who are you, what do you like, feel, if our paths touched what would happen. It’s hard to put into words really. Same here…I can look at blogs and wonder why that was written that way, what’s behind the words..happy, sad..somewhere in between? I think that’s what makes me go to the meet and greets and then just drop into a blog and say hello. And here is one of those cases where it’s brilliant 😊

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            • Each of us are our individuals in this world, and there is always, always something interesting about each person. Very similar to discovering a new blog, yes. Also very similar to receiving a gift from someone or opening a box of chocolates – you don’t know what you’re going to get.

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              • Very true and that’s what makes meeting people so awesome…finding stuff out and assuming they might be friends down the line without prejudice…blog hunting is my new sport 😊 That’s said in the best possible way ! Love the box of chocolates analogy too !

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                  • That is so serendipitous…I have just now commented that I think the blogosphere is filled with mad people and that Infind that brilliant…by mad I mean that in a very complimentary way…it aligns with your brilliant minds point irresoective of where we come from 😇

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  36. I enjoyed reading the post. It was interesting to find out about gift giving, although I had to stop every couple of paragraphs to look longingly at those cakes.

    Incidentally, I don’t think giving a used monkey toy is bad luck – unless of course someone deliberately attacks him with a vacuum cleaner, in which case he may wreak his terrible revenge.

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  37. I am generally a fussy person when it comes to gifts. I mean, I would be fussy if people give me gifts (aka I don’t like gifts). But I wouldn’t mind it too much if I get one of those ice cream topped brownies as a gift. 😀

    Seriously though, I think shopping vouchers are the best gifts nowadays. It is practical, and it minimizes the risk of you buying something that the intended recipient might not even like it. I find it ridiculous because I am pretty sure most people (at least Malaysians) feel the same way, but instead of being honest with themselves, we take the opposite stance of going “How insincere of you to just give vouchers as gift!” to deter everyone else of doing it. 🙄

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    • “I would be fussy if people give me gifts” This is exactly me when people give me gifts. It is very hard to please me, and also I don’t want to trouble people getting me something.

      Shopping vouchers are certainly practical gifts. Even gift cards too. But I wouldn’t go so far as getting coupons cut out from the catalogue for someone. But, as you inferred, it could be seen as a lazy way of gifting. Generally, giving vouchers is not my style and I really like to personalise each gift. That said, it is my problem then when I get stressed choosing a gift for someone.

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      • So we’re only 50% similar. I don’t like people to fuss over my birthdays, but then I also don’t like to fuss over people’s birthdays. I guess I’m just… well, lazy. If anyone insists on giving me gifts, I would appreciate some vouchers. I would also appreciate people who would appreciate vouchers as gifts. (Now the vouchers I am speaking of are cash vouchers, you know, those you purchase from departmental stores or even bookstores so that other people can buy stuff that they actually want with those vouchers).

        The only person I would love to fuss over and I would love for her to fuss over me, would be a girlfriend. Other than that, it’s a chore. I’d do it somehow because it is expected of a sociable person, but… it’s a chore… 🙄

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        • I suppose with the cash vouchers, you can by anything you want with them, and the person who gave them to you will not feel that you do not like the gift.

          At times if you don’t give someone like a good friend a gift, they could very well think you’re lazy or you are no longer important to them.

          Fussing over your partner or significant other with a gift is one way to show you are thinking of them. Or really, even it’s just a gift to someone you fancy. But, in general, if we are feeling lazy, it’s…a chore 😀

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  38. Definitely! Gift giving is a tricky thing in my circles. Thank goodness for gift cards! 😀

    I wish you the happiest birthday, lots of red packets of cash, good luck and a brand new frog clock if it doesn’t survive.

    By the way, what are the significances of the colours red and gold in Chinese culture?

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    • Gift cards can certainly make gift giving easier if we are completely stumped for a gift idea. In Chinese culture, red and gold symbolise fortune and good luck. Historically, gold was worn by many emperors in China, and in a sense also symbolises status.

      Thanks, Allan. I don’t have anything planned for my birthday except for sitting at home 😀

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  40. Another great article, Mabel. I like to read your post when I have plenty of free time. I enjoy reading them very slowly 😉
    Do you do a lot of researches for all these Chinese things? Or it’s just something you know from observing them all these years? I always learned something new in my culture from reading your article 😉 For example, I didn’t know shoe and umbrellas are not good gifts.
    Monkey is my favorite too. Four in my family were born in the monkey year (not me though.)
    The vacuum story brought a smile to my face. I don’t know your mother, but I can picture my mother doing the same thing.
    Thanks again for this wonderful article. Happy Birthday!

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    • Thank you very much, Helen. I am humbled that you take your time to read my posts. I really enjoy writing them, and take my time to put out each post 🙂

      Most of what I write about Chinese culture on my blog comes second nature to me after all these years. But before I write them all down, I go Google and see what else comes up – and to confirm what I know and get Chinese characters and pinyin right where need be.

      One time, my mum got so fed up with Mr Wobbles being on the carpet while she was vacuuming – and picked him up and threw him on my bed. The monkey bounced 😀 Not doing much for my birthday but sitting at home!

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  41. Hi Mabel

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY dear friend. I feel birthdays are special occasions and need to be celebrated. They are fun with friends and if we are surrounded by both family and friends, they become memorable. I have written about a child’s yearnings about birthday, if you read that you would surely agree with me. 🙂
    Are you an introvert? It doesn’t seem so from your posts and the friends who share their views here!
    Birthday gifts are special too and yes, it is because of the sentiment attached to them, not the materialistic value. Choosing a gift is indeed an art but many people don’t seem to possess it. It is very easy to give that envelope full of money, which doesn’t convey any emotions!!
    I loved this post because it talks about many interesting traditions and gifts. Thanks for sharing.

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    • “It is very easy to give that envelope full of money, which doesn’t convey any emotions!!” I agree with this sentiment. It can be seen as the easy way of giving a gift. Sure, it’s practical. And it’s the thought that counts. But I’m one for giving someone other than money, and I’m finding it hard choosing a gift for someone, it is my problem.

      I am very much the introvert, Balroop. I’m also shy and am someone who doesn’t usually speak unless spoken to. Thank you for your birthday wish in capitals. It is a week away and I already feel the love. Take care, my friend 🙂

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  42. Exactly why I like to either give money or pretty common gifts, like a book, or some decorative piece.

    I guess our East makes a lot of fuss about these things, like in India they fear pure white Saree. I think in distant future, it might just come down to very common ones, with so many complications around gift-giving.

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  43. Your pictures are making me very hungry. I did not realize that Mr Wobble’s was a birthday gift. So not only is it your birthday coming up but also the 1st anniversary of you and Mr Wobble’s hanging out together. Love him. And I love that your parents eventually got you that clock. I have trouble buying gifts on the occasion. I am much better at buying gifts when the inspiration hits so often I just give when inspired rather than on the occasion. Thanks for the information in this post…I’d hate to give a gift that insults someone 😬

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  44. I’ve just been to an engagement party today for friends who’ve been together for years and already have two kids. What do you give a couple who already have all they need? So I gave them toilet paper. 😀 (It’s very good toilet paper from Who Gives A Crap. And my friends have a great sense of humour so I think they’ll understand it.)

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    • Toilet paper? That is hilarious…but very much creative, intelligent and practical 🙂 I just Googled Who Gives A Crap. This shop is amazing. I’ve never seen toilet paper and tissues look so beautiful and elegant, and so afforable too. I hope they enjoy your gift, and that the engagement party was a great one.

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      • The engagement party was lovely. I got to have baby cuddles with their 10-month-old son. 🙂 Haven’t heard what they thought of the gift yet. 😉

        I adore WGAC. Not only a fantastic product but that you can help others in the developing world at the same time just makes it amazing. Each Christmas they put out a Christmas-themed wrapping. I buy a box and use them for Christmas presents. 😀

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        • It really is a genius idea to sell toilet paper. You know, it could brigthen up a regular white-coloured toilet and bathroom. And you could admire it while sitting on the toilet bowl and while away boredom 😀

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  46. Liebe Mabel einen schönen Sonntag wünsche ich dir hier ist es am Sonntag sehr Kalt geworden schönen frohen Start in die neue Woche wünsche ich dir Klaus in Freundschaft

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  47. What an educating post, Mabel! I had no idea that your culture thinks about gift giving as you do. How fascinating. One of my personal “musts” for gift giving is the thought behind it so I give from my Heart a gift that I know the other person will really enjoy. I’m glad you got the green clock and I am glad you have your stuffed monkey. Tell your Mom that a woman in her late 50’s (me) has some stuffed animals that were given to me by my best friend who is no longer here on this earth and that I treasure those stuffed animals. You are never too old to have a stuffed animal. Beautiful post, and your writing is par excellent. Thank you for this post. I learned much from it!!! ❤

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    • I like your train of thought. Yes, no one is too old for stuffed monkeys. I hope your stuffed monkeys remind you of your amazing best friend, and remind you of the happy moments together – they could even make your day all the more brighter.

      I honestly think I have one too many stuffed monkeys. It will be hard for any monkey to top Mr Wobbles ❤

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  48. That is really interesting about the green hat, and the shoes & umbrella. Such a lot of rules it seems. Getting the right gift is always difficult, but when you hit the nail on the head, it’s a wonderful feeling. We live in such a consumerist world that the pressure is in buying the gift, and often not enough thought has been put into it.

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  49. Appreciate your blog today. I have always thought of gifts as an extension of our feeling or regard for another person.
    Im glad you got the green frog
    Sending you a not too sweet but very yummy (and very fresh) strawberry shortcake for your birthday. Have a happy day!

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    • Thanks, Leslie. “gifts as an extension of our feeling” Really like how you describe it. I think so too. Gifts are a way to get another person’s attention and tell them that they mean something to us.

      That’s so generous of you. Love strawberry shortcake. Thank you very much ❤

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  50. Wonderful post, Mabel. My daughter-in-law’s parents are originally from Shanghai and have taught me about giving red envelopes as a small gift of appreciation, especially during Lunar New Year. I agree, that if a gift is from the heart, it’s the most meaningful no matter the size. Hope you have a terrific birthday and enjoy a treat as yummy looking as these photos! 😀

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    • Sounds like you are on the red envelope and money giving bandwagon too. They do make for practical gifts. Yes, no matter how big or small a gift, if it’s given with much sincerity and love, often it will be appreciated. I’m not doing much for my birthday apart from staying home. And no more cake for me – already too much of that 😀

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