There’s the possibility that many of us become more introverted as we get older. Our personalities change with life experiences. We become more self-aware and along with that, perhaps there’s an inclination to be more reserved on different levels.

Perhaps for many of us, we become naturally introverted with time and find this meaningful.

Susan Cain, author of Quiet, refers to what psychologists call ‘intrinsic maturation’ whereby our personalities become more mature, balanced and stable as we move into different phases of life. Attributing introversion to a preference for less stimulating and more reflective environments, for Cain introspection ‘may help us age with equanimity….(and) make sense of where you’ve been.’ When we are more thoughtful and reflective as we age, we likely connect with ourselves more and find certainty in who we are.

As a writer who is a self-professed introvert, staying in and avoiding crowds speaks to me. It’s what I often do, and it’s grounding. Also quite often in spaces of quietness, I wonder about the gravity of miniscule details with fervent imagination, ponder uncertainties of the present and overthink the possibilities ahead.

I wonder what I am doing on a Melbourne tram headed into the city this Saturday evening, late May 2023. I wonder why I left behind a night of staying in: pausing sliding that homemade pizza dinner into the oven and picking up where I left off Eat, Pray, Love – on the reading list for the writing course that I am deep in the throes of, and part of the bottomless pit of research for my first book.

The tram grinds to halt in front of Flinders Street Station. I muscle through the din and throng of chatting passengers, out of the tram onto the wide footpath. A walk outside to ground and quell that incessant writer’s block. Reaching for my camera in my bag, I look up at the grey clouds in the sky. My mind envisions a canvas of darker clouds as the sun sets. The chilly autumnal breeze is pretty evident. I wonder if I’ll actually enjoy tonight’s spontaneous walk.

As you get older, chances are you become more inclined to spend time with those who matter. Chances are you become more distant, more introverted on the social front. Priorities change across different phases of life, coming on the back of much learning and growth. Some become a very distant memory, your circle whittled down to the family you choose or the special few who simply get you and more importantly, are there for you. What is meaningful to you is quality over quantity of relationships.

Research shows extraversion declines with age and a lesser interest in forming new relationships, a preference to tend to existing ones. It makes sense actually, since through the ups and downs you tend to get a reality check of how you spend your time. Nurturing yourself becomes a constant at the expense of saying yes to everyone and everything.

So naturally you come to appreciate time to yourself more and even seek that out. With maturity sensing the allure of introversion, you come to appreciate your own space away from the noise. That could look like your evening walk. Or reading a new book. Or simply thinking uninterrupted.

It’s easy to lose track of one’s worth in a world where competition and ego collide in chasing the next big thing. The inner world becomes appealing to reclaim and redefine your sense of self – where you get to hold space for yourself, question the mainstream and believe in possibilities yet untold. What is worthwhile to you is finding your power to listen to you and yourself in the stillness as you get wiser.

Perhaps introverted intuition (Ni) creeps up on you with time. A personality trait considered a perceiving function, it involves a tendency to see underlying patterns. It is a sense of searching for hidden meaning: linking experiences, symbols, memory and imagery from within and lived, making connections out of ambiguity in the present and foretelling what’s to come. For Carl Jung in Psychological Types, the introverted intuitive may be the mystical dreamer, artist or misunderstood genius who perceives via the unconscious with detachment and in the process ‘the consciousness of his own bodily existence fades from (view), as does its effect upon others.’

With growing self-awareness throughout life, perhaps you sense that there is more to first impressions. Perhaps you step back to explore what’s beneath the surface with much imagination. Amidst withdrawing for quieter pastures or chasing your deepest, creative passions later in life, sometimes you feel a need for deeper fulfillment that you struggle to explain let alone visualise.

I stroll along the river. The itch across my chest becomes unbearable, feeling like red angry skin underneath my acrylic jumper put on the wrong way. I meander to the side of the path, take off the jumper and put it on the right way. I don’t think much about modesty and walk on.

I wonder if I am absent-minded this evening. Anxious, even. Clearly in two minds about being out here tonight. Unhurried time in solitude manifests calm and focus, at least for introverted me.

A near empty tram rumbles past in the other direction that I came from, its warm interior lights looking inviting against the descending darkness tonight. I turn away from the dense traffic and point my camera towards the city skyline, admiring the first quarter moon in the distance. A perfect half moon this evening, symbolic of illumination and darkness, of tenaciously moving forward towards breakthroughs and facing decisions to meet your shadow.

As you get older, you understand time is all the more valuable. You rather retreat as opposed to putting up with what isn’t aligned with your values. You come to see the bigger picture in more open, subjective terms. Perhaps there’s more tapping into your introverted intuitive side, more wondering: sensing distinct connections between mundane concepts and filtering out possibilities to reach symbolic conclusions. In turn you embrace unique over shadowing definitive others.

But leading a completely introverted life isn’t practical. It’s hard to live a life in your own bubble keeping to yourself and without engaging with others. Getting out of your comfort zone throughout your journey in life makes for growth, and growing as a person never stops.

In the words of Jung in conversation with Richard Evans, each person gravitates towards a certain personality type but possess different traits of different degrees: ‘There is no such thing as a pure extrovert or a pure introvert…those are only terms to designate a certain penchant, a certain tendency.’

It could also be that you become more comfortable with yourself and extroverted as time goes on, more confident in reaching out to others. You may be introverted but become more confident in extroverted moments such as networking or public speaking, putting yourself out there in your own quiet way – before retreating once again. Self-belief in itself is something very meaningful, every bit empowering together with self-awareness gained over time.

I pass the bridge overlooking the river, the big bright MCG stadium in the distance beneath a blue hour sky. I stop at the traffic lights as another empty, brightly-lit inviting tram rumbles past. The Saturday crowd swells around me. They laugh, chat loudly, some dressed up for a long night out by the looks of it. For quite a few of them, it is probably another weekend escaping the daily grind and living to their heart’s content.

I cross the road with the crowd flanked close by my side. My pulse quickens. Deep down I chose to be in the busy city tonight: partly to see if I could meet the moon, partly to step away from the deep and dark trenches of going around in circles with writing. Now on the other side of the bridge with the crowd still flanked by my side, I remind myself that a balance between mingling around and retreating is key to writer’s wellness when you’re an introvert, as I wrote in the anthology This Is How We Grow.

When you get older and gain perspective, chances are you revel and reflect in solitude to figure out what and where your next step is. That said, maybe that is why some reluctantly become more introverted with age and time – especially if you like and are used to social interactions and stimulation. Loneliness and feeling out of touch can be a result of reserved lifestyle at any point in life.

It is worthwhile being intentional in moments of solitude, thinking of what’s important to you and come to understand yourself more. And in turn be more intentional about showing up in the world or living your lifestyle, be it as an introvert or extrovert or any personality in between.

Through reflection in solitude, you often see different perspectives and different versions of yourself. Though many of your core traits are likely to stay the same over time, elements of your personalities evolve as you become more certain of yourself. Notably Jung considers solitude as a fount of healing and there is much to explore about yourself:

‘(The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely)…Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart…Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.’

– Letter to Fanny Bowditch in 22 October 1916 and Letter to Gustav Schmaltz in 30 May 1957.

I pass a threesome of a band playing on the bridge. I glance at them, playing not to a crowd but to people walking by. I wonder what it took for the band to get to this moment. Perhaps a great deal of thought and time in the background. And grounding.

I keep walking, finally parting from the weekend crowd and pausing at the tram stop. A near empty, brightly lit tram pulls up. I get on. Gladly.

Apart from homemade pizza, a book and writing, I wonder what else is in store for me tonight. I wonder where writing will take me.

Do you find yourself getting more introverted with time?