What I Really Think About Asian Girls, White Guys And Dating

Asian girls with white guys. White guys dating Asian girls. These relationships attract a good deal of divided attention anytime, anywhere.

Some might not care less about Asian-female-white-male or AFWM couples, seeing them as just another kind of couple. Others might disapprove and disapprove a great deal.

Love art #1

Love art #1

In a world where many gravitate towards cookie-cutter stereotypes, usually the latter opinion is heard more. That’s odd as people get together for different reasons. Each AFWM relationship and any relationship for that matter works differently. Not everyone is a stereotype and it begs the question: why stereotypically judge AFWM relationships?

Here in Melbourne, interracial couples are common. My professional and social circles are quite diverse, and AFWM couples aren’t an issue with me.

I’ve chosen not to share my intimate relationships online. So if you’re reading to find out my relationship status or whether I’m into a certain race, stop right here.

This piece is not an attack on any relationship or the worshipping of one. It’s a commentary on how I feel about AFWM and intercultural couples, why they get judged and thoughts on what can make relationships work, based on academic literature and what I’ve heard over the years.

To hate or not to hate on ‘yellow-fever’?

Speak of AFWM relationships, speak of yellow fever. Yellow fever is a term often applied to someone obsessed with Asian culture. In the context of AFWM couples, this obsession could be a sexual desire for Asian women, a fixation for stereotypical traits of Asian women such as submissiveness, quietness and petite body parts. In short, yellow fever objectifies, exotifies and fetishizes Asian women.

One can argue this phenomenon stems from the idea of Orientalism. Most notably critiqued by Edward Said in 1978, the ‘Orient’ represents the East and is constructed from a Western perspective (East as passive, West as active) in a post-colonial era; Orientalism is ultimately a study on knowledge and power between East and West. During WWII and post-Vietnam and Korean wars, over 20,000 Japanese women were enslaved as prostitutes to service American soldiers.

Creepy and disgusting are some words used to describe those with yellow-fever. Over the years I’ve had white guys trying to get my attention. Some years ago on a hot summer’s afternoon, I was waiting for the traffic light to turn green before crossing the road. This white guy about 30-40 years old dressed in a T-shirt and board shorts ambled up to me. He glanced down and casually said, ‘Nice slippers. Very small’.

Slightly unnerved, I looked down at my open-toed sandals. Well, I do have small feet. Wonder how long you’ve been watching me. The guy went on, ‘Where are you from? Singapore? Aaaahh, I know Lee…Kuan…Yew. He was a good man.’ The light turned green and I walked across the road, away from the guy and the 24-hour brothel that we were standing right in front of.

As I walked away, I didn’t look back. It was a creepy encounter. But I didn’t feel angry. Just not my type of person. And I let it be. He didn’t follow me. I didn’t have a problem with him.

But when is yellow fever a problem? That’s a matter of perspective. Writer Sheridan Prasso suggests in The Asian Mystique that when preference becomes a fetish is a fine line; both preference and fetishisation are ‘so pervasive in relations between East and West’. Nicolas Gattig builds upon Prasso’s argument, proposing it’s up to an individual if they feel objectified. So in a sense, yellow fever might not be a problem for two if two parties like each other for the stereotypes that they are.

Love art #2

Love art #2

Yellow fever and being obsessed with a person or culture could be a problem when it’s something one can’t stop thinking about; it clouds other opinions which one can learn from. However, yellow fever arguably is always a problem as it reduces others to stereotype, belittling identities, individual strengths and the right to representation.

It’s okay to have certain tastes, preferences and attraction. Our feelings can be hard to control. Yellow fever can be hard to control. From a scientific perspective, as evolutionary psychologist Bill Von Hippel proposes on sexual attraction, our minds recognise contrasting biological factors and people are attracted to others who they reckon have different genes or the potential to be a good parent – and ‘optimal outbreeding’ arguably presents less genetic mutations. From a sociological perspective, if someone constantly spent time around people of particular backgrounds, one could get along well with them and be drawn to them. After all, people gravitate to what they are familiar with when wanting comfort.

Today women of Asian background around the world are independent, accomplished and articulate self-worth. Domineering Tiger Mums are in fact forward thinkers and long-term planners. Some of us might be attracted to these kinds of personalities and intrigued by how cultural background plays a part in that. Perhaps that’s a different kind of fever alongside yellow fever and white fever, yet another kind of attraction.

There’s no reason why we can’t start a relationship right away based on physical, mental or spiritual attraction. But it’s important to remember that it’s one thing to be attracted to someone for their body and personality today, and another thing to want to be around that body and personality tomorrow and in the years to come.

Love art #3

Love art #3

Relationship racial micro-aggressions

When you date someone of another race, you might get called racist. Or a racist and traitor towards one’s own race.

It’s racist when a white guy prefers a quiet Asian woman and see their supposed submissiveness, luscious dark locks and vaginas as the best things to like about them. It’s racist when a white guy feels a white woman can’t ever be an ‘exotic mechanism’.

Some Malaysian women have mentioned they much rather date westerners. They cite reasons being a lack of connection with Malaysian men and the traditional norms Malaysians grew up with, and find more investment out of westerners with an adventurous side. Racist? Arguably yes because not everyone of the same race fits the stereotype.

Sociologist Karen D. Pyke writes this behaviour can be referred to as internalised racism which is defined as the ‘internalization of racial oppression by the racially subordinated’. In other words, the more someone associates themselves with their cultural (minority) community, the more they feel self-hate.

Love art #4

Love art #4

Within my circles, Asian women have said they get rejected by Asian guys for being ‘too outspoken’ or ‘too opinionated’. They’ve also mentioned the challenges of ‘being Asian’ and ‘being Western’ in AFWM relationships, both mindsets equally important to them. For example, one of my Asian gal pals mentioned she takes her shoes off at home like a typical Asian person but her western partner doesn’t – and they haven’t found a compromise after being together for years.

Then there are some of my Asian friends who’ll only go out with another Asian person. Funny how if someone prefers going out with someone else of the same background, it’s not usually seen as racist but an oath to cultural loyalty and pride. Traditional Asian culture tends to be on the conservative side and upholds the importance of following cultural customs – maintaining ethnic purity and solidarity is number one which is what dancer and author Jenevieve Chang writes.

We might not agree with certain aspects of our culture. That’s okay, and that’s similar to how each of us have preferences for certain things. It’s not racist when we don’t discriminate against what we don’t associate with but simply let it be.

So can we selectively choose to date someone of another race and not be racist? Maybe, maybe not. In any relationship, at some point one’s cultural background will come up which could be talked about, and then accepted or swept under the rug. Relationships aren’t perfect but about give and take – and if we can’t accept some things in a relationship, maybe that’s not the relationship for us.

Love art #5

Love art #5

Practicality and privilege

Some have practical approaches to intimate relationships. Some get together because they feel they can get something out of a relationship. Some want someone who can look out for them. Some want someone to pay their bills. Some want someone to feel a little less lonely.

Many of us get along best with our peers or people around our age. Looking at large age gap AFWM relationships, one can help but wonder why these couples get together. The story might go: the woman wants to ‘marry up’ and move to a developed Western country for a more comfortable lifestyle, and the white guy someone to dote on him. They might get together through a matchmaking mail order bride route, starting off as pen pals and then hooking up in person.

Maybe it’s true love for some match-made AFWM couples. Or maybe not because some of these relationships in Australia end in one party exploiting the other financially. Filipina e-brides on sponsored visas here have faced domestic abuse and are six times more likely to face abuse compared to mail-order brides from another country – and hesitant to speak up as domestic abuse is a taboo topic in their culture.

In addition, in the age of modern love in China, well-educated ‘leftover women’ are finding suitors in western men through online dating. With being single often seen as a let down in Asia, some have said Asian men are terrified of their accomplishments and see western men as more open towards gender roles. And so they hook up.

Such match-making relationships could be relationships of convenience, relationships where the Asian inferiority complex and white privilege comes into play. In the midst of infatuation and wanting to be in a relationship for the sake of being in one, cultural stereotypes are exploited for personal gratification.

When a relationship is a relationship out of a need, someone will give you the time of day.  But it doesn’t mean it’s a relationship where you’ll truly understand each other.

Love art #6

Love art #6

Judgement from the world

Going out with someone of a different race, chances are others will judge.

Others might be concerned about how you and your partner might not get along because of cultural differences. Others might look at AFWM relationships in this racist world and be reminded of white sexual imperialism during the colonialism eras of WWII – and don’t want a repeat of that.

Maybe that’s why some look down on kids born into interracial families. Look more Western than Asian if you’re someone with Asian-Western heritage, there’s the perception you’ll have a better chance in life – perception that Western genes dominate, ‘whiteness’ dominates society (when really everyone deserves opportunity). Moreover, Asian women dating white men are at times seen as brainwashed by white superiority and as white women in yellow face who can’t truly represent other Asian women – the start of breeding out one’s own race. This is ironic as we all have our differences, have constantly evolved biologically for six million years and diversity is about accepting each other for the way we are.

Love art #7

Love art #7

Hapa, halfies, hafu, half-bred, half-caste are some (offensive) names ascribed to those of mixed lineage. Half connotes not whole; not whole connotes something broken and lost forever. Going back to the notion of ethnic purity: people can be proud of their heritage, cultural traditions and lessons passed down from generation to generation – and want to maintain that for the sake of ‘face’ or pride.

So when you go out with someone of another race, you might be seen as ‘not good enough’ for someone of the same race. Not worthy enough of dating among your own race because you’re too ‘different’ for having different beliefs. A black sheep of sorts ending up with someone of another race at the bottom of the barrel too.

Do others have a right to tell you whom to date? No. Fact is, we’re each entitled to our choices, opinions and the way we want to live our lives. In the face of resistance from others, that’s when you really question what your relationship means to you and why you stand by that person, and what is it about them that is important to you – and you to them.

* * *

As mentioned at the beginning, each relationship is unique and works differently. Some relationships take on a more modern mindset, others a more traditional perspective. Each of us have different wants and needs out of our relationships at different points in our lives.

Notably, the representation of Asian women, Asian men and Westerners in the media underpins cultural stereotypes and assumptions about multicultural relationships. In mainstream media and Hollywood, Asian women are often portrayed for the male gaze while Asian men as meek caricatures not worthy of affection or acceptance, undateable and emasculated (with the Asian masculine space erased) – Westerners dominate with their voices. In the eyes of mainstream media, one race is worthier than the other.

Love art #8

Love art #8

In reality, many of us are capable of seeing the bigger picture and seeing each other as more than stereotypes. Hence why I’m writing this post, and probably why there are countless articles out there on intercultural relationships, representation, individual rights and more. Hence why I’m not judging the white and Asian guys who’ve both told me I’m nothing more than: a body to get down on and fill up, too Western, too Asian, too quiet, too opinionated, too prude, a white worshipper, a China doll, a banana, ling ling, a good girl, a six pack under the arm and a stubborn head.

Our choice of a partner comes down to a number of factors: what we look for in someone, whether we get along, who comes our way and more. Each relationship depends on preference as much as circumstance, and chance.

In mutually understanding relationships, there’s no need to prove to our partner we’re good enough for them. No need to justify our background to each other be it in a same-race or intercultural relationship, just like no need to justify each other’s annoying habits. We can learn from opposites, feel comfortable around similar traits.

‘Where are you from’ matters but there’s more to a relationship than one’s background. Inevitably there are cultural differences in most relationships. Once we accept these differences and acknowledge they matter, it’s not a big deal. But it’s always a big deal how you feel about each other every day, and a big deal about that thing called trust between each other.

What do you think about interracial relationships? What makes a relationship work?

240 thoughts on “What I Really Think About Asian Girls, White Guys And Dating

  1. I am aware of yellow fever. But from my own experience, the white guys who were obsessed with Asian women and culture were more smug than anything. They spend a week in Japan, they know some elementary Chinese, they take an Asian studies class for a quarter and they suddenly call themselves an encyclopedia of all things Asian. I perceive it as smug because there has been many times they tell me I am not Asian enough. I am not sure what’s that suppose to mean. Is it because I’m tall and not petite? Is it because I say Tagalog is not my primary language. Of all people, why should they tell me who I should and how I should act.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am sorry to hear you’ve been called not Asian enough. You are who you are. You bring up a good point there – that some people think they know everything about a culture after a short trip to a different country. Each culture is diverse; there are sub-groups and dialects within a group – and even as person of Chinese heritage, I feel there is so much to learn about Chinese culture and all that it is.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I will be honest to share that being an Asian I had never heard of the term ‘yellow fever’ in this context. So this was the first time I learnt about the stereotype and how Asian women are perceived.

    I agree with you that when we are in a relationship, it’s stems from mutual respect and love. That is how it should be in my mind. Intercultural relationships must be hard but if there is love and respect, they would thrive.

    Sorry that you had to face these things. Coming to think of that, I have seen Westerners judging Indians and many Indians trying to show off that India is open. Well, it is but it is also not. So I see it as trying to show one culture equivalent or superior to another. I can only imagine what it would mean if such a conversation were to happen between 2 people dating each other.

    A very well researched and crafted post, Mabel.

    Like

    • It can be hard to tell if someone has yellow fever. Maybe there have been moments where yellow fever – or an obsession with any culture – has eclipsed us. It really is a matter of perspective.

      India is India in it’s own way. Good on those for standing up and showing India is more than stereotypes. But at the same time, Indians (at least those I’ve come across) are very proud of their culture – and in a way proud of some stereotypical traits. Between two people dating each other, I reckon each other’s stereotypes and non-stereotypical traits have to be accepted.

      Thanks for stopping by, Parul. Much appreciated 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I think relationships are hard and complicated regardless, and people tend to be judgmental, it’s hard to avoid those two facts in my opinion. So, for my part, I just try to be aware of when I am judging others and knock it off and just concern myself with maintaining my own relationships in a healthy way.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Definitely. Relationships are hard and complicated, and also unpredictable and uncertain. You just don’t know where a relationship will go. Best to focus on ourselves and who we’ve got in our lives, and work to make them the best they can be.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh Mabel, you are never afraid to tackle potentially controversial topics and I love that about you. I’m a white woman in a relationship with an Asian man (Filipino) and I think he is amazing. That goes not for his skin color but for his values and gentle, giving soul. It is sad that someone would only date with “yellow fever” in mind because it’s the inner person that matters the most, not their skin color. I am wishing you a wonderful New Year, my friend!!

    Like

    • Thanks, Christy. This topic was such an interesting one to write about. Your relationship sounds amazing and your man sounds like a great person. You are right that it is the inner person that matters – that inner person who will treat you right and be there for you. Wishing you a wonderful year ahead, Christy. Hugs across the miles ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Honestly, I haven’t heard of “yellow fever” in the context you’ve mentioned. The very coinage sounds awful to me. It’s really painful when someone has to go through it. In our country, such things also exist. Being a multi-lingual and multi-racial country, there are people with different cultures, race and physical appearances. They do call each other by names which are distasteful. Unfortunately, some people are like that; in every country, all over the world.

    Mutual respect and love should be the keywords in any relationship. Otherwise, it won’t last for a long time.

    A well-researched and uniquely written article, Mabel, as always… 🙂

    Like

  6. You know I care about this subject.
    Jesus, every situation is a different situation. There are no “rules”. There are no generalities.

    The topic, and commenting about it is the absolute best example of “The Kobayashi Maru” concept that I can think of.

    I tried to make a humorous post about it a couple of weeks ago.

    https://dennysinnoh.wordpress.com/2018/12/22/maple-forest-seeks-rice-paddy/

    I’m not feeling very joke-y today though. I’m being harassed on WP — Ironically by an Asian fascist who hates WMAF relationships. Customer service is not doing anything so far.

    Like

    • ‘every situation is a different situation’ This is so true, just like how every person has their preferences, wants and needs. There really is no reason why we should judge each relationship.

      Sorry to hear about being harrassed on WP. Hopefully that will stop soon.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Another fascinating post, Mabel. I have seen many ‘mixed race’ couples here in Florida, some amongst my friends whose sons are happily married to Asian women and I never thought anything of it until I read your article. My dad was from Indonesia and my mom was English, so I guess I’m a product of a mixed race union. Wishing you a very happy and successful year. Keep writing. xx

    Like

    • I don’t know how I missed this comment of yours, Sylvia 😞 My apologies for the delayed response. So lovely to hear you have friends who are in inter-cultural relationships and seems like they are in very happy relationships. Good on them. You have such an interesting background. Tank you so much for stopping by, and you have a good year too 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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  9. It is very well written and to the point. I get many strange experienced when I travel to Asian countries with westerner, as they think I was with a “white man” for money. Little did they know, I work hard and have my own money. I guess.. culture is a hard subject to discuss. I too… too open mind, speak up what I want and my parents and relatives think I am not good as they own culture is different with me. ha..ha..

    Like

    • Thanks, Freja. Sometimes people will assume you are with something for one thing in return. You are so right. Culture is a hard subject to discuss, and it’s a sensitive subject. Combined discussing relationships, that makes for one complex topic. Sounds like you know who you are, and good on you.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I am taking my street shoes off at home, so does my American son-in-law, as my daughter wouldn’t tolerate otherwise 🙂 . Two in my family speak Chinese 🙂 But! I think that dating someone just because they are of certain race is not fair. First of all, people have to have attraction, love. One cannot just plan love, right 🙂

    Like

    • Sometimes you just have to take off your shoes at home as it feels right 😀 Getting together with someone in the long term and making them work comes down to a number of factors, not just attraction – and you are right, one cannot plan love 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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  12. Awesome post. I love your quote ‘Today women of Asian background around the world are independent, accomplished and articulate self-worth’. That gives me a tingle. I guess feeling our own self worth is a good compass around these issues.

    Like

    • Thanks, Lita. Women of Asian background have come a long way. We can be good in the kitchen or outside doing what we want to do. Or not. Our lives are our lives to live, and our self-worth is how we each define it to be.

      Like

  13. What an interesting piece of writing. I didn’t know of this phenomenon but then I don’t really know any Asian people in real life (through blogging, yes of course, many amazing bloggers!) so I guess it’s no wonder it never came up. Over here in northern Europe (tiny little Finland) diversity is coming along slowly but steadily… When I was younger and single and lived abroad, I dated men from many different nationalities but I never really thought of their race/ethnicity…

    Like

  14. Hi Mabel!
    Thank you for sharing about your ideas to interracial couples, especially between Asians and a white partner. As an Asian myself, Chinese in particular, I support your idea on how White men sees an Asian women a target to hit on because of their “Yellow fever” stereotype that Asian women won’t talk back, and are obedient with their orders. As I am living in Canada with my Chinese aunt and Italian uncle now, sometimes I feel disappointed seeing my uncle bossing her around the house just to take care of him. To be honest, it hurts to see such picture even though no violent abuse is involved. Seeing her not complaining and just to “serve” her husband who’s constantly lying on the couch really depresses me. It feels some part in my mind that my uncle is taking advantage of her generosity, meanwhile she doesn’t want to complain when she suffers because she wants a happy household for her husband and her mixed daughter. Living in Canada now, I see how western people sometimes view asian immigrants. Asian women seeking for a white husband for easier immigration instead of true love, fake marriages are easily heard. I like how you talk through a multi-cultural take in relationships, and ending it with encouraging interracial couples to have better trust, communication and respect to each other’s cultural background under the strong foundation of “Love”. Also, speaking in your own voice as an Asian!
    I am starting off a blog recently, regarding to raising awareness to Asian racism and cultural struggles when Asian goes into a western culture. (It is just a start but and not well-developed with my writings…) but if you’re interested, here is the link to my blog if you want to read it. And again, I really appreciate this blog post!
    https://btsofbeingasian.wordpress.com

    Like

    • Hi Jamie, thanks so much for dropping by. I am sorry to hear that your uncle bosses your Chinese around your aunt. Hope the two of them find a purpose of their relationship – each relationship is different and give and take. On the other hand, it is so true not all Asian women fit that stereotype and not every Asian-woman-white-man relationship is a stereotypical relationship. I do think in these kinds of relationships trust is harder to earn, or takes longer to come by. For one, you have to ask yourself and your partner honestly are you attracted to each other’s background and stereotypical and non-stereotypical qualities, and accept and believe in those responses. After all, our background, how we are raised and what we believe in are a big part of us.

      Congrats on starting your blog, and it sounds like a very interesting one on speaking out as an Asian person living in the western world. I hope you have fun with it 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  15. “Notably, the representation of Asian women, Asian men and Westerners in the media underpins cultural stereotypes and assumptions about multicultural relationships. In mainstream media and Hollywood, Asian women are often portrayed for the male gaze while Asian men as meek caricatures not worthy of affection or acceptance, undateable and emasculated (with the Asian masculine space erased) – Westerners dominate with their voices. In the eyes of mainstream media, one race is worthier than the other.” < This! Totally agree. But doesn't that happen in reverse in Asian countries when portraying western people? Isn't the stereotype the most expedient thing to use? And BTW what is the westerner stereotype in China?

    Anyhoo I won't say too much as this is an old post and from my experience it's sometimes that little bit more work putting oneself back into the mindset of an old post when new comments come in much later! Amirite? But I found the topic interesting.

    PS I'm with your friend with the shoes! Wanna wear shoes on my property? I'll show you to the garden.

    Like

    • A good observation about media in Asia. In many countries in Asia, Asian men aren’t depicted as weak but rather given the lead roles as the protoganist or the hero of the narrative. In China and Asian countries such as Singapore and Malaysia, I’ve mostly seen Westerners portrayed as the good guy/people, those with good intentions. In some instances, Westerners are worshipped in Asia, take for example those gameshows in Japan where they invite Westernes to participate for fun and entertainment.

      Old post, tick tock, never too late to the party here because it don’t stop 😀

      Haha! I like your idea of showing people the lawn when they come stomping right in with their shoes on. Right back out…

      Like

      • Always interesting Mabel. I rather enjoy seeing into the authentic mindset of cultures we are endlessly fed as stereotypes…actually having written that I realise they do it with all cultures? eg US films portraying the US as heroes of the world etc.
        Anyhoo always interesting. 🙂

        Like

        • Mainstream media seems to like portraying stereotypes. It is a strange thing. That said, there are stories behind stereotypes and behind each stereotype there may be a tradition 🙂

          Like

  16. This is such a good post. I’m Asian and live in Australia and since I’m still in high school, my parents don’t really want me to have a boyfriend until I’m in university. So, I’ve never had one. I’ve come close to a relationship many times but I’ve never actually dived straight into one. Anyway, that’s beside the point. My point is that with dating, I’ve felt a pressure in what race to date. I’m Asian, yes, and my family would prefer if I dated within my race. I’m fine with that. However, I was raised in Australia, English is my first language, heck, I can’t even speak Korean (my heritage). I’ve grown up with predominantly white friends and my family lives like a white family would. We’ve completely assimilated.

    Now, the thing is, my ultimate preference in dating would be a half. A half asian, half white. It’s a mixture of the two races I’m most likely to date and it would accepted. In ‘accepted’ I mean that no one would see me as “oh, the girl dating the white guy” or “holy crap that girl looks like she’s dating her brother!” As bad that may sound, I have heard people say that about Asian couples they’ve seen walk by. I don’t want that. So, a mixture of the two would be most preferable for me. Although I never usually care about what people think, if I’m making a commitment to a relationship, I think that I wouldn’t want to hear crap from people for however long the relationship goes… that’s just my opinion though.

    Like

    • Thanks, Hannah. It’s very honest of you to say that you felt a pressure in what race to date – and I think in general there is societal pressure to date someone of a certain standards and (unforunately) culture and background. It still IS more acceptable to date one’s own race because many of us feel that the two parties will understand each other better. Growing up Asian in Australia we do have a (large) degree of assimilation yet the Asian mindset will probably never leave many of us. That could make dating and relationships difficult because, well, not everyone may get these two sides of us.

      It is interesting to read your dating preference, and you’re completely entitled to that 🙂 It’s hard to make everyone happy, and generally speaking I reckon not everyone will approve of any relationsip – but interracial couples might get more unwanted attention and judgement. Most of the time these people who make judgements don’t know you or your relationship personally…and these judgements would be their problem.

      Like

  17. I am sure that the type of people you describe in your piece exist… It’s a big world.. . There are blackmen who only want to date white women and who dislike and despise whitemen..However, not only are not all BMWW relationships like that.. Even if they were that would be no reason for a specific BM to not date a WM… We should all be judged on our specific selves. I have a preference/bigger attraction to East Asians but I am not exclusively attracted to them.. Nor is it in the least to do with culture… If I find someone attractive of Asian appearance, then provided they have a nice personality it does not matter to me if they were adopted as a baby and raised by whites in the West or come from Central China… I also like (dark) Mediterraneans so I guess skin colour and hair colour is a major part… I seldom find myself attracted to blonde Nordics but some are attractive to me… Just rarely.. Personality is of course the most important thing and I would rather be with an average looking non Asian than a stunning looking but nasty unkind East Asian…

    Like

    • Yeah, there are white guys who want to date Asian girls and Asian girls wanting to date white guys, and also my post touched on people wanting to be in a relationship with the same/or a certain ethnicity and background. As you said, it’s a big world, and a big world with many kinds of people with different preferences, different criteria on what’s attractive and not and different expectations. Personality is very important when it comes to hanging out and getting together with someone – not just get along right now but get along in the future and long term.

      Like

  18. Relationships work when there is mutual respect and love, and any differences in culture are celebrated not vilified. Unfortunately there are many shallow humans out there who fetishise or look for the wrong things in a partner; those relationships will never be satisfying for both participants no matter what.

    Like

    • So true, BB. Relationships work when we respect each other’s differences and accept each other for who we are. Looking for long-term traits and qualities in a partner, the more fulfilling a relationship can be.

      Like

  19. Hi Mabel. You’ve hit the nail on the head on this topic – I could not have said it better myself. If you think yellow fever is bad in Australia, it’s a lot worse in Europe and Turkey.

    I met an European guy whilst I was on tour at the Baltics. Thinking back, I should’ve picked up on all tell-tale signs of yellow fever – he kept talking about China, shared his-all-infinite-wisdom about China (he knows very little, in fact) and Chinese people in general and why I didn’t dye my hair like most other chinese girls. When we were friends, I told him from the very beginning that I was born in Malaysia, came to Australia when I was in my teens, have been here ever since and the only two things I have in common with Chinese people from China are that we share the same ethnicity and heritage. It was only later I found out that he had a previous long-term relationship with a mainlander and I was being stereotyped as a “Chinese from China”. Stereotyping within the Asian sub-groups exist too, you see. And it left a really sour taste in my mouth. Nevertheless to say, the relationship didn’t work out because I wasn’t “chinese enough”.

    Like

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