Hugging. Some of us like to be hugged, and some of us don’t.
I don’t mind being hugged. Don’t mind giving hugs either. Crushing bear hugs. Soft two-second hugs. Group hugs. One arm hugs. Whether we hug someone or not depends on how we feel about them. And how they feel about us.
Post-proposal. Marriage, hugs, and kisses are containers of happiness, warmth and trust | Weekly Photo Challenge: Containers.
We hug someone we barely know when we like them and feel like we can be friends or more. If we have a nice conversation going and maybe share a laugh hanging out with someone we don’t know well, we might hug them when saying hello or goodbye.
About a year ago I met a blogger friend from the States for the first time. He didn’t mind that I was late to our lunch because I got lost, and we talked non-stop while eating. We parted with a hug. No dramas. Hugging, a show of friendship.
It usually feels okay to hug someone we aren’t best friends with if we have something in common like school or work, and if we don’t hate each other’s guts. Hugging is a show of appreciation.
We might hug someone we know or don’t know when we share moments and emotions together – we probably don’t know what else to do. We hug to celebrate, hug our teammates when we win and strangers when our county scores goals at the World Cup. We hug to make someone feel better when they’re feeling down.
There’s not forgetting hugging those close to us when we see or leave them. Hugging, a show of love. But then again, not all the ones we love are big on hugs. And you can never be sure if that person we just met is okay with hugging.
For some of us, hugging is a special moment. We don’t hug every day and reserve our hugs for special someones. So when someone who we’re not best buds with hugs us, we might resist.
Some of us don’t hug too often because of cultural and religious reasons. In Asian cultures, getting touchy-feely with each other is frowned upon. In countries like Malaysia where thieves are around every corner, we’re wary of people touching us the slightest bit. Arms around us – too close for comfort.
Catching germs and getting dirty is another reason why some Asians aren’t keen on hugging. Being clean is something many of us pride ourselves upon, explaining why we like taking our shoes off at home. More than once I’ve heard my mum say, “Those gweilos hugging. So sweaty.”
Maybe some Asians shy away from hugging because of our nature to be shy. Because we’re respectful of personal space and physical distance.
Growing up, hugging was alien to me. Never saw my Chinese-Malaysian parents hugging each other when I was little. Out of spite my Caucasian classmates pushed me to the ground in the playground. My Asian classmates hid away studying. No one whom I could hug, and no one hugged me.
This changed when I moved back to Melbourne for university. On campus, many of my Asian and non-Asian friends were fond of greeting me with their arms around me. It felt odd. After a while, I decided to go along with this and realised hugging is nice.
When we hug, we love. We learn to give. And above all, we learn to trust.
Do you hug a lot? When do you hug?
Mabel Kwong 
I rarely hug because of my Thai culture as you’ve mentioned in your post. It’s the culture thing. When I went to study English language in Australia and I met people there who would like to hug me for greeting, I felt strange and my body turned to be stone. I didn’t know how to return their hug. It was kind of awkward moment for me.
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Interesting to hear you don’t hug too much, Cotton. Today, I won’t go out of my way to hug most of my friends and I rarely make the first move. I do hug, but it’s not every day, or even every week. More like sometimes.
Hahaha, your “body turned to stone”. Sometimes my body feels that way when someone I don’t really know hugs me. Sorry to hear that hugging Australians was awkward for you. I’m sure they meant to wish you well, and I don’t think they were offended at all as Australians are very easy-going, anything goes kind of people 🙂
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I didn’t feel bad towards their hugs. It was just the fact that I haven’t get used to hugging that much in my country. 🙂
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You touched upon something interesting there. Feeling odd towards hugs and feeling bad/resistant towards hugs are two different things. Either way, these kinds of huggers probably give/receive hugs stiffly. At least there’s attempt to respect the other person’s hugging personality 🙂
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There are different benefits of hugging. A natural stress reliever, it can boost oxytocin levels instantly. Hugs relaxes muscles and boosts self-esteem. “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.” ~ Virgina Satir
XX ⇦ Sending cyber hugs to you, Mabel! -Kai 🙂
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You are so right, Kai. Stress is a good thing for us, physically and emotionally. Apart from relieving stress and making us happier and more confident, hugs spread love and is a reason why others smile 🙂 Love that quote by Virgina Satir. Thanks for sharing, I will remember that one.
XXX right back to you!
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I hug a lot! I have over the years learned to ask permission before hugging someone I don’t know well as I appreciate there are those who prefer not to hug for any reasons.
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Asking permission to hug can be a bit awkward sometimes. “Can I hug you?” or “Can I give you a hug?” sounds a bit intrusive, like you’re introducing into someone’s personal space which is their arms. Maybe the best way to go about it is say, “Hug?”. Or just stand there with both arms slightly raised and if you get a rejection, just smile and shrug it off.
Since you’re a hugger, I’m sending hugs to you from south of the world XXX 🙂
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Mabel I think the approach has to fit one’s personality. All of your suggestions sound like good ones. I appreciate the hugs and definitely sending some right back to you!
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Any suggestion is always a good one, Sue 🙂 At the end of the day, there is really no harm in checking first if someone hugs or not. More hugs right back to you!
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We LOVE hugging but we don’t hug everyone (of course) 🙂 Depending on the hug you give/receive, it can say a lot about the friendship/relationship!
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You are so right. If we hug our best friends often, it sure means that we care a lot about them. If someone hugs you quickly, maybe they are just hugging you to be polite. Not surprised you monkeys like hugging. After all, monkeys are very huggable creatures. Well, at least all my stuffed monkeys are!
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Heheheh 🙂
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Evil monkey laughter. Laughing softly when hugging me. I’m not surprised, heh heh 😀
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Hey Mabel! We saw this article and thought of your post straight away so just had to share! We need to be friends on FB so this is easier to share 😉 http://themindunleashed.org/2014/01/9-reasons-need-giving-receiving-hugs-everyday.html
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Thanks for sharing this hugging article, Monkeys! And thinking of me too 🙂 Great discussion on hugging from a scientific angle. I LOVE how they article says that hugs are “fully returnable” 😀
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Unlike the average Chinese family, I grew up in a pretty huggy home, so it was something that I really grew to love and appreciate. Though I might not always initiate them myself, I always enjoy receiving them. When I go more than a few days without one, I start to crave them. Hugs are like sugar to the soul – sweet and comforting!
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A “huggy home”. That must have been one loved up and cosy home, Chris. Very lucky of you. I’m sure you do initiate hugs quite a bit…it’s always better to give than receive and we all know it 😉 Sounds like you are a bit obsessed with hugs, maybe you have a hug addiction. Sometimes when someone gives me a really good crushing hug, I always crave for more of those for a few days.
“Hugs are like sugar to the soul.” You said it best.
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This is where my family truly is a hybrid of cultures. I would say physical affection started two generations ago with my paternal grandmother. My mom’s parents weren’t very physically affectionate, so we definitely didn’t get it from her side of the family! I would hope that you glean the positive aspects of your parents (and unfortunately, sometimes the negatives ones, too). Thankfully, physical affection was one of them for us.
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Your family sounds very interesting for a Chinese family. Seems to run some way in your family, and doesn’t look like it’s dying out soon 🙂 Physical affection is something some will get and some won’t, but there really is no harm in trying to show affection through hugging. These days, it seems hugging is a universal language for love.
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Great topic!! I hug a lot…too much sometimes! In Brazil we love hugging, its an important gesture in our culture. But here in Germany is different… people only hug if they already know and trust each other! I have a German friend that took months until she gave me the first hug… of course I find it weird, but Ive been around the world a lot and I learned to respect these kind of cultural differences. When I lived in Canada it was different… they also hugged a lot hahaha well, I hug my dog and my husband all the time 😀
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Thanks for confirming people in Brazil like to hug. I’ve always heard they like to hug but I wasn’t sure. I always thought Germans were big on hugging whether they knew each other or not. Now I know to be way more careful! And we do have to be careful because some people may be embarrassed by hugging…too much skin on skin 😀
Glad that you can hug the ones close to you and they don’t mind it. Spreading the love around all the time. It must be a good feeling. So happy to see you happy. Happy hugging X
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hahaha you’re welcome! Yes its true, with all my traveling I learned to be careful when hugging… some moments I dont know if I should hug or not and it becomes a bit awkward hahaha
Yes It makes me really happy to hug them, unfortunately I cant hug my family in Brazil, but whenever I visit I compensate the distance factor 😀 happy huhhing to you too!!
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Oh yes. When you travel and move around, you meet so many new people from different backgrounds. It can be hard to tell if they are keen on hugging or not. Some are, some aren’t. Sometimes if you’re desperate for a hug, you’ll just go for it, I suppose 😀
I hope you hug your family hard when you get the chance to see them. Send them lots of love from me too 😀 *hugs hugs hugs*
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Yes true!!!
And yesss, I hug them all the time when I see them again 😀 I miss right now!
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I’m pro-hugging. In America, at least in my scene, female friends tend to hug to say hello and goodbye. Male friends need to be closer friends to, but hugging is just fine. In my family as well, for all our problems I always hug my mom and dad and brother and sister when I haven’t seen them for a long time.
I noticed traditional Asian culture is less touchy-feely, but depends on how westernized someone is. Basically my more international Chinese friends are pretty much the same, girls hug a lot and close guy friends sometimes. I think it’s swell.
Hugs! 🙂
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A lot of my Asian friends have no issue with hugging and we hug when we see each other. Then again, most of them have lived in Australia all their lives so you’re right, whether Asians hug depend on how westernised they are. Or depends on the environment they were brought up in, or the personality. Sometimes I’m fascinated by people who hug their family every single day and wonder if they are hugging for the sake of putting on a show of affection. Maybe to them, hugging has become just another routine.
“…it’s swell”. A good phrase I haven’t heard in a while. Hugs right back to you X (that’s a hug, “O” looks like an empty hug to me) 🙂
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I often hug my friends and family, but not strangers,of course. My husbands family aren’t natural huggers, but over the years I’ve managed to get them used to being hugged by me. 🙂
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I think we would all think twice about hugging strangers. Then again, you see a lot of people holding up “Free hugs” signs and they are okay with strangers hugging them. I guess it depends from person to person whether you’d be willing to hug someone you don’t know.
Good on you for spreading hugs and spreading the love. You’ve managed to soften them and get them to show some emotion, which is a beautiful thing 🙂
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🙂
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*hugs*
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I always used to be hug, handshaking and respons anybody’s asking, but i’m not the type of person who starting it first, hehehe
well, hugging sometines a gender issue too, some people thinking hugging could somekind of gay moment thou….
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Ah, so you’re a bit shy about hugging, Dedy 😉 But at least you show people some love by hugging them back when they hug you. A very good point about hugging being a gender issue. Boy hugging boy and girl hugging girl could give others certain thoughts, which may or may not be true. It can be confusing.
Your comment got eaten up by my hungry spam folder. It must like your cooking a lot!
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I’m not saying that, but hugging seems done a lot by yall girls and no one saying nothing about it, but when we talking about boys, it’s kinda to efiminate for us boys doing it too often
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That is a very interesting point. You’re right. No one seems to make a big deal about girls hugging, but when guys hug people sort of point and make some fuss over it. Maybe it’s because hugging is thought of as a “soft” gesture, a bit weak. It’s a stereotypical thought, but I’m not surprised if some of us thing that way. Maybe it puts off some guys hugging.
p/s. The name Dedy sounds very nice. You’re the first Dedy I know 🙂
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Yupp, hugging certainly dismantle some sort of masculinity, hahaha
especially when guys walking with holding hand to each other #totallyfagallert, hahaha
but girls just find and no one would said their lesbian
ps: your just many list of kwong that i known, it’s is some kind of family name???
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Yeah, some people don’t view hugging as masculine at all. Guys holding hands, especially in Asia? You don’t really see it that much at all. Even in Australia where people are very open-minded, not so too actually. I’ve seen guys hugging here, but not so much as girls. I think some of the guys who do hug here are Sensitive New Age Guys (SNAG).
Kwong is a very common family name for many Chinese, especially for people who come from Hong Kong. But my family is from Malaysia, not Hong Kong.
When Australians here my family name, they always ask, “Are you related to the famous chef, Kylie Kwong?” 😀
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simply replied “yes, of course, from Adam and Eve blood lines!!!” hahaha
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Hehehe. Sounds like we’re all related and we should have no problem hugging!
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I don’t think so!!!
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I love to hug. In fact, I once went around London with a group of friends offering hugs for £1 each. We raised over £250 in four hours and donated all the money to charity. It was great fun and a very worth while cause. The following week, I saw another group of people doing exactly the same thing (all for charity) and was so pleased that the idea had caught on.
Hugs from the UK, Mabel 🙂
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Hugs for a charitable cause. That was very generous of you, Hugh. I’m sure there were some people who looked at you and your friends like you were crazy, but I bet those who donated and were sporting enough for a hug made up for it. After all, in the western world hugs are commonplace and a lot of people here know if you hug someone, you mean well. You must’ve felt happy to see others spreading the love through hugs, too. Well done. Just goes to show there are kinds and selfless people out there making a difference.
Hugs right back to you from Down Under, Hugh 🙂
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Great idea for a post Mabel and it was interesting to read about the culture side of it. I find that hugs are very important but as a child I hated being touched, even to hold my mum’s hand as I crossed the road! I didn’t start hugging or kissing my own parents until I was in my late teens and now it’s like a transformation because I feel like I need the oxytocin of being hugged every day now which I feel very tough being at uni away from friends and family. It’s amazing how much a hug can give you 🙂
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Hahaha! As a kid I too detested it when my parents held my hand in the shopping centre so I would not run away. Sounds like you were embarrassed by this. I guess as kids, we always want to be independent. So maybe that’s why some kids – like we were – don’t like being hugged as that usually connotes softness and passiveness especially if we are on the receiving end of hugs.
Hope some of your friends at uni hug you from time to time to make you feel awesome. You’re right. Hugging makes us happy, even if it’s a teensy bit. I guess when we hug, we feel wanted and like someone is there to hold is, there for us 🙂
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Hugging was very normal for me when I still lived in Germany but this changed after I moved to Finland. Few years back I was at an alumni in Germany and it was rather confusing for me that people hugged me as I was not used to it anymore and it took a while until I actually was able to adapt to the situation and hug back.
In China my in-laws hug me everytime we leave China (though I am not too sure about my father-in-law right now) and few other closer family friends as well.
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That’s a bit strange to hear you’re a bit of a hugger in Germany. Packing My Suitecase mentioned Germans aren’t big on hugs in her comment. I suppose it depends from person to person on whether they like to hug or not. You must have felt as if your private space was intruded as people hugged you. Glad you hugged back. It’s always an awkward situation when someone wraps their arms around you and you stand there like a statue.
Interesting to hear your Chinese in-laws hug you. I suppose they hug warmly and affectionately, and that they mean it. Some Asians who’ve hugged me are very stiff in their hugging, like they are not used to it.
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I guess it is also changing more and more in China regarding hugging. At least what I heard (not too much though) from friends growing up in China that they never saw anybody hug, yet these days when they visit relatives or even friends they receive a warm hug. Perhaps it is just my friends who experienced it, so it cant be seen as a pciture for the whole population however I believe it is a good sign 🙂
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I’ve noticed quite a few of my Chinese friends from China aren’t shy about hugging too, though most of them really don’t. Everyone is different, depending on their personality and where they’re brought up do influence whether they are comfortable with hugging or not.
I do think it’s a good sign, too, that some Chinese are hugging. Sometimes hugs and actions say so much more than words 🙂
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Hugging is pretty normal here in our country. Filipinos are affectionate and friendly people so it is nothing new to us. Hugs back to you 🙂
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That is very heartwarming to hear. I can just imagine a big Filipino family all coming together and giving each other bear hugs. All amidst singing and music 😀
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For me it’s sometimes strange. Normally I hug all female friends for hello and good bye and only few males. Think this is normal. But very often it depends the situation I feel that the same person don’t want to be hugged if we meet in a big group like a club where other friends are around, but if we meet alone it’s just usual. For me this is sometimes quite confusing and I stay there with a unfinished hug. 😦
I think if you hug someone you hug it all the time not only when you had a nice meal together.
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Very good points you brought up there, Erwin. Now that you mention it, I tend to hug females more, and this includes female friends whom I know well and not so well. I don’ t hesitate to hug my close male friends, but usually find it hard to hug a guy whom I don’t know too well. Most of the time we handshake, and it comes across as rigidly polite to me.
Maybe some of us are afraid of hugging when our friends are around as it may send of the sign that we have romantic feelings for the person we’re hugging, and we don’t want that. An unfinished hug. That sounds awkward and not nice at all 😦
Totally agree with you on your last sentence. There are plenty of other times you can hug…and most likely will hug. A nice and fancy meal should not be an excuse or reason to hug. If you want to hug, mean it and do it with feeling.
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That’s the point, a hug should be a gesture of sympathy and this you have or you don’t have, It’s interesting that women hug women more easy and naturally then men. The men hug is still not very popular. I can understand that it’s more difficult for a girl hugging a guy whom you don’t know well. In parties it happens often that you handshake for the hello and hug for good bye if you had a good conversation and could connect. If it’s invers, it’s probably not so good but it can happen too. 🙂
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Some people perceive hugging as soft and passive, especially if you are on the receiving end of hugs. So maybe that’s why some men shy away from hugs as they may think it’s not a manly thing to do. If that’s the case, then I think it’s shallow of them to think of hugging that way; hugging is so much more.
If someone randomly chatted to me at a party and hugged me, I think I would see their hug as a polite gesture. Some people just like to hug and there’s no reason why we should stop them 🙂
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True, I would definitive hug you before I go to bed. 🙂 You are right in a hug can be so much more. Sometimes there is a huge energy who flows during a hug and sometimes it’s just cold. By the way with a handshake you can feel often the same. There are handshakes and handshakes and they are often uncontrolled and say a lot about a connection.
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Hot hugs and cold hugs. It depends on how hot or cold a person’s arms are 🙂 And as you mentioned, the energy and emotion flowing through it. A hug’s definitely more than just physical. Definitely the same goes with a handshake. Though it might give someone an instant shock when you have a very cold hand. But that can always bring out a laugh or two from the other person 🙂
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Yes Mabel I agree with you. And then there are hugs and hugs. Sometimes you can feel really a lot of energy flowing when you hug somebody and sometimes it’s just cold. There is the same with a handshake which can tell you so much about a person in the very few seconds you say hello or good bye. A gesture which often can’t be controlled. For me it’s now time too to give you a good nite hug. Have a nice weekend Mabel. 🙂
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Hugs and handshakes are quite similar in that they both show you appreciate the other person in front of you. However, handshakes have their differences too, and I’ve always wanted to write about that. Maybe someday I will when the time is right.
My hungry spam folder ate up your comments. Had to make it throw up, metaphorically speaking. I hope you have nice weekend, Erwin. Hugs to you, stay safe and talk soon 🙂
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Such a lovely shot and description of the image that you provide! I always thought hugging was mostly a North American thing, in Eastern Europe the younger generations hug, but the older generation prefers a handshake, even with family members.
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You’re right. Our elders seem to prefer handshakes over hugs. Maybe they are conservative that way, or maybe they are used to it. Maybe today’s generation are very used to hugs, and so we are seeing it more and more everywhere on TV and in the streets.
Thanks for the compliment on my photo. I wasn’t too happy with how it turned out, didn’t like the blurry part. But thank you for the encouraging words. Photography is something I’m always trying to improve on 🙂
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I am a “hugger”
I didn’t grow up in a family that hugged a lot. But for some reason I have always craved hugs.
I think they feed our souls with love and human connection.
I work with people that have developmental disabilities. Often times they don’t have family connections. Though I believe professional boundaries are important I think it’s more important that people feel loved!!
Hugs to you Mabel!!
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You’re a hugger, Tree. That sounds about right, you seem like a hugger. I’m sure you hug your dog a lot…and maybe trees too 😉 There’s probably a part in each of us that want to give and be loved in return, and I reckon deep, deep down we all crave hugs.
It’s always important to show and tell people that they are loved, wanted and valued. Sometimes a hug can say and show them these. Professional boundaries are important but people are people at the end of the day. Sounds like you know where to toe the line.
Hugs right back to you, Tree! Always nice chatting.
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Me and a group of friends took a picture of them hugging me….we labelled them Tree Huggers!!! 🙂
I do hug my dogs…and any person that will let me 🙂
Have a great day! It is always nice chatting with you!
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That must be one happy photo, a bunch of friends with the same interests hugging you. Sometimes I think of group hugs as sandwich hugs, especially if there’s someone trapped right in the middle of a hug. Tree Huggers. A great name for all of you 🙂
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🙂
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Oh I’m a natural hugger, of course not with strangers 🙂 i believe in the power of human touch. it has intense positive effects on the human body and mind. for me hugging conveys joy, warmth, assurance and affection. sometimes words are not necessary when consoling someone. hugging soothes. it comforts. it heals. it gives love. a hug or even holding hands go a long way especially for the wounded heart. hugs to you Mabel! 🙂
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“…the power of human touch”. That phrase alone seems to carry so much strength within it. You are so right. Actions speak louder than words. As you’ve touched upon, a single hug can say so much more than “I love you”. I’ll add that a hug can calm us down. Tells us that we’re wanted. Tells us that we’re not alone.
It’s interesting that we genuinely tend to perceive huggers as nice people. Every now and then you’ll see people – strangers – giving out free hugs on the streets and we usually don’t see that as creepy. Though with that said, I’ve never hugged one of them. Like you, I’m wary of hugging strangers.
Hugs to you, Lola. Thanks for spreading the love 🙂
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I do when I sense the person is a warm person, if I sense the person is interval person, I don’t initiate 🙂 At work, we almost have to be careful about “physical touch” between female and male…
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Like you, I don’t mind hugging someone who comes across as a warm person. Usually if they are smiling and don’t use rude words, then I’m more than happy to hug them after we’ve had a few conversations together. Yes, we have to be careful about hugging at work, especially in the corporate environment – hugging’s always seen as informal, too casual behaviour. Even at office lunches, parties and functions.
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I hug sometime. I’m pretty comfortable with hugs but wouldn’t say I’m overly affectionate. I love how you’ve analysed hugging complete with cultural influences. Your view on the world is always so interesting to read 🙂
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Me too, definitely not overly affectionate. For instance, I don’t run my hands down and all over the person who I’m hugging, even if we’re best friends. Some people don’t have a problem with this, and it intrigues me. Maybe they like affection. I wouldn’t hug a person for too long either if we’re just friends.
Thanks for the nice words, Holly. Hope your practicuum is going well 🙂
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Hugging depends on a lot of things, personality, culture, social context. I don’t initiate hugs except for close family, but I’ll hug back if initiated by a friend.
The “Free Hug” campaign was not something I understood.
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So true. Hugging depends on our surroundings, where we are, and who we are. Sounds like you are decent person when it comes to hugging – hugging to be polite and not the kind to crush a person with a hug.
I always thought some of those Free Hugs campaigned aimed to raise money for charity. For those that didn’t, I guess the participants wanted to spread the love and show us that there are kind people in this world…through hugs. Somehow I’m not convinced.
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Being born in the Midwest of the United States I am a huge hugger!!! and so are my kids 🙂 but I respect those that don’t or have never been a hugger, I compare my friends to the winnie the pooh characters – there are some like piglet just shy and unsure, there are those like rabbit who give hugs only when given one, some of my friends are like eeyore and do it slow and kinda sad, then i have those that hug like pooh – always there and dependable, I am like tigger, full of energy and love to give them to make others happy 🙂 (((HUGS)))
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LOVE how you used the Winnie the Pooh analogy and comparing it with hugging. Well said. Eeyore hugs…”slow and kinda sad”. I don’t think I’ve ever come across a hugger like that. Maybe Eeyore and these people don’t get enough hugs and love.
Sounds like you won’t hesitate to make people happy with hugs. Sharing and caring, good on you. I think I’m like Pooh, loyal and hugging others when they want it 🙂
Thanks for stopping by, reading and commenting, Julie. Much appreciated.
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At some point during my young adult years I realized that my Thai mom was not a hugger and that my family was close, but not physically affectionate. I decided to start hugging my mom and now it’s natural and my mom even requests it!
I like hugging and (appropriate) physical touch with friends and friends in the making. One of my 12 year old students here in Thailand has started to hug me. She, in fact, did it today. I want to say it is learned, but I also feel like some folks are more comfortable expressing themselves physically, and I’m one of them.
My Thai cousin also felt hugging was extremely unnatural when I first did it, but now she’s used to it. Can I be proud of hugging? 😛
Great post Mabel. Thought provoking!
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You are so right when you say that hugging can be learnt. And you have the perfect story to illustrate that. Sometimes if we’re not a hugger, we might be curious what it feels like to hug, and so go around hugging people. I think a lot of us non-huggers learn hugging from our peers who hug. Having changed school so many times, there never failed to be someone in my class who was a very enthusiastic hugger.
Hugging is a sign of affection, a sign of love. Nice to hear you’re spreading the love around 😛
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I love hugging, especially when it’s a sincere hug from a person I cherish and love. Hugging isn’t very odd in Europe and I get hugs daily from classmates in school to my family. I suppose our culture is not as reserved and private as Asian, however, the differences are what makes us unique. I love Asia and learning more about its culture; Japan is my favourite country though, I love learning more about mythology, beautiful traditional clothing such as kimonos, every day life and art of course.
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That’s so true. Not all cultures and people are big on hugging. Though most of the time I reckon they don’t view hugging as something negative – it’s just not in their nature to hug often.
A sincere hug is always nice to receive. Usually these hugs linger for a few seconds. Not-so-sincere hugs? Those are more fleeting. Thanks for stopping by, Byron. Nice to hear that you’re always up for learning about different cultures – it’s never a dull moment.
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Ok, I’m complicated on this one. My Asian side doesn’t want to hug people too many people, so basically I only hug Mr, H., my piano teacher and friends and family that live far away when I see them. My European and Aussie sides likes hugging those people that I don’t mind hugging. Do I sound clear or just weird? You made me giggle on the catching germs part. We can also catch germs with handshaking, or the two cheek kissing thing (airborne germs), so in that sense we should just wave to each other from far away 😉
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Ah, sounds like you have a complex personality. To hug or not to hug? But it also sounds like do hug a lot…maybe more than you realise. To be honest, maybe we should really just wave when we see each other. Raise an arm, wave your hand…you know, that sounds odd. I don’t think many of us wave to one another apart from trying to get each other’s attention 😉
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Like waving at a waiter trying to grab his attention haha. My goodness in Spain people can be jumping up and down waving at them, and the still pretend to not see you!
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Hahaha! Maybe that’s why waving is going out of fashion. So maybe to get the attention of the people in Spain, you need to go up to them and hug them 😀
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maybe! haha 🙂
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It depends how westernized a person may be. No, I never saw my parents hug nor kiss. I “learned” to hug naturally when I met my partner. He is from a German background. And Germans aren’t like Latinos, but they can be warm and dignified.
I only like to hug people who I know. I couldn’t do it with a stranger.
I hugged my sisters more often..especially when I moved away and lived in a different province..thousands of km. away.
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It seems that many Asians seem to learn hugging, from their friends, peers and partners. Not that it’s a bad thing. No, it isn’t a bad thing at all. I think by learning how to hug, we become more confident about expressing affection physically – and learn a bit more about other cultures too.
I too find it hard to hug strangers. It feels weird hugging a stranger…I always wonder if they just want to release some sort of physical-emotional energy…
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I like the Tree-hugger comment, and it made me think too about other things (as you mentioned stuffed animals) and beings (I thought about our pets) that we hug. And how, in the fall when there’s the first cool weather, it seems so good because it’s finally “good hugging weather”.
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Haha, Tree-hugger comment 😀 You’re right. We hug so many things, not just people but pets too. We never really know what we’ll get with each hug – a tight one, a hard one, a soft one, a quick one, and that’s what makes hugging memorable and meaningful. And I think this is why a lot of us remember hugs. Thanks for stopping by, Sandy. Hope your house is keeping you company 🙂
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There is nothing quite like a hug. For me, when it is with someone that is a relatively new friend or acquaintance it seems when the first hug occurs (could be days/weeks/months/years), it is a special moment because it seems to be true acceptance and trust. With old friends, it is special. With family, it is essential. A beautiful thing I enjoy more as I grow older. However, I do feel a little awkward hugging strangers (someone I just met)…
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“Nothing quite like a hug.” Agreed. We can never tell what kind of hug we’ll get – a quick one, a soft one, a hard one, a clammy one, a stiff one, the list goes on. Love how you say hugs are special moments. When we hug a relatively new acquaintance, that hug is probably a sign of a good friendship to come – anticipation, hope and yes, trust, all in that moment. When we hug long-time friends, we’re sort of saying we’ll support each other thick and thin. Likewise with the ones we love.
I think some people are just natural huggers and very generous about spreading love around.
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Mabel, your parent are definitely like my parents–the not so showy type when it comes to affections. You know what I’m sayin’. So I also grew up denying the idea of hugging.
Reading this post really changed my perspective. It gave me a whole new realm of showing affection by hugging. I should do that to my friends when the chance presents itself. I mean that, really.
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Not the “showy type”. I like that phrase 😀 Yes, I know what you’re sayin’. Our parents are very conservative when it comes to displaying their affections for one another. Maybe they do that so that us kids won’t get the wrong impression of someone having their arms touching all around us.
Thanks for the nice words, Sony. Your comments always make me smile and stop and re-think what I’ve written. You’re a true wordsmith. So sorry I didn’t see this comment earlier. Turns out my hungry Pending folder ate it up.
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parents
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Kids.
I like how you say it all in one word, Sony. Very powerful 😀 Sometimes, (Asian) parents are the ones who don’t like hugging or like hugging. And we learn from them as we grow up.
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I think males in general are less likely to give a hug to others, especially hugging another male. But I feel that it’s more due to the western “no homo” mindset, and guys give more a handshake. Growing up, I wasn’t much of a hugger, but now I’m more open to giving hugs and receiving hugs. I hug my family and relatives a lot, but with friends, I’ll probably hug them if it’s to say goodbye or something, and not a casual greeting.
Hugs are very warm and welcoming, and I believe it’s an indication of trust and sincerity, that you’re willing to allow someone else into your personal space.
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Thanks for sharing, Just Another person. It’s funny how the two of us are very open to hugging today. I guess hugging can be learnt, and we can get used to it over time and experience emotional warmth from it. You’re right, some guys might not hug because of a “no homo” often mentality floating around – some might see two guys hugging as “soft” and “less masculine” men, which both males might not like very much.
I think we all have our limits on who we hug, and when. I personally don’t hug when I have met someone and we don’t exchange too many words. Most of us seem to hug those new acquaintances whom we like spending time with and get along well with – and would like to get to know them better as people. I guess when with every hug we give, we’re giving someone a ticket to a bit of our personal space and life.
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I guess before I hug someone, I kinda gauge if they seem like the person who would like to hug before giving the hug. Otherwise, it might get awkward if they didn’t want to be hugged.
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Haha, I hope you guess right most of the time whether someone is a hugger or not. If you find yourself in an awkward hug or your hug is not well received, a simple “Bye” and a quick walkaway right after will be your quickest escape.
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Hugs are great 🙂 What I don’t like is getting kissed by someone I don’t know. This sometimes happens at the end of a golf game – some men assume it’s acceptable to kiss the female players in the group even if they don’t know them, and I really don’t like this 😦
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Yes, hugs are great if the other person’s hands are kept in appropriate places 🙂 Getting casual kisses on the cheek from people we barely know – I’m not much of a fan of that either. It feels like the other person is getting too close for comfort. But it depends on one’s culture though. In Spain, kissing is a way of greeting someone when you meet them.
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Norwegians also take their shoes off at home. Nobody goes in the house with shoes, or in someone else’s house. Families and friends hug, colleagues might hug each other (it depends/varies from workplace to workplace and colleague to colleague).
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Interesting to hear that Norwegians don’t wear shoes indoors. Must be a cultural thing. Hugging is one of those things were it depends on person to person, and context to context. Not everyone who likes hugs likes to be hugged everyday too.
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Somehow I missed this post. Anyway..
It’s cultural..I know a lot of Chinese-Canadian families don’t hug much or hardly at all. I “learned” to hug all over again when nieces and nephews were babies…and later when I met my partner who is German-Canadian. So it is through him, hugging has become more natural for close friends.
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Hugging can certainly can be learnt, and like learning anything new, it takes getting used to. When learning how to hug, you have to take note of where to put your arms, how hard to squeeze the person you’re hugging, how long to hug someone..no wonder some people are uncomfortable hugging.
Yes, hugging is cultural. Many Asian families are conservative – touching one another is frowned upon.
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Nice blog.
For me I’m all for giving hugs and I guess I can understand those who don’t like them and save them for certain people only. I tend to hug more girls than guys (hopefully that didn’t sound weird lol).
May I give you a hug? :p
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As you mentioned, hugs to some people might be special moments, reserved for special occasions and special people. I think who we hug depends on the company we keep – the longer we know them, the more keen we might be to hug them.
I always welcome hugs if they are friendly and just that 🙂 Thanks for the encouragement, Kenji.
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Ah, whether or not I have boyfriend, and my love life, that is classified information. No one’s business but mine 🙂
I usually hug someone if I feel I can trust them and they come across as polite – and usually if I’ve known them for a while. For instance, I rarely hug someone I’ve met five minutes or one day ago 🙂
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I hate hugs please stop talking about this!!!!!!!?😒😣😡😒⁉
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Okay. No worries.
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I was not a hugged growing up either but then friends I met in graduate school taught me how. 🙂
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Glad to hear that, Imelda. Hugging is a great feeling most times, good to hear you like it 🙂
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I feel like I’m a pretty good hugger, but most of the time I’m not sure if I should hug someone or someone’s initiated a hug that I wasn’t expecting and most people just get awkward hugs from me. I know when to hug family, of course, but beyond that with friends I often feel like I get it wrong.
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I agree with you there. It’s hard to pick the right moment to hug sometimes. Sometimes someone might not be in a good mood, but that can be hard to tell. And when we go in for a hug that might not be received too well.
I’m sure they appreciate the gesture. It’s the thought that counts…hopefully.
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No, I use the standard Japanese bow. But… If you want to analyse this… It’s probably because if these reasons:
1. I’m an introvert. (INTJ) This is the main reason.
2. I’m asexual. (Www.asexuality.org). I’m afraid that my hugs will be mistaken to be sexual in nature.
3. Was born female, but identify as male and dress like one. By hugging, it will be apparent that I’m not male.
4. I was somewhat forced to hug as a child. I really hate kisses. I don’t even kiss my immediate family and don’t believe in holding, hugging or kissing your own children even.
I show affection through quick, perfunctory side hugs if I must. More commonly, I show it through material goods, deeds, spending time with a person, making meals, nice messages via text, anything like that. I don’t feel anything when hugged either. I don’t understand the emotional impact people claim to feel.
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Oh and working way too many any hours (50+ a week) until recently. 🙂
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Interesting comment. The topic of asexuality certainly brings a very interesting dimension to hugging. Though not all hugs are sexual in nature, a hug does leave the door open to getting closer with the person you hugged in the romantic and sexual sense. So as someone who is asexual, I can see why hugging is uncomfortable to you.
Affection can indeed be shown in other ways, like how you do. Glad that that works for you. We all have our own preferences, and I hope other around you respect that hugging isn’t what you like.
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Hi Mabel,
Hmm… Do I hug? Yes, I certainly do. Since I am still a school child, I am very happy to hug my friends in special times or just when I feel like it! I hug my family, even people I don’t know all that well! I feel as though hugging is a very ‘deep and meaningful’ action. It might represent anything – empathy, joy, love, happiness, appreciation – just like you have said.
A really interesting post! Thanks for posting! And thanks for visiting my blog, I really appreciate it!
Olivia
https://wordingonawhim.wordpress.com/blog
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You sound like you give hugs full of love and warmth! Very generous of you to hug others out of good will. I would love to hug you one day and it could quite possibly be the best hug in the world!
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Awwww! That makes me feel really warm inside! Yes, I really do love to hug… Thanks Mabel!
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for malaysian culture, some close friends and families do hug but rarely. mostly due to conservative culture of the ladies, kinda always thinking the men is taking advantage etc.
however, new generation are moving towards the hugging thing. its like a gesture of showing someone you care.
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Interesting to hear. And it’s also what I’ve heard about the younger generation in Malaysia – they are more outgoing and aren’t afraid of showing affection. Then again, it’s not like everyone in public does it. Last I was there a few years ago, not every couple were PDA-ing in the malls. But it also depends on the individual.
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Hugging is really not part of my culture. Not at all. So when I met my English speaking friend (from every part of the world, US, UK, australians, etc), it’s always very weird. Because I’m used to kiss on the cheek or shake hands but … I’m not used to hugs. So awkward. I’m slowly getting used to it 🙂
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Very interesting to hear! So polite of you to shake hands with people – I feel that is quite formal but I don’t really mind doing it. So if we do meet in person I will be very happy to shake your hand, and shake it hard 😀
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haha, maybe I’ll get used to hugging by then :D:D
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Okay. Then I will hug you to see if you have truly gotten used to hugging 😀
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I hug a lot, a gesture of endearment, to celebrate, to express joy, love, appreciation, friendship, sympathy, comfort, etc. sometimes words are not necessary. A simple, sincere and heartfelt hug goes a long, long way. Great post as always, Mabel.
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You are very loving, Lola. And not afraid to show it. “…sometimes words are not necessary”. You said it best. Love how you think about gratitude and love.
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Dear Mabel:
When you talk about the topic of this hug, I think of one thing I am embarrassed that I have hug my female classmates, but she stop me, though, after I hugged her, but at that time, I said to own : I will not hug people outside the family.
That experience let me down, but I understand that not everyone can accept as a warm hug of greeting, is because of this that my family never begrudge my hug, hold many times every day, I think this is emotion the exchange is also another kind of performance that I love you.
I do not know foreign friends, But I really think a hug is a very natural thing, but not to my friend.:)
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Meihsui,
I always hug me Taiwanese friends to greet them and say good-bye when we meet for dinner or have coffee together, especially the ones I only see from time to time. A few of them have lived abroad, so they might be used to it. However, none of them find it awkward. It feels like a natural thing to do!!
Have a great weekend! 🙂
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Dear Constance:
Because I had been rejected, I was hugging friends think I’m rude, so I’m impressed, I also find it very strange.I think Asians may be conservative, and I guess that is part intimate embrace body language.
Have a great weekend too. 🙂
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Meihsiu, I’m sure you give very warm and loving hugs – you are very kind hearted and not afraid to show it. Yes, hugging is certainly a performance. Love how you put it, I never thought about it that way. Hugging is a performance of affection, gratitude and optimism 🙂
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Mabel, I am a hugger. It is something that I don’t really think about as it just comes naturally. Like I told Meihsui, I always hug my Taiwanese friends as well as my other friends and family to greet them. Plus, I always give my husband a hug first thing in the morning and the last thing at night and we hug whenever either one of us leave.
I ran into one of my Taiwanese friends a couple of weeks ago out of the blue when we were out shopping and we gave each other a big hug. I am now wondering if her new boyfriend thought it was strange or not.
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Hugs first thing in the morning and last thing at night – sounds like a good way to make your day come full circle. Affirming your love for each other. Maybe that’s the secret to a successful relationship 😉
Hugging is often thought of as a public way or showing affection – and depending on how you hug someone or how long you hug someone, people might think differently of the relationship between two people. Maybe your Taiwanese friend’s boyfriend thought nothing of it…as Irvine mentioned, the more modern generation of Asians are rather open to hugging each other.
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i used to hug some of female friends and my buddies, but not with my female moslem girl because it’s considered taboo in their religion to hug or even touch the opposite sex friends….
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Fair enough, Dedy. If it’s against someone’s religion to hug them, it’s impolite and disrespectful if you do. So you are being a gentleman by not hugging your Muslim female friends 😀
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first of all… here’s a big warm hug for you, Mabel (though only virtual) 🙂 in my books, it’s ok to hug friends to say hallo or good-bye 🙂 I’ll prolly see it as coldness if I dont get a hug too lol 🙂 I would rarely hug someone I dont know however… for fear of invading personal space… I’d like to respect that, so in such cases I’d rather receive a hug rather than give it first… in my country it is even ok to kiss on the cheeks too… which I dont like so much, especially if I have to clean lipstick stains from my cheeks afterwards lol :)))
have a wonderful weekend, Mabel… and keep hugging, it is love, you are right :))
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Thank you, Alex. I love your warm hug. You are very nice to give me one across the blog world ❤ Kissing on the cheeks isn't too common in Australia, but I've seen it a few times. So maybe that's more of an European thing.
Hugging is certainly love. Cannot agree with you more 🙂
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Heyya,… I have over the years learned to ask permission before hugging someone I don’t know well as I appreciate there are those who prefer not to hug for any reasons.Though I might not always initiate them myself, I always enjoy receiving them. When I go more than a few days without one, I start to crave them. Hugs are like sugar to the soul and I noticed traditional Asian culture is less touchy-feely, but depends on how westernized someone is. Basically my more international Chinese friends are pretty much the same, girls hug a lot and close guy friends sometimes. I think it’s swell.Thanks for sharing a nice update… 🙂
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“Hugs are like sugar to the soul and I noticed traditional Asian culture is less touchy-feely, but depends on how westernized someone is” Love how you say it, Sneha. Hugging means giving away some love, telling someone they are appreciated and they mean something to the person.
Very polite of you to ask permission to hug someone you don’t know well. We all react to hugs differently depending our backgrounds.
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Maybe it is in Asian’s culture in general that we are not so expressive in showing our feelings and physical contacts should not be made in public. I found it at the beginning that it was awkward to hug someone, even to hug a family member. When I started working in an international organisation where my colleagues are majority from Europe and North America, the awkwardness is slowly gone. It’s weird.
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Awww, glad you are more used to hugging now. It does take some getting used to because hugging is an intimate show of appreciation…sort of like grabbing a bit of another person 😀
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I agree – now I think it is nice to hug people when I miss them or as an act of support 🙂 Great post Mabel, truly appreciate it!
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If we do meet, I will give you a big hug to support you and your work 😀
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