Does Belonging Start With Self-Acceptance?

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Finding a sense of belonging is not always easy. Belonging might seem elusive when you struggle with conflicting intercultural identities. Or when you feel like an outsider among groups.

Perhaps belonging starts with self-acceptance. Look within to accept yourself as you are. When you accept your cultural traits that you like and dislike as part of your core, you might feel closer to the experience of belonging.

The concept of belonging is complex and interpreted differently across cultures. Emotional bonding, shared values and spiritual connection are some things encapsulating belonging. It is a subjective experience within tangible places, family, society and more.

I often ask myself, ‘Where do I really belong?’ Too Asian or too white all the time, pandering to ethnic stereotypes yet still not subsumed by my family or friends. With an accent hard to pinpoint, ‘foreigner’ is ascribed to me regardless of aligning with how others sound. Uninspired by manuscript rejections from publishers, I walked the classic path of civilised corporate existence.

This last one hits hard as writing is my passion. Being Chinese, I often feel that I don’t belong as a writer. I can’t run from my past: a past conditioned to be very much logical. One of doing things based on reasoning, following conservative rules and tradition, and compounding material sufficiency.

Such traits, my Chineseness, earn a dislike deep within me. Just how do these parts of my personality support me as writer? Instinctively I flounder as a writer without a creative rulebook and there’s no such thing. So frustrated at wasting writing and wracking my imagination for hours only to write one paragraph. So lost on my direction as a wordsmith experimenting with writing genres and wondering the returns. So much so that I hide a lot of my writing and presence as writer.

Sitting up past midnight writing about being Asian Australian has been my catharsis over the years. The late night silence invigorates me. No other voices. No other presence. Just me writing and writing away into the seemingly endless nights.

I am me. I am my labels and more. I scribble these random fervent thoughts down on paper. An incomprehensible story in front of me. Scrambled but most certainly intuitive, uncanny ideas. When my soul feels free, I am inspired.

Self-acceptance is about embracing the layers of yourself, flaws and all. Psychologist Russell Grieger understands it as: ‘you are less than perfect…unconditionally accept(ing) yourself without judgment’.

Confronting how you identify can be, well, confronting. Confusing too. It may feel like some traits are better than others. Proud of some parts of your culture and ashamed of others.

I can find myself questioning if I should be more loyal to doing things aligned with my logic-inclined abilities, or chip away at the uncertainty of writing. Will I end up hating the writer side of me more? Will I disappoint one side or the other? After all, belonging encompasses making time and participating in spaces as your authentic self. With respect to polarity or duality, oneness lies in the paradox of identity.

‘All opposites are identical in nature but different in degree….There is no such place as ‘up’ and no such place as ‘down’ – each is relative to the other.’

Sue Tompkins, The Contemporary Astrologer’s Handbook

So how does self-acceptance manifest here? It’s so easy to fall into feeling helpless, ashamed and defensive about being ‘too different’, and not relatable enough to belong to something wider. Perhaps self-acceptance emergences from approaching intercultural identities as complimentary. It is the letting go of victim mentality, a realisation that you don’t actually lack anything all along. A challenge lies in balancing and blending of your conflicting cultural nuances, in evolving how you think and equally feel about your liminal self.

As I write up late, the shenanigans of the mundane daytime hours seem so far away. Tranquillity beckons. There’s something mysterious yet so magical about the witching hours. It’s almost as if anything is possible. Limitless possibilities seem within reach. Limitations seem merely things that go bump in the night. I can’t help but let my guard down and feel optimistic about being a world famous writer…

Writing up late is like a ritual for me. It is a space where I carve time to write, and I write. In fact, that’s probably where my logical side comes in handy – sound reasoning to pick the most quiet and appropriate time up late to ignite my passion for writing…

Intercultural identities come with an edge: an ability to stand apart and stand in your uniqueness despite being circumstantially boxed in. When you embrace your cultural differences that are so unlike anyone else’s, you belong to yourself. In the words of Maya Angelou, ‘You only are free when you realise you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all.’

A greater appreciation of belonging arises out of the experiences of non-belonging.

With self-acceptance comes composure. With composure there’s level-headedness, seeing how your different cultural traits add value to you in search of belonging. In turn, you have the grace to show up for others and for who they are.

You also judge yourself less, and less likely judge others. Embracing the paradoxes of intercultural identities guides you towards an awareness of different perspectives. It awakens a sensitivity to hold space for understanding where other cultures come from – a non-negotiable in connecting intimately with both yourself and others in the fragility of belonging.

Blending elements of different cultures within writing has developed my storytelling approaches to connect with others. At school in Singapore, my English teacher commented on my writing, ‘Wonderful, lots of detail!’. It shaped the foundation of my writing, ‘Asian style’: detailed down to the minute detail, circular, justifying. Later in Australia, a very different style of ‘Western writing’ challenged me: big picture argument, directive, analysing. It is (was) a perspective so foreign yet it fascinates me. I detest my naturally logical mind: incompetent at applying this linguistic outlook, let alone wrap my head around it.

No writing style is better over the other. Quite simply, it’s different styles of thought and expression of the writer and individual. Driven by passion to write and resonate, the wrestle between my intellect and imagination unlocked something in the writer in me. Write one idea, one point in one sentence; share striking detail and sentiment to add depth to my yet incomprehensible stories. That is my countless nights of non-fiction writing, the practice of articulating my thoughts across varying cultural rhetoric.

Slowly but surely, stating my presumptions up front in words didn’t seem impossible. Then weaving in and unpacking thoughts through story follows naturally. It is humbling to evolve and traverse bridges between cultures to speak my truth, much gratitude for paths and communities this journey has offered. The dance between logic and imagination uplifts the writer.

Naturally there are challenges in staying connected to yourself, and in belonging to a greater whole. For some, systems of oppression and invisible hierarchical structures are a constant reality. Conforming and resigning to the status quo might be convenient to belong, even making life easier. But deep down you long to set free what you stand for.

Publishing is a competitive industry, and making a living out of writing takes a lot of effort. Because of this sometimes I waver in my traits and in the writer who I am. I sober up from the rush I get from writing my book up late, wondering if cultural representation of writers will change. I am reminded that I am a slow writer, instinctively thinking ideas through and thorough before actually writing anything. A book 10 f—ing years in the making. Where am I among everyone else? Once again, I feel like I don’t belong as a writer, being Asian and all.

The Other is in front of us as much as it is within Us.

There is much fragility in belonging and asking ‘Where do I belong?’. For vulnerability is at the heart of connection and the relationship with yourself, just as much as it is with others. Where there is inclusion, there is exclusion. Alongside cultural clashes and changing personal priorities, quite often a sense of belonging is transient.

In comparing yourself to others, you fall into focusing on your most negative traits and critical self-talk. You lust after an identity that never truly resonates.

If there is one thing I learned about staying up late writing, it’s that having a sacred space nourishes the soul. It nurtures self-acceptance. A space where you aren’t compelled to judge yourself – just being who you are, as you are. It’s where you don’t hide from yourself and instead desire yourself.

‘Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again…a joy that comes from inside, not something external that puts joy into you — a place that lets you experience your own will and your own intention and your own wish so that, in small, the Kingdom is there.’

Joseph Campbell, A Joseph Campbell Companion: Reflections on the Art of Living

Maybe your sacred space looks like a walk under the stars. Or solitude at home. Or with others who hold space for you as you find yourself. A sacred space is where you have the power to go within to feel and gain perspective on who you are. To accept and be at one with yourself, and understand what belonging means to you.

Sometimes I laugh at my logical nature late at night. Logic grounds my thoughts into stories. It illuminates my creative side. Yet a lot of the time I still write incomprehensible stories. But not everything needs to make sense. It just has to feel right.

Often up late writing, I watch each light in each window outside turn off one by one. Staring outside into the darkness roaring back at me, I am reminded that in surrendering to solitude and personal quality time, you hear and awaken a belongingness to your authentic self. I have the choice to be me.

In these existential moments, I don’t think about hiding. I think about who I am and what I want to share: I am a writer. I am an astrologer. My mission is to normalise talking about not belonging in a culturally complex world. And you can read the rest of my (re)introduction and bio here 😊

Belonging starts with a conscious relationship with yourself, and in many ways self-acceptance. Accepting yourself for who you are is a journey of finding yourself again and again. And a journey that guides you to be at one with yourself, a wider community and a greater whole.

What does belonging mean to you? Do you have a special place or activity where you feel like you belong?

99 thoughts on “Does Belonging Start With Self-Acceptance?”

  1. Wow, your post has my mind going off in multiple directions! Where to start… Some of the best advice I’ve heard was, “Let your freak flag fly, or the other freaks won’t find you!” Being authentic can help you spot your people. But if you are a quiet person who doesn’t fly flags, well, finding a place with similar introverts is going to be harder. Besides, as you point out, we are no one thing. We contain multitudes: I’m a writer, a mom, a progressive, a pet parent, a caterpillar wrangler, a reader, a volunteer, and a gardener. I may connect with some folks on one level, but not another. Yet we all dream of belonging somewhere with our whole selves–even as we evolve. (I also recognize that I’m privileged to not be othered just by my appearance–mostly.

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    • LOL when you said your mind was going off in multiple directions reading this post…that was my mind when I was writing this post! I think SO many things I said in this post could be posts in themselves (such as the part about Asian style vs Western style writing). Focusing this post and the topic became quite important the more I got into writing it.

      I really like the advice you got from others, ‘Let your freak flag fry’. Big yes to that. Too often we hide our weirdness but in reality. Funnily enough that is what makes us relatable to others. None of us are perfect and we are all just trying our best in different roles. We’re just trying, not trying to be the best but trying to put our best foot forward. I like that you mentioned that you are a ‘reader’ in the list of things that you are. ‘Reader’ might seem something small and what you do in your leisure time. But there are other readers too! You evolve and find communities in the most unexpected ways.

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  2. Mabel your posts are like a deep treasure trove of insights into life, creativity, self and identity. As a person born into and living across multiple cultures I deeply relate to all that you’re saying here and will return again and again to this post for its insights. The pain and pleasures of being intercultural are so universal to so many people I think and you articulated it perfectly here. It is criminal that your stories are not published in books, I would read whole books of this non-fiction reflective personal narrative style from you. Keep writing! I will too.

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    • You are so kind, Content Catnip, thank you so much. I really like how you phrase it so eloquently, ‘The pain and pleasures of being intercultural are so universal to so many people.’ It’s probably more universal than we all realise. At some point each of us probably experienced different cultures be it through travel or our interactions. It’s not easy for those of us born into or living across multiple cultures. The discrimination and confusion experienced is very real, and when unprocessed, can have consequences.

      I think my writing intimidates people, but I’m used to it 😄 Self-publishing is likely the path I’m going, though there are quite a few things to know about publishing in general. Publishing really is so competitive. It’s not just about getting your books in stores, but also having to wrap your head around things like paying to get your book on book stands in bookstores. I hope you continue writing too. Always enjoy your thoughts and observations 😊

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      • The capitalist competitiveness really puts me off trying to get a book out there.. in fact it puts me off a lot of things in Australian culture, everything is a transaction which is depressing, I feel you. I am a pretty non competitive person, I would be happy if everyone succeeded in life and they are happy. Perhaps many creative people see the world this way? I can’t stand the transactional nature of what you described, it makes me sick. In a way self-publishing is your creativity in its most purest form, which is great! I love that your writing intimidates people….lean into that and really be courageous with it I say, it will make for better writing ✍️ 😊 if people are intimidated let them be! You are great at it! I have had people say similar things to me about my work (I work in marketing for a non-profit), for a while I was making myself smaller to make others feel better about themselves, but then I stopped doing that and it feels much better. I fully understand when you say the discrimination and confusion is very real of being between two cultures…It’s exhausting! But it’s also really beautiful and can be a strength too…friends who are also intercultural can help you see the beauty in yourself I have a friend who is British Indian and there is a lot of similarities.

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        • Your comment really made me think. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that ‘everything is a transaction’. It really is. Not only is the world competitive, but to get ahead it often comes at the expense of something or someone. It’s sad how some treat connections and relations as transactions to get ahead. The publishing industry is different in different countries. But there are so many loops and connections needed to be made (from editors to literary agents) to get your book on shelves, let alone stock it – very hard to get a look in unless you go viral with self-publishing. Many creative people probably just want to create just because they are passionate about it and to them, it’s never about the hustle and being a top-seller as a goal.

          I think my writing intimidates others and so does myself lol. But definitely been leaning into that and my authentic self, just being me. I am sorry to hear that you made yourself smaller at one point and glad you stopped doing that! It’s like that saying, don’t dim your light for others. Not only is it exhausting as you said, but you forget to put forward your abilities and worth. If we could all just respect each other’s cultural differences, maybe we would all get along better.

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  4. Dear Mabel,

    It is encouraging to know you continue to write. The fire within is still burning within. It is harder for poetry, for the genre is dying fast. I do not think it is due to race. I was once told by a American publisher that it is not what you wrote, but what you do with your book: the media, advertisement, social and marketing connections.

    Pardon me what I am wrong. “Belonging” is a tribal response, for you need recognition from a group. However, I think you are right to state “self acceptance” is more important. Or more accurately, it is self confidence and responsibility and the fun of writing. There is no pressure to write; it is fun to write in leisure, and, to me, it is self healing. In the last week I suffered from intense and prolonged pain, lasting 10 hours straight, from hemarthrosis of my knee joint due to strangulation of synovium. Before that, the flu virus attacked my myocardium, resulting in AF ad CCF. Well, I am grateful to be alive. And I have to be careful that there is no resentment against another, so one can live peacefully, with kindness always. The world is in catastrophe, confused and chaotic, but we live simply and feel rich enough and sufficient, so that we have the mood to write, when the pain has abated. It is how each choose in the world of duality, with diverse perspective and diversity.

    Keep writing Mabel. Australia and the West are now infected with the racial viruses, unlike the bygone years. However I still owe my gratitude to them, for my medical education.

    Yours sincerely,

    Dr. Lim Keng Huat, wonkywizard.wordpress.com.

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    • I think writing will always be my passion. It has always been there for as long as I can remember. Sometimes the motivation to write fades. But the right space always encourages me to write. It is interesting to hear you say that poetry is a genre dying fast. There is a lot of skill that goes into poetry – conveying your thoughts and feelings with short phrases. Then there is also reading poetry, savouring it line by line and making meaning from it. My hat is off to you for writing poetry.

      ‘Belonging’ is such a varied concept. Different communities and parts of the world interpret it differently. You can find belonging in a group where the interaction and support from others uplifts you. Some find themselves easily part of groups. For others, it may be a matter of getting to know themselves first before finding a place among others.

      I am sorry to hear of your situation and your health. May you get better soon. Each moment should be one to be greatful for. It is a bit of a wild world we are living in as you mentioned. Too much resentment, too much competition, people trying to outdo each other and we all can’t get along. I hope you get to write again soon, and have the inspiration to write too. Writing, and all things creative, are great outlets to channel what we feel and inspire others on their own path. Thank you for reading and for sharing your thoughts, Dr Lim.

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  5. “Where do I belong?”
    Where I am right now.

    Sitting on a comfortable couch, reclined, watching the footy on TV (I’m watching the replay of the Dolphins defeating the Eels in last night’s rugby league game in Darwin).

    I’ve struggled with belonging. My Chinese heritage. My alcohol abstinence. My Australian accent and language. My lack of interest in “cultural” pursuits. My obsession with food.

    Watching the footy is as good a place as any to belong.

    Thanks, Mabel for your insight into where you belong (or not).

    First and foremost, if someone asked me about Mabel, my response would be, “Mabel is a night owl writer”.

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    • I love your reflection: ‘Where do belong? Where I am right now.’ Really love it. It’s sharp, short and a very good reminder to be thankful for the moment right now. And it is wonderful that sitting on a comfortable couch and watching footy you feel like you belong 😊 Sometimes it really is the simple things like that where we feel most comfortable, ourselves and you feel close to belonging on these occassions.

      Interesting to hear you say you lack ‘cultural pursuits’. I never knew that. That said, that is subjective. I always thought that your obsession with food was part of that, and your food photography comes across as very aesthetic and eye-catching. In other words, artistic.

      I laughed very hard when you described me, ‘“Mabel is a night owl writer”.’ Then I laughed again lol. So apt and what a wonderful compliment, Gaz. Thank you so much. If someone asked me about Gaz, I will say, ‘Gaz is your go-to one meal for one cook.’ 😊

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    • Belonging is indeed a factor throughout life. I read your post on Belonging. It really is such a varied topic, and belonging means different things to everyone. I share many of your sentiments, from it being a sense of trust, special places and this online digital community. Belonging is always special. One moment it is here and another it may be gone. So enjoy each moment and experience. Thank you for stopping by, Frank. I hope you get to enjoy another walk soon 😊

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    • Indeed other philosophers share the thought that accepting yourself leads to wisdom. Self-acceptance often takes work, and enlightening us about who we are and the world around us. Thanks for stopping by, Hien 😊

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  8. Hi Mabel,

    I believe self-acceptance is the first step. If we can’t accept ourselves, flaws and all, then how could we belong elsewhere? It ties into where in moments of tragedy we must save ourselves first because if we don’t, if something happens to us, how can we save others? I’ve been in situations where I don’t feel like I belong, both in childhood and adulthood, age doesn’t discriminate, but simply being true to yourself is a good beginning, and hopefully, life will unfold from there. As to writing, it’s easy for me to say, “Just write.” But I will say that this post is so well written and offers a lot for your readers to ponder. I hope you’ll find your niche and will continue to put thoughts to paper, allowing them to flow freely. ❤️

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    • I think people generally have distrust and uncertainty towards others who aren’t sure in themselves. Perhaps partly a tribal thing, and also wondering about the other’s intentions. To ignore our flaws suggests one may expect perfection in ourselves and others, for instance. I hope you have found wisdom from feeling like you don’t belong and continue to be true to yourself 😊

      Thank you for your kind words on my writing, Lauren. Writing this post challenged me – from grounding it to one topic, shifting sections around and finding the right words. I guess that is writing for you. I hope you are doing well and thank you for stopping by 😊❤

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  9. I’m always amazed with the topics you find to write, Mabel. They are thought provoking and at the same time so many people connect with them.

    Your writing skills are excellent; from what I can deduce your writing is simple and easy to understand. The reader can easily connect with your thoughts.

    Acceptability has such a wide connotation. Sometimes, you struggle to be accepted within a family. On the contrary, many times, strangers accept you so easily. There are so many layers. Preconceived notions with respect to nationality, race, and religion seems to be growing in some regions. I wish people could thing logically. What makes a nation great is the contribution of people with different backgrounds.

    Hope you are doing well, Mabel. Always good to see your post pop up on reader!

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    • You are very kind with your words and time, Arv. Thank you so much. This post was probably one of the most challenging ones I’ve written. That said, I really enjoyed writing it – and also evolving my style of writing. I think choosing the topic in the first place (especially a topic that will connect with others) is most challenging!! Belonging is a complex topic and when discussing or writing about it, context is important.

      That is such a great point you bring up there, that strangers can accept you so easily. I think so – if the person has good intentions and genuinely comes from a good place. Within family, there’s often an unspoken rule to blend in and not ‘lose face’ especially in many Asian cultures. That can be hard if you have different personal views. You may find yourself not accepted at home, but you may find a sense of belonging more among your friends or groups that you are a part of. Change is a constant in this world, and I think belonging changes for us throughout life.

      It is lovely to see you here. Things are okay here. Just trying my best. I think that is how we all are! Hope you are doing well yourself, Arv 😊

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  10. Regardless of anyone’s roots, if you have a passion for anything it doesn’t matter what your background is, we just have to listen to ourselves first. Perhaps you might find a connection with Jamie Chang who’s a B.C. writer (one of my favourite Canadian writers) and especially her book Library of Legends.

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  11. Hi Mabel. Once again your post strikes me as so poignantly honest and vulnerable. I’m sorry you struggle so much with acceptance, cultural identity, and allowing yourself to be authentic to what’s inside you. Belonging and acceptance are still challenges for me in my 60s, but with much less angst. I agree that self acceptance is an important step to belonging, relaxing, and being okay with yourself and path. I hope you keep writing, and wonder if writing a fiction book with one or more characters struggling with these same multicultural acceptance and identity questions might be very powerful for you and readers.

    Keep being you. You are appreciated here in the WP community.

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    • Hello Brad. Thank you so much for stopping by, reading and reflecting. It has been challenging navigating my identity, but at the same time there is so much to learn from these experiences.

      I am glad to hear you have much less angst these days. Relaxing is a great way to connect with yourself. Perhaps your walks in nature and time spent around your neighbourhood allows you to relax and be yourself. Thank you for the lovely suggestion of writing a fiction book. I might do that one day (I wrote fiction a very long time ago).

      You keep being you too, Brad. You are appreciated a lot here in the WP community too 😊

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  12. Like you I belong to the night. I’m an owl or a bat – silently sliding through the darkness, not touching anything but ideas, sentences, images, words that capture thoughts and feelings. I am a predator and my prey is the tale.
    I think being bi-cultural is a blessing for the writer. Because it makes you see, watch, notice, listen, recognize, wonder. Nothing is obvious, nothing can be taken for granted, there is no such thing as ‘normal’, as ‘like it should be’. The bi-cultural writer is sensitive by nature.
    What if the English teacher in Singapore had said: ‘Wonderful, lot’s of detail. But Mabel, where is the bigger picture? Where is the space in wich details become details?’
    In my youth and also later, I may have told you this before, I moved house rather a lot. So no place could become home. Later in life I adopted, I took a place I call home. Not entirely by accident it is the small island and the tiny village I was born and lived until I was six years old. I do have vivid memories of the cobbled stone streets, the meadows just across our house, the lighthouse smearing it’s light on the roofs and tree tops. The sound of the surf when the wind was west, the smell of the sea and when it was my birthday that of the pancakes my mother made. Sweet memories. But I could have taken any place to call home, for no place is any place, as Maya Angelou wrote. There is no such place as dis-place.
    The writer is master of the universe.

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    • What an eloquent comment and reflection from you, Peter. I really enjoyed how you described yourself as a night owl and move through the silence of the night. It is as if you speak to the night and it speaks back to you, inspiring you.

      Certainly being a part of cultures is a blessing for the writer, and for anyone creative. You notice so much more and as you mentioned, nothing is normal. And at some point you have to get used to this not normal by embracing it to move forwards. The other side of this, as I have experienced, is being overwhelmed with ideas, the work of going through all those ideas and the exhaustion from it all. But that can be managed with balance between exploration and stepping back. What a wonderful thought – what if my English teacher did ask ‘where is the bigger picture? Where is the space in which details become details?’’ I thought about that. Maybe I would have been a bit uncertain. I do think that would have made me more curious about writing in a different way.

      You have such a fascinating backstory, and I do remember you mentioning it. The places you have been have shaped you and how you see the world, and certainly your photography. I hope you enjoy eating pancakes today and whenever you do get to eat them, you remember those sweet memories and where you have been. There is no place to belong, but we can always have the present moment.

      Your comments went to Spam and I rescued both of them. Thank you for taking the time to read, reflect and leave a comment, Peter. The photographer sees everything and is the master of capturing stories in the moment 😊🙏

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  13. That’s such a fascinating topic, Mabel. I understand you are writing from the cultural perspective, being torn between two cultures. However, many of us wonder where we came from and where we truly belong. Some say we enter the world alone, and leave it alone. Perhaps if we find somewhere and someone/s that give us comfort and some sense of togetherness along the way, we are doing well. Maybe the longing is not for this world, but for another. I’m sure Kahlil Gibran probably had something to say about that.

    As I was reading your post, I was thinking about our previous Children’s Laureate (2022 – 23) and wondered if you had read any of her work. Her name is Gabrielle Wang and she is a Chinese Australian and has written junior fiction based on her experiences, as well as more biographical works about her family. Have you ever thought of that as a way of sharing your experiences?

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    • What a lovely comment, Norah. It is so true that many of us probably wonder where we truly belong. It’s such vast topic, one that we can talk about all day from so many perspectives. That was partly why I felt I had to ground and centre my perspective in this post. I had so many thoughts about the topic! Agree with you belonging can be different things, from somewhere to someone who gives us comfort.

      I have not looked into the recent Children’s Laureate and Gabrielle Wang, from Melbourne too. I just had a look. Her book Zadie Ma looks fantastic, might actually check it out. I have thought about going back to writing fiction at some point and sharing my experiences. Some day. I hope you have been doing well and Autumn is treating you well, Norah 😊❤

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      • We all have our priorities for our own lives and writing, don’t we, Mabel? We need to stay true to ourselves, our own perspectives and our own needs. Keep doing what you’re doing (if that’s what you want). It’s important to share your perspective. It takes us all on a learning journey. 💖

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        • Sometimes I wish I could write and be creative all day… That would be the dream. But priorities are priorities and funnily enough, they do inspire me a lot. Definitely a balance between our wants and needs. It is lovely to see you again, Norah. I hope you have been well 💕

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  14. Over two millennia ago, a Tamil poet said, “Yaadhum Oore Yaavarum Kelir”, translating to “Every town is my place, and all are my kin”, reflecting the spirit of inclusivity and universality, stressing the wider connect with everyone everywhere, thereby feeling at home in any part of the world. The globalising and digital world of today with its need for supply chain dynamics and ever expanding reach of AI is dissolving every barrier, be it of region, language, race, culture and creed. Of the reported 7139 different languages around the world, the number is fast declining and very soon it may whittle down to English, Chinese, Spanish, Hindi, Bengali, Russian and Arabic. Over 7000 different languages paring down to just about 7 (!). The same shrinkage is bound to influence the diversity of cultures because languages are also vehicles of culture. So we are looking at an emerging world with population plateauing and diminishing, with national and cultural barriers waning and spaces for ecological restoration progressively expanding. There are no outsiders; everyone is an insider.
    As for your writing, Mabel, please stay inspired by a maverick like Paolo Coelho, one of the world’s most acclaimed authors. He spent his difficult childhood being shunted in and out of mental asylums and spending an uneventful period at a law school before he finally started writing and achieving success. If you are passionate about writing, please be at it, drawing inspiration from your ups and downs, and the events and characters moving in and out of your life. Best wishes..🤗

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    • A very thoughtful and insightful comment. Plenty to think about from you, Raj. Thank you for sharing what the Tamil poet said. Fascinating how we feel and interpret belonging in our own ways. AI is fascinating and there is no escaping the technology that is advancing at such a rapid pace. AI has so much potential in connecting us more than ever, yet I also think it has a darkside in that automation might standardise a lot of things. It’s a fine balance and how we use the technology.

      Language is such a powerful thing. It’s what connects us, especially if we speak and undersand the same language. This is a profound statement from you: ‘there are no outsiders; everyone is an insider.’ In many ways the world is becoming closer. We are engaging more with each others through travel and keeping in touch online. We see the world through others who we have never met and places we’ve never been.

      Ah, Paolo Coelho. He has written many books, an inspiration to many. Passion will inspire you to go the distance. I feel that way with writing. So long as I have my own space that speaks to me, I think I will write. And I feel I am meant to write and I hope one day, sooner rather than later, I will write a book. And many more. Thank you for your support, Raj. Your visit and time is always much appreciated. Take care wherever you are 😊🙏

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  15. Omg Kwong. What an article!
    Firstly, you talked about how belonging affects your writing voice, which is fascinating I guess that’s a predicament of being raised in two different cultures. It’s okay to feel that way coz you feel attached to both. I really felt it when you said it’s better to cling on one and leave the other.

    But again you talked about how the feeling of nit belonging interferes with your authentic voice. Which probably what I’ve felt too. Sometimes I repress my voice too because everyone around me doesn’t feel the same, my Dad, especially, he lives in another world to me lol 😂, it’s almost a year, since we’ve not talked, and am not even sad about it. Long story! Sorry, I brought that up! But I wanted to emphasise how that affects the majority of us. It’s like living in a bubble and no one feels home. But self-acceptance has healed me through the years too… hope to write more…

    Thirdly you talked about the sacred place, omg I too am so energetic at night call me a night owl 🦉 😂, being highly sensitive I’m too distracted in the daytime. It’s in midnight when am so productive, I recently found out about that, and I wanna change my schedule and routine. What bothers me is that am pooled to so many things, writing, making music, drawing, and sometimes filming. I don’t know how to handle them all, so I’m planning to set each week for one thing till I see which gives me more fulfilment then I’ll prioritize it.

    Anyways thank you so much for being a gift to us all with your writings, I know you put so much work on to them. You’re truly a rare germ in WordPress. Much love.

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    • Sanjo, I am so humbled by your response. You are kind, thoughtful and see things from different perspectives. Sometimes it feels good to cling onto one culture or personality – people accept us more and it’s a good feeling. But at the same time, deep down we know we are more than just one thing or role.

      You are so spot on that belonging inspires my writing voice, and at the same time it also interferes with it. I am sorry to hear that you feel your dad lives in another world. Sometimes distance is necessary for each of us to work on ourselves. It’s not a bad thing. Being apart can put things into perspective and you think about things without being solely influenced by emotion. It is when you reflect on the experiences of non-belong that you start to realise how valuable it is when you are accepted for who you are.

      Oh you are a night owl too! So lovely. I symphathise with you wanting to do so many things, and it can feel overwhelming and exhausting trying to do them all. It’s also similar with my writing – I have so many ideas like I had for this post, but I couldn’t write about all of them. That is wise of you to make time for each of the things you do, and may you find one or some which gives you fulfillment and speak to your soul. From your desire to serve and enlighten others, I know you will go far and make an impact in what you choose to do.

      It is such a pleasure to have crossed paths and connected with you, Sanjo. Hugs across the miles to you 😊❤

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      • Thanks, Kwong. I’ve not talked to Dad but energetically, and emotionally I don’t hold grudges like before. These past 2 years have taught me to look at things from all angles and perspectives. Like I saw how despite him pushing and forcing me do stuff he wanted, was because he loved me, (almost tearing sorry!) I remember as a kid, he was so protective and caring. You know we don’t see other’s intentions when we’re in anger. I realised he wanted the best for me, and me rejecting what he wanted hurted him too. Hope you got my point! Now I just wanna do what I want, and hopefully we’ll reconnect maybe.

        I think my purpose is to inspire and enlighten other’s as you said, I want to channel my creativity to anything artistic so that it can act as a source of inspiration to other people. This week I’ll focus more on writing, who knows maybe I’ll come up with another blog post.

        Me too, Kwong you are such an inspiration I love your writing, even though I’ve never seen you, I think you’re so cool in person. Hugs received, Much love.

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        • It’s so hard to move away from people who want the best for you. It sounds like your Dad loved and cared for you, really wanted the best for you. He also probably wanted to encourage you to take on opportunities But one approach doesn’t fit all. Sometimes we need more time and space before stepping forwards – and to come to realise who we want to be. Time apart can put things into perspective and help heal. I guess finding belonging and connection also involves working through hurt and pain, a source of growth where we come to understand both ourselves and others. Maybe you will reconnect with your Dad at some point. Timing is everything 🙏

          I hope you find inspiration to write this week, or next week. Or find something creative that allows you not only to connect with yourself, but turn that into inspiring others. It’s good to have a focus – that way you can work on one thing and find out if it really resonates with you. For a long time I wanted to diversify the topics I wrote and even started another blog for photography…in the end I decided to focus on this blog. I learned so much about putting your energy where it nourishes you so that you can nourish others. Thank you for your kind words, Sanjo. Such a pleasure to talk to you, my friend 😊

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  16. The Bees & Honey puzzle is one of my husband’s favorite puzzles ever. I’ve used photos of it in my social media accounts. So trippy to see it here. 

    I agree wholeheartedly with you: it’s that having a sacred space nourishes the soul. It nurtures self-acceptance. I didn’t figure this out until I was older, but once I did I’ve made sure that I have a sacred space somewhere in my home.

    And in answer to the question you pose in your title, YES! If you can’t accept who you are, really are, then no amount of trying to belong will feel right. Learn to like yourself first, then branch out. 

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    • Wow, you are familiar with the Bees & Honey puzzle and have used photos of it. That really is SO trippy! 😮 This photo of the puzzle that I took was also pretty recent. It was a few months ago at a local bookshop that had puzzles, and I remember being so drawn this particular puzzle. Felt like I had to share it with the world lol.

      The older you are, the wiser you become. You certainly know that, Ally 😊 I hope you continue to make a sacred space somewhere in your home. Sacred spaces can be so relaxing ❤

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  17. I think you’re smart to think that self-acceptance is important, probably more important than worrying about belonging. What is belonging? It’s not being like everyone else. We’re all different. Belonging is feeling comfortable with other people, having a friend or a group of friends whether they’re like you or quite different. My husband, who was born and raised in China and Taiwan, was quite different from me, but I felt that we belonged together.

    My three daughters, who are half Chinese, never seemed to worry about being different. They studied at an international school where everyone was different and everyone belonged. They’re proud of their Chinese heritage, and they learned a lot from their dad. But each one has a different personality, different strengths and weaknesses.

    I think you’re right to enjoy being your authentic self.

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    • What a wonderful example you use to illustrate belonging. I like how you explained it, that you and Eugene are quite different in so many ways from upbringing to personal experiences. Yet you feel that you belonged together. It must have been a bit hard to explain and comprehend. When you feel comfortable with each other, it usually leads to a closer relationship.

      It is great your daughters got to experience international school. Everyone brought their own culture and experiences, and learned from each other. Thanks for reading and reflecting, Nicki. I hope you are doing well 😊❤

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  18. Your posts always get me scratching my head. Not because I don’t understand them, rather they make my mind spin with thoughts and ideas. I think I am fortunate to be caucasian and brought up in a completely middle class family. Being a Defence Force brat, I went o a lot of different schools as my Dad was posted here and there. I dont think I ever had the feeling of not belonging, not even when I went to school in Singapore. What I did feel at times was an insecurity about my ‘transient’ background. Crazy I know! People often say travel broadens you mind, but as a kid it just gives you less time to develop lasting friendships. To this day, I consider myself a bit of a loner, not quite an introvert, but I definitely like being by myself at times. I guess that is why I ride a motorcycle – even if I have a pillion, an in-depth conversation is nigh impossible with all the noise (comforting noise). I just said comforting noise and by that i mean white noise, like the ocean, wind in trees, rain on window panes, all the romantic noises. I cannot stand shopping centres of coffee shops with loud music and loud people. I’m rambling.
    What I want to say about your writing Mabel, is that it is completely engaging. Your style is unique and the book will be worth the ten f..king years it took to write. I cannot wait to read it.
    Stay safe and warm, I know your least favourite season is near. Hug from Tassie

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    • I laughed when you said you read this post and it made your mind spin with ideas. It is such a compliment, thank you so much, Andy. I never imagined my writing would have that impact. But I always wish it does 😄 Fascinating how you lived a very transient life growing up. Sounded like you were used to it and just made the most of wherever you were. For me when I was growing up and moving around, it was a bit different: different places confused me, though I was a fascinated by what is out there in the world.

      Definitely agree that being on the move gives you less time to develop lasting friendships. One might argue that these days it is easier because of social media. But really there is nothing like connecting with others in person. There is something genuine, heart to heart about that which you can’t always get talking to people online. It sounds like your motorcycle and motorcycle rides is your happy place – be it in Summer, Spring, Autumn or Winter. Many more rides for you.

      I think my writing style is evolving, especially learning what I have learnt about writing these past couple of years. Definitely been challenged out of my comfort zone as a writer. But I feels so right. Thank you for your support, Andy. Wishing you a warm winter over there in Tassie 😊❤

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  19. A fabulous post, Mabel. Another thought provoking topic and one that really resonates with me. I have experienced the feeling of belonging in a group of friends to only end up feeling I don’t belong after all. That is a painful experience. What do I learn from it? I come back home to me, my authentic self. The idea of sacred space is crucial to me whether it be an actual space or a place inside me or in nature. Thank you for sharing the lovely quotes as well, I have written them in my journal to be reminded. Your writing is beautifully expressed, Mabel. So thoughtful. I like how you weave your thoughts together on such complex subjects. As to the time it takes to write a book, it is different for everyone and each kind of book. I love that you write late at night and notice the lights slowly going out in neighboring homes. I tend to the opposite of getting up in the wee hours when the neighborhood is in a deep sleep only to notice a few hours later, lights coming on and dawn breaking.

    Always wonderful to hear your writing voice, Mabel and see a new post of yours pop into my email.

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    • You shared such a relatable experience there – on experiencing belonging with friends and then ending up feeling you don’t feel a part of the group. Sometimes each of us change, other times people are not who they seem and we feed disconnected. I like that you reflect on these experiences and stay true to yourself to stand strong.

      I am so heartened to hear you found the quotes lovely. I feel they have universal meanings. Honestly this post was one of the more challenging ones I’ve written. But loved how it turned out 😄 Enjoy your early morning writing sessions, Lisa. Sounds like that’s when you get inspired, and may you see many beautiful sunrises as you write. Hope you are doing well ❤

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  20. Hi Mabel. I saw this when you first posted and my mind was spinning with thoughts about belonging. I wasn’t sure where to begin, and honestly, I’m still not. I can relate to much of what you’ve written, but for different reasons. I’d need my own blog post, and then some, to describe it. I don’t know if you write strictly nonfiction, but I write fiction, and I find that it’s cathartic to create characters who deal with many of life’s struggles. It gives me an outage for my own feelings. When my character(s) learn and grow from their struggles, I’m teaching what I need to learn. I’ve had struggles with alone-time lately. Since covid, my husband has been working from home permanently and I’ve had writer’s block. I need my space to be creative. Recently, he found an office space (out of the house) he can work at two days a week, so hopefully I can become more productive, at least for those two days. 🤞

    Thank you for your thoughtful post.

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    • Thank you so much for your kind, thoughtful comment, Lori. You made me think. When you said your mind was spinning and you weren’t sure where to begin – that was exactly how I felt when I sat down to write this post. I had so much else I wanted to say. Belonging is such a vast topic, and so setting the context helps to explore it in-depth.

      That is amazing creating fiction characters is a way for you to channel your energy and life experiences. You can inspire others through your characters. I wrote fiction a long time ago and I really enjoyed creating characters and giving them their own personality. Which I have come to realise is easier said than done…

      I am sorry to hear about your struggles recently. Very heartened to hear that things are picking up, and I hope you find your space where you can write and be creative. Sometimes that takes trial and error, and I hope you get to write a lot more soon. Hope Spring is treating you well so far. Sending you much love 😊❤

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  21. Hey Mabel,

    You know, there was a time in my life when I moved around the US in an effort to find where I belonged. Surprise! I never found it, but that’s okay. I don’t think that’s the point of life. Some might say it’s to feel good, to do what feels good, and without going into extremes, I think there’s something profound in that seemingly selfish statement.

    Why do you write? I’m guessing it’s because it feels good. Not all the time, sure, but you do it because you enjoy it. Being a good person is in this, too, right?, as many folks do kind deeds because it makes them feel good!

    I’ve since decided trying to find belonging is like trying to find love when you don’t love yourself. Chasing fame is like chasing trends and ultimately is short lived, like the initial high of a (social media) post going viral; you’ll forever be trying to recreate sth that was its own thing.

    But what do I know? I’m still trying to figure it all myself. But congratulations on being here, trying your best, and writing what I think is your most personal post yet. It looks like you’ve got yourself plenty of readers and supporters, too. Maybe it’s not all that bad? 🙂 xo

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    • ‘I don’t think that’s the point of life.’ That is such an interesting way to think about belonging. I am sure people will vehemently disagree with you. I agree with you. There is no one point or one single goal in life. I do think many of us come to face the idea of where they belonging at some point, could be a small thing or a bigger thing depending on their circumstnaces.

      Why do I write? As you mentioned, definitely because it feels good. I enjoy it. I feel myself when I write 😊 When I found a way to make an impact with my writing and aligned it with my mission, that took my activity of writing to the next level. It’s hard to explain, but I guess now I also write because I feel called to do it.

      Finding belonging is like chasing fame and chasing an initial high – love that analogy! We really are all trying to do our best everyday. No one is perfect, just like there is no perfect place or space to be in all the time. It’s funny you said this is my most personal post. I guess it’s because it’s a more evolved writing style that highlights the small things we think, see and feel that often goes unnoticed. Thank you for reading, reflecting and kind words, Lani! Always appreciate you. Hugs across the miles 😊❤

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  22. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us Mabel. You summed it all up perfectly with this: ‘Self-acceptance is about embracing the layers of yourself.’ It’s about accepting and being comfortable in your own skin. It doesn’t mean that will make you comfortable everywhere you go or whatever you do. It means you are self-accepting and self- loving, and no matter how great you are within, we don’t feel that comfort in every situation, but we learn from ourselves what we will and won’t tolerate, and to remove ourselves from situations that don’t make us feel our most comfortable. And as for writing, variety is the spice of life my friend. There are no time limits other than the ones we put upon ourselves for writing – and of course, a publisher’s deadline.

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  23. Self-acceptance is so hard for many people, and particularly teenagers, I think. I know that it wasn’t until I was in college that I figured out “who I was” and decided that was okay. But I didn’t have to struggle with a cultural identity, which your blog posts have showed us how challenging that can be. I teach my writing students, though, that writing about our selves helps us not only discover who we really are, but to accept and LIKE who we really are. You prove that in your blog. ❤

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    • I so agree with you. Self-acceptance is indeed so hard for many people. ‘Who am I’ can be such a challenging question, for a person has different roles and identities throughout their lives.

      It is wonderful that you teach your writing students to write about yourself. That encourages slowing down and reflection. I hope your students takeaway something from these activities. you re so kind with your words, Pam. Thank you so much. Hope you are doing well 😊❤

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  24. I think times are changing. We all must accept ourselves first, and have the courage to BE ourselves, unique contributions to the human race. No one exactly like another! If we can silence the inner critic, the voices in our head from our past conditioning, imagine the possibilities! You are such a gifted writer, Mabel. Don’t let anybody convince you otherwise! We owe it to the future of the world to Be Ourselves. Blessings and love! ❤️

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    • Wise words, Bela. We should all dare to be ourselves. It’s easier said than done, and for some it takes work and is quite a journey. The inner critic can offer us lessons, but at the same time we also have the choice to break free and explore possibilities.

      I really enjoyed writing this post. You are very kind, Bela. Thank you for your support. I hope you are doing well wherever you are headed. Hugs across the miles 😊❤

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  25. Being a writer is something that’s so hard to do, not just because of the rejections from publishers, but because others don’t understand all the work it entails. It’s “fluffy” to some, to others it’s “not real work.” But, like you, writing is my passion, and I’d be lost without it. I feel for you as you have the added layer of not feeling like you belong on an even bigger scale. You express yourself so well, so heartbreakingly, Mabel. I send big hugs. You mention in your post about not home being a place for belonging and that’s very true for me. I find myself going out less and less, feeling the cozyness of home away from judgment is right for me. I send you many hugs. You wrote a great post here.

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    • ‘It’s “fluffy” to some, to others it’s “not real work.’ That’s a great way to describe how people perceive writing and writers. Writing needs structure as much as creativity. It can take a lot of work to combine the two. I hope you continue to feel a sense of cozyness at home and away judgement. And find solace in writing. Thanks, Christy. Sending you hugs across the many miles 😊❤

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  28. “I am me. I am my labels and more. “

    We have so been conditioned by ‘Labels dear Mabel, I can appreciate your struggle in finding your true inner identity when the outer world is so eager to put everyone in a box, judging the book by the cover, rather than what is inside.

    “There’s something mysterious yet so magical about the witching hours.”

    Those are the hours when I connect to that inner source of intuition, where I just trust what comes as I write it down Mabel.. Some of my best poetry and muses are written in those ‘witching hours’.

    “A greater appreciation of belonging arises out of the experiences of non-belonging.”

    The thing is, do we belong to anyplace or anyone? Except Belonging to ourselves..  Being comfortable in our own skin, our own values, and our own beliefs, and that is not an easy statement when we have been conditioned all our lives to BE what others often wish us to be..

    I know it took great courage in my own early years to admit to my work colleagues that I went to a Spiritualist church and was a practising Medium in my spare time. Because I was worried about being judged as some looney lol 🙂 

    I love the quote by Joseph Campbell… about finding yourself in your sacred space…  That is a profound quote which is so true..

    I loved how you walked me through all of your thought process Mabel…

    YES! You ARE a Writer, and a good one Mabel, and I love the fact you study the stars…  Knowing what YOU want out of your life… Not that which is expected of you from others.. And following YOUR dreams..

    Your last question to us all, “ Do you have a special place or activity where you feel like you belong?”

    I am most comfortable in my own sacred space, be that writing, walking, gardening, or painting Mabel.. Because I focus my attention in that moment of time giving my all to that task or that thought.  Shutting all else out..

    And in those moments, I am Whole and complete.. And fully accepted..  Xx 💖  A beautiful post Mabel.. Thank you for sharing your journey ..

    💖✨💖

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    • Indeed we have been so conditioned by labels, and on what is considered acceptable. Identity is subjective and unique to each individual. For some of us, it will take time accepting who we are and it can be an incredibly empowering journey.

      I love hearing that the witching hours speak to you, dear Sue. It can be an incredible creative time as you know, letting your mind wander and channeling through art… And it is amazing that your scared space also lies being out and tending to nature. So grounding.

      Belonging to ourselves is probably a challenge for many of us, maybe something a lot of us search for. It is easier said than done. Amazing you had the courage back then to share that you were a practising medium. Wow, you really believed in yourself so early on which is incredible. I am sure some people might see that as looney. But I guess people are into different things and each of us are on our own journeys (and you probably agree with me on that 🙂 ). When Joseph Campbell speaks of scared spaces and the Kingdom being there, it makes me think that the Kingdom is within us – our Kingdom and true self waiting and ready to roar.

      It has been enlightening for me studying the stars…and getting back into studying cards of late as well 💖 Excited to see where the language of the skies and path of writing leads. Thank you for your visit and sharing, Sue. I felt warmed by your presence, generosity and words of wisdom. Always a delight to see you and chat with you. Many hugs across the many miles 😊❤

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  29. Hi Mabel,
    What a profound insight into a deeply thought provoking subject. It’s an interesting topic, and I genuinely think that belonging starts with self acceptance, looking within to discover who we are at our core. For me now, effectively homeless with no real base, and with my son and daughter grown up, belonging is not about a place, but a feeling that wherever I AM I am part of that. Perhaps it’s all about appreciating the moment, honouring life in all its ups and downs, challenging moments and joy filled ones. I love what you said,
    “Not everything needs to make sense. It just has to feel right.” Keep writing, late at night if that’s what stirs your soul, keep being you and work away at that book. It will be uniquely yours and wonderful I’m sure for you really do have a gift. Take care Mabel. Sending lots of love your way xx 🥰

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    • I read your comment with a lot of interest, Miriam. Fascinating you live a life on the move, which is not really expected the older you get. But the older you get, the more you realise how important each moment is. And so is being comfortable with yourself. I really like that you describe belonging as feeling of being wherever you are, you are part of that – being part of the moment.

      Thank you for the visit and kind words, Miriam. Writing speaks to me and I’ve always felt that I am meant to be a writer. I will eventually write and publish my book. Very excited to see where this writing journey takes me. Hope you are doing well. Sending you lots of love your way too 😊❤

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  30. Although one may have healthy self-acceptance, it’s when others (usually strangers or distant folks) might challenge your own self-image/self-understanding and it varies at different stages in life.

    Every time, I have moved to live in a different city and province, it is reorienting oneself and meeting some new folks who have to learn to accept …me. Sometimes it’s quite immediate, other times, it may take time or never. Never are people who I don’t care for.

    I’ve lived in 3 different provinces in my lifetime so far. 

    It can become challenging as one ages.

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    • That is so interesting to read of your experiences moving around and being an outsider, Jean. I like how you frame it, that new folks have to accept you. Sometimes that can take time. And at the same time, you have to learn (maybe also re-learn) who you really are in a different city as you engage with it. Who you think you are can change.

      I always like hearing about your stories wherever you are, Jean. You seem to know how you are. Hope you are doing well 😊❤

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  31. I feel like the process of self-acceptance can take awhile though I’m glad you’re writing about it and aiming for it, as opposed to only caring about external success or validation. I think the racial/cultural elements you name are important to consider. I feel like one reason I have relatively high self-esteem is because I reject white supremacy and all notions that I’m inferior in any way. Almost all of my close friends are people of color and I am very intentional about collaborating with people of color, ingesting media centering people of color by people of color, etc. That’s one way I approach self-acceptance, in addition to working through my trauma and other things.

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    • I love your comment, Thomas. Like you, I also think racial and cultural elements are important to consider when reflecting on who we are. It’s great that your circle is diverse and it sounds like you all support each other, which is fantastic. You really see different perspectives and yourself differently when you are around people of colour, Hope you are doing well, Thomas. Keep working on yourself. Hugs to you 😊❤

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  32. Selamat Pagi Kawanku. A deep text. Which is normal for you. 😉

    I just copied it to a Word file to read in print. I’ll get back to you. Belonging is an increasingly difficult endeavour in those days when identity is increasingly reduced to… origins.

    I personally believe it is not right. Though one cannot ignore where one comes from, the self has too many dimensions to be shrunk to “Chines” or “French”. 😉

    I’ll be back to you…

    🙏🏻

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