Asian girl and Caucasian guy. Hand in hand walking down the street. It’s a sight that’s becoming more and more common in public these days.
Sometimes these are scenes of true love. Sometimes these two people of different heritage are attracted to each other purely because of the “exotic cultural difference aura” hanging in the air between them.
Love is complex. Inter-racial love is perhaps even more complex. Photo: Mabel Kwong
Just how do both these kinds of Asian-girl-white-guy relationships work?
The idea of Orientalism offers an explanation as to why the latter type of relationship exists. According to Professor Edward Said, Orientalism is a system of thought in which the West think of themselves as superior over the East in terms of economic and social development, fostering unequal power relations.
As the documentary Seeking Asian Female shows, there are cashed-up, “yellow fever” white men out there who splash out on so-called instant “mail order Asian brides” whom they reckon are submissive enough to be doting wives and cute with their China-doll bangs. It’s worth noting there are many Chinese, Vietnamese etc. women in Asia who voluntarily sign up to become Asian brides, willing to be objects of objectification, not true affection. Not all of them do so to swindle a white man’s money, but do so to escape poverty and put their homemaking desires into action in today’s modern society. In a sense, both parties end up satisfying each other’s perverse pleasures and domesticating fantasies, so creating workable relationships.
Also, in Asian cultures maintaining “face” is much esteemed – having a well-to-do spouse or simply a spouse is admired greatly and lusted after. Definitely a viable proposition as to why some Asian women don’t mind being an “accessory” hanging off their white husband’s arms.
And how do some Caucasian men come to fetishise over Asian women and vice-versa? It’s no secret the media constantly perpetuates notions of Orientalism today and as pretty much daily media consumers, we are often susceptible towards buying into endless stereotypical, often sexualised constructions of Asian women/Caucasian men on TV or YouTube. Or perhaps some of them have lived in secluded towns all their lives where only one Orientalist-drenched train of thought towards other races goes around and that’s all they know.
Then there are Asian girls and Caucasian guys who are sincerely in love with each other. The well-traveled, well-educated Gen-Y individuals appear to be more receptive towards stepping into this kind of relationship. Take for instance this couple: Beijing girl Hannah and Australian guy Alex meet in China, help one another speak the other’s language, come to accept their cultural differences with an open-mind and today reside loved-up in Sydney.
For such a relationship – and any other inter-racial relationship – to last the test of time, mutual respect for each other’s cultures is a natural necessity. Mutual respect goes beyond simply acknowledging each other’s traditions; it’s also about cultural tolerance. Like he taking his shoes off in her house and she going out to barbeques under the sun with him. In line with Hannah and Alex’s story that explains how Alex puts up with Hannah’s “sajiao” tantrums, making the effort to question the importance of and even partaking in the significant other’s customs warrants a stronger understanding of their not only their heritage, but their heritage-influenced personality.
It’s always heartening to see such couples learn each other’s language, especially from scratch. But maybe this is what keeps these relationships going. Don’t we always stop and stutter when we’re speaking to someone in a different language? It can be frustrating, but also fun and amusing – someone’s always saying something in a funny accent and it forces the two people to communicate. Not to mention learning a language and being able to speak it fluently takes time, just like how love often takes time to blossom.
Recently, there was a brief discussion about Asian girls going out with Caucasian guys in the comments section of one of my posts, and Shunlake mentioned:
In the context of love, sometimes heartfelt actions speak louder than words.
What do you think are the foundations of Asian-girl-Caucasian-guy and inter-racial relationships?
Mabel Kwong 
Interesting read. I’m predominately white, my first girlfriend (and I say ‘girlfriend’ very loosely loosely because I was only around 5 at the time..lol) was Asian, I didnt understand the idea of race back then, so I don’t remember ever realising that my “girlfriend” was of different race to me. I grew up in a fairly close community which had a decent balance of whites and Asians, so I spose it’s understandable for some who aren’t exposed to the same level of mixing to make a deal about it.
As much as I hate the use of the term Asian/white fetish. These terms do definitely have some reality to them, but it is like what was touched upon earlier, mostly between older Caucasian men and younger foreign Asian women. Those types of relationships somewhat gross me out, but they’re no different to the majortiy of relationships where there is a large age disparity, usually because of motives other than love for one another. It’s a shame that when race is also a factor, people generalise and put us younger, Gen Y’s as was said, into the same group.
Lastly, another point I’d like to add, for all people in general, I’d be cautious of a guy who wanted women to be submissive, it sounds borderline sexist to me. I find confidence and assertiveness a very attractive attribute.
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Thanks, Chace. Very good points you bring up and very balanced arguments. Yeah, I had my first “boyfriend” when I was five too, in the playground. Mucking around like kids do 🙂 I am not a huge gain of the term Asian/white fetish or even yellow-fever too. They’re very stereotypical and narrow terms but yeah, they are applicable in some situations. Our generation, Gen Y, tends to be more adventurous, open-minded and accepting of unique cultural backgrounds and when people bring up the issue of Asian-girl-white-guy relationships, they usually assume it’s a cool thing among us.
Some women don’t mind being submissive and I’ve always wondered why this is so as I’m not like that most of the time. I can only guess it’s due to their cultural background: in some Asian cultures, Asian women are taught to listen to males, taught to listen to their male partners and be good housewives.
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Mabel I have been with my Korean wife for almost 20 years now. I met her when we were both around 24 years old. I have been told I am a very nice looking guy. Even white women are still very attracted to me. Now with that said, I never thought I would date an Asian girl…I met my wife and I new when I fell in love with her. We have had some good times and bad times but having three kids it goes without saying. All the bigotry out there just makes us laugh. We have 3 great looking kids who are amer-asian so in the end it dont matter what other people think. Perhaps just jealous? Get over it…
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Sounds like you’ve been a very happy (cross) cultural relationship for a very long time. Maybe there are some folk out there jealous of your happy relationship, who knows. 20 years is a long time, and I suppose there are a number of factors that keep your relationships ticking and your kids happy.
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I have a question. what if im attracted to a girl who just so happens to be asian, and other than that i can’t tell the differce white and asian. fyi i am also more than 25 percet cherokee and 50 percent greek. irish if your wondering. ps with that in mind bcase i am also native and middle easter in ethinicity is that technichly a white/ asian thing.
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Love is a complicated feeling. Perhaps try talking to the girl you like. Try to find common ground and get to know her that way…I’m sure she, and like many others, want to be appreciated for who they are regardless of race.
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Ameri-Asian would be wrong. It would be Euro-Asian. Think about it. That’s why there’s such a problem. It’s inherent in your speech but you don’t realize how much impact there is when you live in a white dominated culture. The majority represent the truth and the truth is that culture and ethnicity is coupled so much that you still consider yourself and insider and your wife an outsider. Who determined whether or not 5 generations vs 20 years finally makes you American?
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Constant complaints about asian women and white american men is getting old. People date who makes them happy, why get angry find someone for yourself. As an asian female I date white men because I choose to date them and do not care if a white girl disapproves. I see all these posts saying some really crazy reasons such as only ugly asian girls date nonasian men, how pathetic. I am a very capable and attractive girl and my man had plenty of choices of women before me. Most complaints on this topic are from white girls with issues or angry asian men.
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Dear Lana,
Totally agree with you and will add my comments to this article. I am 51 my wife of 14 years is Chinese and 42, very tall 5.7ft and extremely beautiful inside and outside, we have 3 wonderful Eurasian boys, the 3 of them speak, read and write French, English and Chinese they are fully aware of their European and Chinese heritage and are extremely well balanced, to compliment all this we moved from China to Canada 3 years ago embracing for all of us a third culture. I myself learned to speak Chinese when leaving and working in Beijng and when I saw my wife for the first time, I knew she was my soul mate. Both of us could not communicate as I did not yet speak Chinese nor she could speak French or Englsih, but we knew within weeks that we were made for one another, regardless of our upbringing, race and cultural differences, love has no boundaries.
I have a very simple philosophie about life, we do not choose at birth our gender, parents, religion, race, colour of skin or country of birth, therefore why are we so uncomfortable or intolerant about mix race marriage or relationship? Place any children of different cultures and/or origins with no commun language together, they will still play and talk to each other, amazing that as so called “adults” we are totally incapable to do the same, by loosing this child like quality/ability, of just been in tune with who we are, we are restricting ourselves to fully appreciate this life.
Our differences, that is what make us interesting, imagine if we were all the same, what a boring world it will be, we must learn how to embrace our cultural differences and that’s exactly what I did with my wife. Respect, trust, good communication and tolerance of one another, will create the foundation of a lasting marriage or relationship regardless of your race or gender.
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That is a very interesting philosophy you have there about life, Guy. We definitely don’t get to choose our heritage or background when we’re born – we’re born into a particular culture. No two people of the same race have the same stories as well. Every couple out there is different in so many ways, and yes, I also wonder why some of us are uncomfortable about cross-cultural relationships. Starting fascinated at such couples is one thing (which might be a bit rude), but saying that such couples shouldn’t get together because of their background is another – the latter being a ridiculous argument.
Congratulations on a very happy marriage, very happy for the two of you. Sounds like you and your family have embraced the cultures within and around you. There’s always something to learn from each culture.
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Well here’s an educated speaker (honest remark). However I think it would be great for your children to learn more deeply about what they will have to go through in life in relation to prejudice and racism. Recognizing that there is an imbalance of genders in East Asian and White relationships could do some good. You’re right, no one chooses their characteristics or their culture they will have to learn so if everyone is equal then why do White females not feel the same way about East Asian males?
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Small issue with the article.
“Then there are Asian girls and Caucasian guys who are sincerely in love with each other. The well-traveled, well-educated Gen-Y individuals appear to be more receptive towards stepping into this kind of relationship. Take for instance this couple: Beijing girl Hannah and Australian guy Alex meet in China, help one another speak the other’s language, come to accept their cultural differences with an open-mind and today reside loved-up in Sydney.”
You didn’t explicitly state this but if you’re going to say something like that you ought to consider other scenarios. Are Caucasian females and Asian males just not well traveled enough? Is that why there are so few? No – of course it isn’t why but the disparity still exists. That’s the question that needs answered and the discussion worth having. There’s not need restating very well visually represented scenarios. If all people are created equal and people aren’t inherently racist since birth then what cultural issues have been ingrained so that the flipped relationship barely survives our society?
What about Asian and Asian? You realize that Asia isn’t just some enormous country? There are so many cultures and ethnicities in Asia that you can still be “well-traveled” if you travel only in Asia alone. You can find someone equally well-traveled and well-educated Gen-Y from Asia but I have a feeling you think they’re too backwater to be considered.
What I’m trying to get you admit here is there is a social status and physical prejudice.
The unfortunate thing you’re also ignoring is that most white-dominated in countries other than Europe immigrated to their countries in very recent years but long enough that they’ve lost their heritage to whatever the melting pot is. 1st gen Asians learn and experience American or Australian culture just the same when growing up so I’m not sure why that culture would be so fascinating or that interesting. 1st gen Asians have both their heritage and the adopted culture under their belt. White culture is just white culture. Again, I’m not talking about those who identify as European.
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This article was written with the purpose of briefly exploring why some Asian-female-white-male (AFWM) relationships exist. There are certainly other kinds of relationships out there. Having lived in Asia for ten years, I’ve met my fair share of Asian-girl-Asian-guy couples who are lovely and I don’t see any reason to look down upon them. There are a myriad kinds of interracial relationships out there, some of them have similarities, some don’t. I could have discussed about about Asian-girl-Asian-guy couples in the article, yes, but that was not the purpose of this article. And this topic opens up a whole new can of worms.
As I inferred in the article alongside’s Said’s notion of Orientalism, at times AFWM relationships exist due to cultural hierarchical reasons.
True. Some of us who are the offspring of migrants might not be in touch with our heritage. It might play a part in the relationships we choose to keep, or it might not. None of us have all the answers in the world or the correct reason as to why each relationship exists. We all have our own perspectives based on how we’re raised and our experiences.
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My wife isn’t submissive unless she wants to be but she is a very much a woman that cares for me and I have never tried to control her.that term Asian/white fetish is a stupid term I guess some people have it but it’s wrong to get together for that reason
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Why is that whenever a White man likes or marries an Asian Women he’s almost always accused of a having a Asian fetish and the asian women as demeaned (usually by asian boys) by all sorts of names
Yet we never here these statement being directed at WW/AM couples, you never hear of an Asian boy being accused of having white fetish, of the white girl having yellow fever.
It just seems like good old fashion racism of bigotry to me.
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Very good point. It’s anyone’s guess really as to why the Asian-girl-white-guy relationship is always in the spotlight compared to other inter-racial pairings. There’s always been talk about this race “stealing” their own race’s girls/guys and so maybe racism does have something to do with it all. There seems to be more Asian-girl-white-guy relationships than white-girl-Asian-guy relationships. It would be great to hear more from the second kind of couple.
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Speaking for the second kind of couple here – in most places, there just aren’t as many WWAM couples (I have yet to come across another one in Shenzhen where I live), which is why we just aren’t in the spotlight as much. I’ve never had someone accuse me of yellow fever, but some female bloggers out there in WWAM relationships have written about being accused of yellow fever and having had to deal with myriads of other stereotypes people have about those in WWAM relationships. But yes, most people in the West will probably not automatically assume you have yellow fever if you’re in a WWAM relationship. Whereas the other way around these assumptions are quite common.
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That’s so true. In some places, like you said, Shenzen, there rarely are inter-racial couples. I like how you bring up the idea that yellow fever can be a thing among women, or something we accuse women of. It’s not often we hear Caucasian women accused of having a fetish for Asian men – which isn’t something you would want. The only reason I can think of behind this idea is the one you suggested – that WWAM are rare. Thanks for reading.
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Here are my views as a once married (15 years) once divorced “white-ish” male (most of us are “mutts” here in America).
It has to do with cultural sexual balance of power in the respective cultures. From my view, western women and asian men are basically spoiled in their respective “native cultures”. Women in the west expect so much from their men and feel entitled in a lot of ways simply based on the fact they own a vagina. In the east, women are basically 2nd class citizens and the men make sure their women know that. They are entitled and if their women don’t like it, there are billions more the man can trade in for within reach.
So what ends up happening is that a western man who is constantly used to proving his worth to the object of his affection, meets a beautiful asian woman who is used to tending to the needs of her man without expecting appreciation for it suddenly gets appreciated for being *gasp* actually FEMININE!! The eastern woman is flattered by this new experience of being told thank you for a lot of thankless things she does (in her mind) and finds herself being more happy in herself and in her relationship. The man feels more appreciated for what efforts he makes … the woman feels more appreciated for the effort she makes and BAM! A self-reinforcing positive relationship materialzes out of nowhere. .. so oddly enough …any western men have the “women’s liberation” movement for raising their stock in foreign countries and raising the awareness of the value of women in asian cultures to western men. Funny how karma works sometimes. Be careful of the male bashing … it comes back embittered women wondering why they suddenly MUST be independent instead of WANTING to be independent …
And BTW, the undercurrent of your disdain for western men seeking eastern women is palatable. The choices of your words hade guessing that the author was a “modern western woman” within 2 paragraphs. I realize you have an asian heritage … but your “western educated female” view point is so very typical and quite honestly we males are nauseated by your bias. I don’t bother dating Asian women in the west for this very reason … it’s not about the race … it’s about the cultures and how they each appreciate the qualities of the opposite sex from the other.
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“with cultural sexual balance of power ” This is such an interesting point to this discussion. So often we are attracted to someone’s personalities and that can draw two people of a different background together. It is true that there are some Asian women who are happy to be there for their male partners all the time and be at their beck and call. And yet, some men in this world appreciate that. If it makes a relationship work, then it does.
I wouldn’t say I am against Western men dating Asian women. In fact, I am all up for it. Some date someone of another culture because of physical reasons, others emotional, or both. We all have our own reasons for dating who we want to date. Each to their own.
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There are people in this life who are so full of their own self imposed superiority over others they look for any means to tell you what you are doing is wrong. Even resorting to ever faithful bible and god quotes. I am an Australian male, my girlfriend is Chinese. I had a few “white”, yes, I said it, girlfriends before we meet. Nothing lasted because of the attitude they displayed. My loving, caring, beautiful lady is, from the outside a quiet, attentive, demure, beautiful, petite asian woman. She is all of that, because she chooses to be for me. Until she’s not. She is full of life, cheeky as hell, passionate, and not afraid for one moment to tear into me if I disappoint or upset her (only did that once). I have been on the receiving end of a reprimand, from my stepmother, because I spoke for her, at her request. My lady is selfconcious of her english in unfamiliar company. My stepmother did not see this as a show of love, but me attempting to control my girlfriend by speaking for her. The point I aim to make is this, others make assumptions without knowing the truth, purely for manipulative reasons to fulfill their own personal perception of the world they know based on voices in their heads, and to listen to another perspective would make them question all that they “know” about the truth and reality of life. If you do something to make them question their beliefs, they will openly, and normally with excessive hostility, attack you by any means they can find. I simply look, and tell myself “If they’re picking on me, then someone else doesn’t have to suffer their closed minded, ignorant rant.
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Thanks, Ross. Such an interesting perspective to the conversation. Being self-conscious of a language is understandable. It takes time to learn a language and I’m sure in due time your other half will be better at speaking English. It is easy to see in the situation you described how one might see her as submissive – and I hope that that doesn’t get her down. Each relationship – whether interracial or not – is unique yet so many of us still stereotype them based on “what we heard” and “what we have always known”. As you inferred, they think they are right and know it all, and that could be why. Then again, sometimes some are just too stubborn to accept that the truth comes in a multitude of faces and layers – more so when it comes to culture supposedly because none of us want to feel threatened by another race.
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As an Asian American male who attended,grade school, high school, and college in the United States I definitely have a unique perspective on this issue as my wife is Lebanese-Syrian.
It’s very confusing growing up, and it’s even harder with very little dating directions or role models on TV or the movies, save for Han in the Fast and Furious series… LOL but even he was killed off. Even areas will a huge percentage of Asian males like Seattle, California or NY, there aren’t any normal Asian American guys…like Grey’s Anatomy?
All guys face a lot of rejection when dating and some Asian males confuse correlation with causality though. Maybe she is looking for an athlete.
It’s a form of projection when some Caucasian males feel that they are being judged in a racist fashion for dating Asian females at times. I feel it’s perfectly acceptable for Caucasian or other ethnicities to date and or marry Asian woman.
Basically I’m writing to tell Asian guys or Asian looking guys, not to give up or settle or be discouraged. If 99 percent of online ads request a specific ethnicity, avoid them and those women and seek out those that are more receptive to your attention.
Practice and in time you will develope a radar to know which woman, Asian or otherwise, are attractive to you.
Racism does exist for Asian man though especially at clubs and other situations. I remember a club denying my half Asian/ half Caucasian entrance. He was denied even after stating his Dad was white.
My friend’s brother in law who is Asian, and served in the Middle East, while in the Army, was questioned by the police because he had an Iraq Vet sticker on his car. It took proof for the officer to believe that the Asian guy was in combat and served the US.
While Asian male/ non Asian female relationships are rare, we’re out there.
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Sorry for the grammar and spelling as I’m typing on a small phone.
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And it’s Brian Tran so you know I’m Vietnamese with my Grandma being Half Chinese, but we don’t count that part.
It’s not Brian Traan, but I’m not sure how edit.
No hiding for me. LOL
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Not a problem, don’t mind the spelling and grammar mistakes at all. Typing a long comment on a phone is hard, good on you *applause* We’re all human. WordPress doesn’t allow commentors to edit their comments after it’s been posted, unfortunately.
I totally agree with you when you say that racism exists for the Asian man in the context of dating, and in everyday life too. Love it too when you said, “No hiding from me”. LOL indeed. I guess it’s confidence attitude that will give any Asian guy any chance of landing the girl of their dreams, Asian, Caucasian or any other ethnicity. It’s always interesting and insightful to hear Asian guys fleshing out the reasons why some Asian girls aren’t attracted to them. However, doing this all the time simply reflects a bad attitude, in my opinion. And in all honestly, I think many of us don’t exactly gravitate to those with negative, harsh attitudes.
Yes, the Asian guy-non-Asian female relationships tend to be far and few. Maybe that’s why we don’t often hear from such Asian guys sharing their opinions on this subject. Thanks for stopping by, Brian.
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My wife is Japanese and I am Caucasian Australian. We know many couples with Japanese wife/Caucasian male. However we know a family with Japanese man and Australian wife – they have two handsome sons (age around 20 and 23) and they are a happy family unit. Many years ago knew a Singaporean guy who married an Australian lady – but generally the woman is the Asian. I can think of several Caucasian males in my office/and circle of friends who have Asian wives – Vietnamese, Chinese, Malaysian and Japanese.
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Sounds like you know very interesting people with interesting backgrounds in Australia. The world is a multicultural place with multicultural relationships. How times have changed.
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Actually, I’m Egyptian-Moroccan and my girlfriend is Vietnamese as well. I honestly didn’t know there were more couples like us 😀
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And know you do! You guys sound like an interesting couple. I wish the both of you well 🙂
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I agree with you on all points. Those relationships are out there and there are way for individuals to deal with the environment they got, but there are some who are trying to change the environment for everyone so that they don’t have to go through the same prejudice. Those are the people who question. It’s easy to say when you’re an Asian Female choosing your pick of the litter because the *environment* is conducive to that experience, but when the tide is against you, you start looking at a bigger Why? Would you want your son to deal with this situation as well or would you just say, “you have to deal with it like we’ve always dealt with it — back in my day”
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Gee, lots of responses. Not surprising.
I’m sure people judge my partner and I. He’s 16 yrs. older than I –he’s German-Canadian. We’ve been together for past 23 yrs. He immigrated to Canada when he was little boy.
You’ll read about us in my blog…in a few months. 🙂 It’s in the line-up of blog posts.
As for couples who don’t have good fluency to communicate on 1 language: frankly to make any marriage work, requires ongoing detailed and careful communication, shared thoughts and values. Very key!
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I did expect varying responses to this facet of inter-racial dating, but not this many. It’s very interesting to read all of them as they all discuss the topic from various angles. All good enough to compile into a book of some sort, lol.
So happy for you and your partner. That’s a long time you’ve been together and the both of you must understand each other very well. Sounds like each of you bring different cultures and perspectives to your relationship. Am definitely looking forward to reading about it on your blog 🙂 Totally agree with you on the last point: communication, shared thoughts and values are important traits that keep any relationship ticking. For inter-racial couplings, I would say throw in cultural tolerance too as well.
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http://www.vancouversun.com/opinion/op-ed/Douglas+Todd+forces+against+mixed+marriage/8939561/story.html Of interest.
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Yes. Of interest, definitely. Thanks so much for sharing. Throw in the equation of faith and it brings up a whole new dimension to inter-racial relationships. Our values and what we grew up believing in tend to resonate with us for a very, very long time. An interesting mixed faith couple could be something like this: someone doesn’t follow a faith, but their partner does. Though I’m not a huge fan when they article says sometimes we’re “…lured together by…the fascination of the unknown”. I’m sure this is holds true for some couples and this sentiment does exist. It is an interesting way to explain attraction between two people of different races (and faith).
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“The idea of Orientalism offers an explanation as to why the latter type of relationship exists. According to Professor Edward Said, Orientalism is a system of thought in which the West think of themselves as superior over the East in terms of economic and social development, fostering unequal power relations.”
I think the start of the article sums up everything as to why the AFWM (asian female + white male) relationship is dominant in the media and manifesting. My theory is that the movement stems from a political agenda started many decades ago, both prior and through the United States’ involvement in world wars with East Asian countries, where Orientalism was clearly demonstrated. Following the surrender of Japan and other world wars in East Asian countries, the media magnates and moguls started a brainwashing movement to validate a broad acceptance of the AFWM relationship, and its working as we can see the those couples abundantly.
The US will always find its way to utilize another country’s resources, particularly with those with whom we have declared war with; and one of major resources of East Asian countries outside of their strong homogenous economies (ie China, Japan, Korea) is their women.
If an East Asian country’s homogenous culture won’t let the white man in, then the white man’s media will validate the asian female through movies and media, and breed his way in. Over the course of many decades to come, the white male will have penetrated East Asian culture through genetics and offspring. This is why white males are always placed as superior in almost all of US mainstream media, and other ethnicities as inferior, it is a form of genocide and brainwashing. Recent examples of this, well look at 47 Ronin, like seriously, an entirely and original Japanese film that makes Keannu Reeves the star? I like these movies but still, look at the cast of Pacific Rim and The Last Samurai, all of this AFWM media is a political agenda to tell all you asian females that it’s okay, and to please breed and have more children with white males. They also tell all white males that yes, you are masculine, and that you as a white male have an inherited right to dominate and take control of any women you want. I won’t go into the other geopolitical agendas that might be coming in the next century with relation to China and other East Asian countries rising as super powers.
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A very valid point you make there, Shane. It is no secret that so much of Western media centres around focusing on the white male being the only dominant male. I have always been puzzled as to why Hollywood remakes of historical Asian films must make Caucasian stars of the shows. It could be because this would go down well with the Western world’s “white viewing palates”, or as you said it could be a political agenda that stems back to the eras of colonialism. It is a bit unfortunate to see such blockbusters dominating the box office in many Asian cities such as Singapore and Malaysia. It’s not like there isn’t a cinema for Asian blockbuster-esque films with Asian leads. There is but for some unknown reason these productions very rarely do as well as something Hollywood produces. Maybe it’s because Asian girls find Caucasian male artists more attractive. It’s anyone’s guess really.
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There is a big difference between older films like ‘The Barbarian and the Geisha’ which came out in 1958 and Mr. Yunioshi’s character in the 1961 film ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ with movies like ‘Ronin 47’ or ‘Memoirs of a Geisha’ which are far more recent. None of these movies are great examples but they do show that things are changing. Movies like ‘Better Luck Tomorrow’ and maybe ‘Shanghai Kiss’ show I hope that things are moving in the right direction.
We also should look at how Asian cinema depicts westerners in general including dealing with mixed relationships in order to get a balance on things..
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You’re right about that for Asians with an Asian nationality. As far as white-dominated immigrant nations go, Hollywood is a pretty big force. Just do a little bit of research on how much money is in Hollywood vs any other film hub. They’re releasing media on many different channels, if a country had that sort of budget for propaganda – which does the same thing but very targeted, imagine what they could do.
I think the problem most people have is that they can’t possibly imagine themselves “that bad” when if we go back to the “all people are created equal” statement then you’ll realize that it’s because of conditioning that the Nazis were ever produced. You REALLY think that Nazis were biologically predisposed of being “evil”? No they were conditioned and educated to feel that way through social constructs and propaganda/films.
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I completely agree with you. If there were more Asians and even Asian Americans in Hollywood there wouldn’t be so much of a problem. As a chicken or egg.
For the people who what to discuss matters like these should really take a look at Asian history in America or any other immigrant nation for that matter and look at how even laws have produced a terrible environment for the race. Chinese exclusion act anyone? If you dig up the propaganda they had back then you’ll start to understand that there is a root of every problem and that it extends in history.
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Interesting, but you are mostly over thinking all this
I married a Chinese because she is very beautiful, super smart, and we are nice to each other. You can over do all this 101 social psychology. A lot of Chinese women are really attractive, and excel in school, as I’m am a trilingual lawyer, psychologist I like this type of woman, it’s that simple.
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No one things that this is really happening because China is now a super power. Why white people are atractive. Maybe it is because white man is relate to money and power.
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It could definitely be because Asian girls are attracted to Caucasians’ wallets. After all, many are quite desperate to escape their poverty stricken lives. Thanks for stopping by, Dela.
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Mabel,
Great conversation going here! I’m a 50-year-old caucasian male who emigrated as a young boy to Australia from Scotland with my family. My wife ended up in Australia as a young girl and a refugee with her family at the end of the Vietnam War. Quite some years ago now as twenty-somethings we met at work, became friends, became romantically-involved, lived together, ended up getting married and then had two wonderful children. At the time we were going out together, and even up until the time we got married, I really didn’t give too much thought to the interracial marriage thing – from my wife’s point of view the critical thing was that I needed to be a Roman Catholic! Because we were one of the first, in Melbourne (Australia) anyway, “interracial” (that word makes it all sound like a scientific experiment!) couples I got the feeling that people used to quite often give us a second glance; what was very interesting is that when we had kids I then used to notice a lot of young “interracial” couples look at us and then look at the kids as if to just affirm that the potential fruits of their relationship would turn out okay!
Yes, my wife was, and still most certainly is, a hottie! That bit out of the way, the thing that most certainly endeared me to her so much was her feisty character and her sometimes wicked sense of fun; the fact that she is asian and I am caucasian is something others perhaps used to dwell on – not so much now I venture to say: it really is a big melting pot out there!
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Thanks for the encouragement, Paul, and for sharing your story. It seems like the both of you like Australia a lot, so much so that the both of you have lived here for so long! The both of you must love each other a lot and it must have took a bit of guts to get together in a time when interracial dating was very rare. I guess if you’re attracted to someone’s personality and demeanour, their race and looks don’t really cross your mind too much, maybe only in the instances when you’re talking to your kids about your culture and heritage, and to others who are curious about your relationship.
Unlike all twenty, thirty years ago, inter-racial dating today is quite common and I’m sure you’ve met other couples – both young and old – like the both of you. Maybe you have interesting stories on this topic to swap. The both of you seem a very loving couple, so nice to see and I hope you guys have many more happy years together. Thanks for reading and commenting, I really appreciate it.
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A lot of White men are smart, successful, and nice to women, while a lot of Chinese have high IQs, excel in school, are ambitious, and just plain think White males are often handsome, sorry, but true.
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I suppose there are some Westerners and Chiense who think that way since the world is so diverse…and also the other way round too.
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Many asian men are short, look like nerds and are introverts probably that’s why there are less asian male – white female relations. American movies always portray “white American” as the good guy and all others (including non-western whites) as the bad guys, so there is nothing new about that. There are some good looking asian alpha male movie-stars like Bruce Lee and Jet Li who are popular among “white” people.
Many asian females are attractive and exotic for white males, because they have nice and soft skin, beautiful black hair, are feminine, are in good shape and respect is an important part in their culture. All appealing for “white” men. Not all asian females are like that of course, some behave arrogant and bitchy. I, myself, am not attracted to “nordic” women, don’t consider them feminine or cultural.
Many Asian women are attracted to “white” men, because “whites” are considered exotic to asian females, “white” males are taller and have wide and colorful eyes.
Racism is everywhere, not only “white Americans” are racist, racism exist in every culture. Albeit “American” is the most dangerous one because of it’s aggressive global dominance in the world and the cultural ignorance of Americans and the idiocracy in their society.
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Let’s remember that Bruce Lee was born in America (not China) and was 25% German and suffered racism from both Chinese and non Chinese communities but he was a trailblazer who opened up many peoples minds. Let’s also remember that during the 20th century large numbers of people emigrated than ever before moved to different countries and this continues now.
We are becoming more global all the time and countries which may have had some kind of isolationist view like China and Australia towards immigration are becoming more international. Due to this more people are mixing and more mixed relationships are happening, fact. Some people will want to mix and marry solely within their own race and others won’t. I agree that racism is everywhere but if someone does or doesn’t want to have a relationship with someone from another race then that’s up to them because it’s their choice. It becomes a problem when people voice their views in public or online in a negative way. Love is a wonderful thing and if it’s pure love then does it really matter who you are with (it doesn’t).
I have to say you lost me when you said ” “American” is the most dangerous one…” No one can stereotype over 300 million people into saying they all think and say the same thing because they don’t, also saying “Many asian men are short, look like nerds and are introverts” is quite a disrespectful thing to say as well.
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“Love is a wonderful thing and if it’s pure love then does it really matter who you are with (it doesn’t).” I like the way you say this. Love is love. And you bring up a very important issue here: choice. We live in such a diverse world today it really shouldn’t come as a surprise if any of us choose to get together with a person of our own race or another race. I guess it becomes racism when you get together with someone of another culture and don’t bother finding more about their heritage. But then again, you can argue that this is ignorance.
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I found this recently from another website –
“If you do not respect and appreciate your partners culture (to the extent you are willing to forsake elements of your own culture for their benefit), intercultural and interracial relationships are nearly impossible”.
Taken from ‘Texan in Tokyo’
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You lost him there because he’s talking about it in a macro aspect not micro.
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For some people, differences in the context of looks attract. Nothing wrong with this. I do think that any good inter-racial relationship needs not just respect but cultural tolerance from both parties for it to work out. There can be racism in inter-racial relationships. Not taking the time to get to know your partner’s culture is one sign of that.
You’re right. It seems that alpha Asian males are the more popular ones. The American TV show features two Asian (Korean) main characters – they look decent – but this is just a start.
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Many asian men are good looking, smart and very wealthy. Some of the reasons why they are not interested in white women are because of cultural reasons, especially east asian men, because it is their duty to take care of the elders. They don’t think that white women are capable doing that duty.
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Hi there Mabel,
I’m asian girl, filipino to be exact and to be honest, I don’t know why on earth am I commenting here because I have not dated or been in a relationship with a foreign man (white black, hispanic, etc.). I just chatted with some online but never dated any of them since dating is the least of my concerns right now. Maybe it’s because I find the blog interesting and reading the comments have somewhat, entertained me.
I’ve seen many comments here who bash chinese girls and comparing them to other asian ethinicities saying that they (chinese) are racists while the others (filipinos, japanese, thais, etc) are more open minded. I can’t really speak for other asian girls so I guess I can, at least, share something about the women of my country and IMO, the filipinas AREN’T less racists than the chinese girls. The approach are maybe just different. Here, I admit, filipinos prefer white than black. Even most of our actors/actresses and models are mestizas or eurasians. Many skin whitening products are advertised on TV or sold in stores. The media gave us the perception that having light skin is desirable and even before colonial times, it symbolizes wealth because the royals don’t go out often and not get exposed in the sun like what commoners do. But then again, lately, I’ve been seeing filipinas who date black men and Iranians (Some are probably straight from Africa because we have an influx of students from Africa and Iran recently ) and morena (brown skinned) actors/actresses are starting to get noticed in the entertainment industry so I guess some things are changing a bit.
Anyways, enough of the orientation of white preference over black in my country. So I guess I’ll just state some reasons why some women in my country prefer having a foreigner (white) husband/bf:
1. One is obviously because of poverty and some women from my country especially the ones from poor backgrounds thinks that a white man is their ticket out of poverty. Well we can’t blame them for this belief because Anglo-speaking countries and western Europe countries are wealthier than many Asian countries. Another reason why I can see many middle aged to retired western men with very young filipino wife.
2. Some women think that having a white bf/husband is a way for them to climb up the social ladder and to be honest, these kind of women repulse me. Some of these women like to parade their white bf and have that arrogant look on their faces like they won the lottery and act like they are better than others for having a white partner. Sincere men should guard themselves from these types of women.
3. Thanks to Hollywood, white people are seen as attractive. I even have some friends who admit that they want a foreigner bf because they are attractive. Then my initial response was, “Some are…Well they have straight noses.” Lol! But then again, let’s be real…not all white men look like Brad Pitt or Hugh Jackman and there is nothing wrong with that of course.
4.They think white men respect women and are more open minded. I don’t know if this situation exists in other Asian countries but Filipino males (not all of course) can be AGE and SKIN conscious. Some think the older you become or the darker you are, the less desirable you are. Women in their thirties are seen as spinsters and may find it difficult to search for a husband beause even me in their thirties or forties would look for women in twenties. I noticed that some white man/filipina couple I have seen is that, the white man is in his forties while the filipino is in her thirties. And as for the skin color, we had the perception that white men will often choose darker skinned girls because that’s what we see. I think it’s cool because they don’t see color as a criteria in choosing a partner.
5. Half-white babies are cute. I know someone who once said to me in a comical manner that if she can’t find a partner here in the Philippines then she’ll look for a foreigner because they will at least have cute babies. Not sure if she was just joking or not but then again yeah Eurasians are pretty but I wouldn’t say that the are far prettier than non-mixed asians. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder anyway.
6. Love. I guess I don’t need to explain this. Lol!
There are probably other reasons that I have not listed but these are all that I can think of.
I also read one commentor here who mentioned how the western media often portray both Asian men and women and I agree with him.The asian guy is often portrayed either a geek, a martial artist or an evil villain. The asian woman is either an exotic submissive doll, a prostitute (Miss Saigon, The World of Suzie Wong, Priscilla, Queen of the dessert etc.), or a kung fu girl. If she is an independent asian woman then she falls into the dragon lady stereotype who is mean, ambitious and conniving like Lucy Liu’s character in Ally McBeal. I remembered chatting once with a guy from UK in a chatroom who mentioned that she find “oriental women” attractive and I was like “really? do you know any?” He just answered no but he mentioned that he always watches oriental porn and I suddenly lost interest so I just typed bye and clicked the exit button. Lol! So the media and I guess internet also plays a big role on how some western people see Asians. There are also attractive asian men just like how unattractive white men exists. There are gold-digging people all over the world. I am not against interracial dating as long as it’s genuine and full of love.
Anyways, I have to go since I think my comment is already quite long. But before I go, I would like to commend you for being patient with some bigoted comments here.
Kudos to you and have a nice day!
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Thanks for reading and commenting, Chinita. You bring up a lot of relevant points to the Asian-girl-white-guy relationship. This is always an interesting topic for some reason, seems to be for people who are in such a relationship (naturally) and others who are not (curious to find out different dating patterns).
Point 4 you brought up stuck out to me – that Asian women think Caucasian men are more respectful and open-minded compared to Asian men. I’ll add attentive to this. This seems like a generalisation. I think this mentality stems from the tendency for Caucasians to look at others straight in the eye and yes, to an extent open to being daring and trying new things (like new diets, new religions are some examples). Some Asian women are known have strict, submissive traditional upbringings and long to have a more “free” life, so maybe that’s why they gravitate to Caucasian men.
Point 5 – “Half-white babies are cute”. You’re the first commenter to mention this. I wonder what non-Asians think the same way. And yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We all perceive beauty differently, inside and outside. I haven’t come across anyone who has said half-white, half-Asian babies are particularly cute, cuter than a non-mixed race baby.
Seems like you know your American TV shows very well. There’s also a current American TV series called Hawaii Five-O where there are two Asian (Korean) main characters in it. Haven’t watched much of it but it seems that these two are portrayed in non-stereotypical manners.
There are definitely a number of opinionated comments on this post (some I agree with, some I don’t), but they are still opinions. Thank you so much for your long comment and reading the other comments too, I really appreciate it. It’s longer than my post, heehee! I’m flattered. Thanks once again 🙂
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Hi Mabel,
I know the tv series Hawaii 5-0 and I like Grace Park, the korean actress in the series. True, the tv series is somehow a start for asians to be portrayed in a non-stereotypical way even though we all know that there is still a long way to go.
Anyways, I’ll just explain the “half-white half-asian babies being cute” statement. I think that mentality only existed in the Philippines because our country was under the Spanish rule for more or less 300 years, so the filipinos had been exposed to mestizas or eurasians way before miscegenation or multiculturalism became a trend. The Spanish had been mixing with the filipinos which are mostly of malay descent and the ethnic chinese. While majority of filipinos are browned skinned, if you see a light-skinned filipino, then he/she probably has, either spanish or chinese ancestry albeit being born to filipino parents. Even a dark skinned filipino couple can have a light-skinned child due to the long history of mixing. The mestizas in the Philippines have that western features that many people find attractive. And since most half-white babies look like these mestizas, filipinos often perceive that half-white babies are beautiful. I personally prefer morena (brown-skinned) or chinita (filipino slang for someone who has eyes like the chinese) beauties than mestizas.
As for point 4, well that’s just what I heard from other filipinas. But then again, closed-minded, open-minded, rude or respectful individuals exist everywhere so I don’t think that white men are more this or that. I have nothing against white men or any foreign men in particular, I just find it absurd when other people (esp. white men) say that asian women prefer them because asian men are short, geeky, etc. Seriously, why would they hate asian men, the other half that formed the asian women they desire? I also find it annoying when a man would prefer an asian woman just because of the so-called submissive stereotype. He should just invent a time machine and transport himself back to the Victorian Era. Lol!
And as for these opinionated comments, just laugh it off. People will always have differing opinions which makes the world that we live in a lot more exciting. Your welcome and have a nice day
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I am happy to say I am in love with an Asian girl purely because of the person she is. we can tell each other anything and we love each others company. When I look at her I don’t even notice she is Asian but I see a lovely person. My family and friends except her because they see how happy she makes me. I feel so lucky to have her in my life.
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That is so nice to hear, Bob. Such beautiful words. If you said all of them to her, I think she will be a very happy girl. Good on you and thanks for stopping by.
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Hi again,
I am very saddened to have to choose between my friends and my partner. I get comments from people who have been close to me over the years that “am I really still with her” pretty safe to say they are not my friends anymore. Nothing will ever stop me from loving my beautiful girl. I really feel there is a lot to learn from both cultures. I attend functions which I am the only white guy and we quite often get segregated. Luckily for us this does not affect us. Just makes me more determined to mingle with the group. You can always tell when people are talking about you even when they speak another language. Little do they know I have learnt a few key words and to there utter surprise I reply. Looks on there faces is gold.
From my experiences love conquers all and there is nothing that can break that bond. When you are lucky enough to be granted that from another person you should cherish it.
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This story is really nice to read because two people (two souls) love each other unconditionally. You don’t need to read anything else into this realtionship or try to physicoanalyse or debate anything as it is what it is pure love!
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Why isn’t it just as normal to see Asian guys with white girls?
Why doesn’t white girls go for Asian guys or why doesn’t Asian guys go for white girls?
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Firstly mostly of these posts seem to be based solely on working out the mystery behind the ‘Asian female and White male relationship’ so I’m not sure if I can comment on anything else.
Anyway this is worth having a look at-
http://howibecametexan.com/2013/09/11/amwf-relationships-the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly-asian-male-white-female-couples
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Thanks for the link. I’ll check it out later (I’m at work now). Since I’m living in a multicultural relationship myself, I find these things very interesting.
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Thanks for sharing the article. It provides an interesting insight into the Asian-guy-white-girl relationship.
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That is hard to explain. One possibility could be because Caucasians reckon Asian guys are meek (due to lack of and negative portrayal of Asians in Western media) and that is a feature the former dislike. Another reason could be because of tradition. There are a number of Asian guys our there who value family and prefer a partner who is quiet or obedient, or polite. Caucasian women tend to be a bit more open-minded than many Asian women (think sex, partying, marriage) and maybe this is a turn off for a lot of Asian guys.
The article pointsoffyou shared is an interesting one. Worth a read.
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Just downloaded and saw ‘Seeking Asian Female’ now. It was a really interesting documentary and it made me think about their story and wonder about how they are today. Cultural differences can be problematic, but every relationship has difficulties – even the mono-cultural ones.
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So true. At the end of the day, a relationship is a relationship with its ups and downs. Our values and choices usually determine if relationships last the test of time.
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Relationships require effort and much understanding to make them work, regardless of race. Although I am white (I don’t care for the phrase Caucasian), I grew up in South East Asia and shared my classroom with people from the Orient, from Indonesia, from West Irian and from the Netherlands. I quickly understood that discrimination is a political understanding, because I had to work hard to keep up with the other “colors” to keep my grades. White was definitely not superior in the eyes of this teenager.
Circumstances forced my family to move back to the Netherlands and I despised that cold grey climate. I had lost my paradise.
Through many career changes and life style choices I was able to live a wonderful life in Europe and in the USA, and had very good relationships with women from different colors and backgrounds.
Recently the urge to find my paradise made me look for a place to settle again in South East Asia.
I discovered and got acquainted with a well educated lady in Vietnam with a wonderful character (Buddhism does work wonders for some people), but as she spoke not a word of English or French, our communication was very difficult and incomplete. And is was the very reason I gave up pursuing this excellent lady. Love did not conquer all barriers in my case.
Later on I traveled through the Philippines and fell head of heels in love with a Filipina lady. We speak the same English language, she is beautiful and smart, she is caring and she is my ticket to paradise, while I am her ticket to a better life. We both understand that and our love is strong because of what we know and need, it is strong because of the clarity we give each other. There is an adoration and attraction but it is much deeper than the appearance. We live a wonderful life…..in the Philippines.
Frans
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This was an interesting post to read because you are bring up something which isn’t talked about much here because you mention growing up in South East Asia which means that you have a different view on things from say a ‘White’ persons view from America or Europe.
Personally, I think the terms ‘White’ and ‘Asian’ are not equal. One denotes the color/colour of someones skin and the other denotes where someone comes from a geographical location or descended from a geographical location. Does the ‘White’ person from Auckland, Vladivostok, San Diego, Johannesburg or Paris all think and act the same?? I don’t think they do and yet society labels them purely on the basis of their skin tone, which I think is wrong.
Another thing which doesn’t seem to be mentioned much here is how second or third generation Asians living in America, Australia… deal with mixed relationships. I don’t think they have the same issues that first generation Asians or Asians living in Asia have to deal with.
Enjoy the Philippines!
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Thanks for sharing, F. Seems like you’ve been around very diverse people your whole life and your experiences in Asia has opened your eyes to how some Asians think and act – which can be helpful in getting along with them. Sorry that your relationship didn’t work out with the lovely Vietnamese lady. It can be awkward not speaking a common language with another person, and there can be many uncomfortable silences between both parties. In the context of inter-racial relationships, it’s hard to explain your culture and traditions to the other if you can’t simply talk.
Very happy for you to have found a great lady in the Philippines. “…she is my ticket to paradise, while I am her ticket to a better life.” Some may frown at this, but as you’ve prattled on a bit, it sounds like this is not the only basis for your relationship – it’s just one part of it. Maybe this is a common thing among a number of Asian-girl-white-guy-relationship, and we should learn to accept this perspective. Thanks for stopping by.
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I’ll throw this out for the LOL effect, but some truth:
Blond white girls used to be “in,” but the stereotype was “dumb,” and they generally sought the athletic jock leaving out the nice, smart Caucasian boys. Now Asian girls are “in” and they seek out the nice smart Caucasian boys. So, we treat them to the high standards they expect and are rewarded. (Ha, ha to the blonds: you are 2nd now.)
Personally, I think Asian guys never appreciated Asian girls and knew how fortunate they were.
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That is a very interesting proposition, JimB. Using this idea, it’s hard to see where Asian guys fit in. Maybe Asian guys have been lusting after starting a family all the time and that’s not Asian girls want. But with that said, I’m sure many of them aren’t obsessively like that and appreciated by decent girls. Although the world is a small place, there are a lot of us living in it. Many fish in the sea 🙂
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Maybe JimB you should have a look at-
http://jezebel.com/5901327/why-asian-women-date-white-men
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Wow! I’m impressed by your perceptiveness seeing that.
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Thanks for reading Hazel Eyes. It’s amazing how much that is positive can be conveyed just by meeting someone’s eyes.
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🙂
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Very interesting read. I had no idea this was a spotlighted racial relationship or phenomenon, but everything you said makes sense. I don’t believe there is a single foundation though, that will differ from couple to couple. Let me take this opportunity to rant a bit and share my story.
These days, with the popularity of anime or Asian culture in general, perhaps the appeal for some Caucasian men is the “geeky” side of them that grew up with an interest in Asian culture/anime/Samurai movies etc. In fact, if that should appeal to anyone, it would be me since I have a few shelves full of Anime and Jidai-Geki, I grew up training in Asian martial arts, I drive Asian sporty cars (modified Celica/Supra) etc. But in fact, it’s been quite the opposite for me. Sure I have that “geeky” side to me, but it hasn’t resulted in a special heightened attraction to Asian women.
I think all of the girlfriends I had growing up were Caucasian, and at one point I actually thought it was because maybe I had a thing for cute blondes (talk about a stereotype! Ha!). But thinking about it now, I can see how that is not the case at all. And not just because I have also dated at least two brunettes (lol), rather, there was always something else. Something very specific! The foundation of all my relationships has been having a common interest, speaking a similar love language, and being compatible for starting/sharing/living a life vision out together. That has always been what I’ve sought after.
Now very recently, I have fallen head over heels for an Asian girl who fits that bill seemingly perfectly. I can’t give much details since it’s only been within the past week that I’ve decided that I need to ask this girl out ASAP (assuming the moment is just right… I have a hopeless romantic side that’s all about that, lol). But it is interesting to note that even in this past week I’ve felt a certain level of “yellow fever” that I haven’t felt in the past (albeit because I’m in that stage where everything, no matter how small, reminds me of her). But my attraction is purely based on how beautiful of a soul she is. In my eyes she is literally one of the most amazing people I have ever met and some of her deepest aspirations are things I either also hold dear or would be very excited to see her achieve.
Now, let me stop myself before I get too off topic, but the point is, I think it really is different for everyone. There may be tendencies for a certain kind of personality type or because of how someone was raised (or a combination of both), but even so, sometimes it can be just because you genuinely fall in love with that person. Like with me, I honestly think my personality and upbringing would make me fall into the white guys stereotype for dating Asian women, but I have never been like that. The girl I’ve fallen for now, perhaps it’s just a “bonus” that she happens to be very pretty and Asian! But in any case, if she’s open to being more than just the friends we’re becoming, I think with my background I would be one of the most respectful and tolerant Caucasians when it comes to cultural differences. And that’s got to count for something, right? 🙂
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Hi Luc! Thank so much for sharing your story and comment. It was a very interesting read. You definitely bring out a very important point when you say ,”it really is different for everyone” in terms of Asian-girl-white-guy and interracial relationships. As you’ve mentioned, upbringing, personality and experiences with other races are all factors that can contribute one way or another.
Not every Caucasian guy that likes/loves an Asian girl has “yellow-fever”, and not every Asian girl that likes a Caucasian guy has “white-fever”. I guess you’ll attribute these terms to the respective parties if they have a genuine fetish-obsession with a certain racial/sexual trait of the other race. If you’re simply interested in person’s culture or find a certain trait attractive because of a particular reason, then I don’t think this is an unhealthy obsession at all, and in fact is quite normal.
Sounds like you know what you want in a partner, and it’s not all about race but character, personality and values. You seem confident so good on you. Hope you find a time to ask her out, or maybe start small and have a chat with her and take things from there. All the best and good luck 🙂
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The first woman I fell in LOVE with was an Asian. It was one big accident, as love is, though I have yet to feel that way about anyone again, a year or so after our breakup… I’m in my early 20s and have been with all manner of races and backgrounds. I was raised in a multicultural western country with lost of different friends and my background is varied as well. Mapping my family tree was a highlight in my late teens, and I never thought about where my descendants were from until one lad in uni spotted the colour in me, from there I explored festivals tied to my culture, decided I wanted to learn a language tied to my blood, and so on…
My interest in Asian women only became a thing for me after I lost my first LOVE and considered young marriage and children with her. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I am extremely ambitious and would like to learn at least 2 languages, that I hope to pass onto my children, for their benefit. I’ve met sluts and bitches, who happened to be Asian, just as much as other races. It’s not a big deal, though…
Funny, I had a Chinese female friend, who I never hit on, and she slept around with her fair share of western guys prior to meeting me, which she was proud to tell me. Her favourite relationship, was with a western-born Chinese guy, as they shared many things in their culture. Her bf at the time of realisation was a western loser who didn’t appreciate anything from her culture.
Now…
If I as a person FEEL that a woman from a certain culture will give my children qualities that I find beautiful. Go ahead scorn me! Look at the western divorce rate, look at broken families, something I’m a product of! This scares the living shit out of me, I do not want my children to go through what I did. If two people have mutual respect for one another’s culture, interests, language barriers and so on, then they have a hell of a lot to push through a life partnership then most people. I enjoy having direction in my life, it gives me focus, but I also want my children to have a culture to identify with.
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Love always hits you when you least expect it, I suppose. It sounded like you had a meaningful relationship with a female of Asian background. Sorry to hear that it didn’t work out. Interesting that your bring up the subject of children. It’s always good to get to know your partner’s language and culture not just to understand better, but so that your (future) children will be able share in this as well – both languages and culture will evidently be a part of them. Without a culture to identify with, I suppose we will be forever questioning where are we from.
We’re all entitled to pick and fall in love with a someone for our own reasons. I often wonder if many of those who fall in love with someone of another race think of children early on in their relationship, and what culture or languages should their children learn, or side with.
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Horrible article.
Here >>>
The idea of Orientalism offers an explanation as to why the latter type of relationship exists. According to Professor Edward Said, Orientalism is a system of thought in which the West think of themselves as superior over the East in terms of economic and social development, fostering unequal power relations.
<<<>>>
As the documentary Seeking Asian Female shows, there are cashed-up, “yellow fever” white men out there who splash out on so-called instant “mail order Asian brides”
<<<<>>
Then there are Asian girls and Caucasian guys who are sincerely in love with each other. The well-traveled, well-educated Gen-Y individuals appear to be more receptive towards stepping into this kind of relationship. Take for instance this couple: Beijing girl Hannah and Australian guy Alex meet in China, help one another speak the other’s language, come to accept their cultural differences with an open-mind and today reside loved-up in Sydney.
<<<<< So the "exotic difference" factor (see the terms you defined in your second paragraph) always leads to superficial relationships? And the ones who are really in love try to speak the other's language and accept their cultural distances? Can there never by couples attracted by exotic differences who love one another? And where is the proof that Hannah and Alex weren't initially attracted to each other by exotic differences?
Basically, where is the proof in general for anything you're saying? It just seems like a lot of sweeping generalizations. Hannah and Alex are the "good" kind of couple…presumably because they're in love and they try. But isn't this kind of tautological? And wasn't there a certain amount of trying and affection between the two in Seeking Asian Female? It seems like that doesn't count…just because you say it doesn't.
I was waiting for you to get somewhere and fulfill the promise of "Understanding The Asian-Girl-White-Guy Relationship"…and then your article just ended. Are you a 15 year-old? Was this a homework assignment that you did on the bus on the way to school?
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This wasn’t an article fleshing out the facts of the Asian-girl-white-guy relationship. Rather, it was an article looking at the possible reasons why these couples exists. I don’t have all the answers in the world. I only know so much and welcome others to share their thoughts on this topic here in the comments section – and others have very nicely contributed a wide range of agreeing and disagreeing opinions on this topic.
Moreover, every relationship is different, comprising different cultures, perspectives, personalities and dynamics. Each couple will try to make their relationship work for different reasons. And for all you know, looking “exotic” can be a factor in why some are attracted to each other in the first place. It can lead to a conversation and maybe a date. Maybe more.
No, this wasn’t a homework assignment. I am not a relationship guru and as I mentioned, don’t have all the answers in the world. I don’t think any of us do and the least we can do is listen and learn from one another.
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I agree that the introduction to this post isn’t great but I would also add that I’ve seen a bias in some of the posts and the replies here. It’s difficult to pin point down but it’s certainly there and that’s disappointing. What I would like to see is some kind of update to all of this in the intro and what the author has learn’t(learned) from all the posts so far.
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Media def advocates for the AWWM combo as well, like Last Samurai, Pacific Rim, Wolverine movie, etc.
And as an Asian American who has lived in both sides of the planet, I’d say that it’s not just White Men who have fetish for Asian girls, but Asian girls having fetish for White men as well – not just being taller or athletic, but their culture. An Asian with western influence and perfect English makes you more desirable in Asia, period.
Either way, it probably sucks most being Asian men at this point in time, as our female equivalents are the most desirable, while us being the least. Nevertheless there’s no point complaining over things we can’t control, just gotta work harder!
I just hope White men don’t take advantage of Asian women and dump them when their fetish phase is over. My cousins that have married White men all ended in divorce and have miserable lives. THAT is not okay.
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You’re right in that the media is increasingly portraying the Asian-girl-white-girl coupling these days, and those movies are great examples. Not too sure if the producers put them in the stories as just another genuine, madly-in-love couple(s)…or for the purpose of having an exotic coupling on-screen. Race is so much more than “exotic”.
I suppose if you are fluent in English and are educated, naturally you’ll be able to get along with quite a number of people – you can hold a decent conversation wit them. The more comfortable we are with ourselves, the more likely we will come across as approachable and attractive to others no matter their race.
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Hey Mabel, I’m really glad I stumbled on your blog while goofing around on the Internet. Again, this is another interesting read that also hits close to home. I will be truthful and admit that I was one of those Asian girls who was not interested in Asian guys. I wasn’t a very down to earth or mature adolescent, so my perceptions were perpetuated by the media and good old stereotypes. Growing up in a predominately white suburban neighborhood only pushed me towards white males. Anyway, I was exposed to SO MANY Asian and Asian American guys during college. Combine that with listening to my male Asian friends rant about how white guys were “stealing” Asian girls really shed some light on this, situation. I suppose I never understood how bad it was for Asian guys until my male friends would say, “Oh, I bet you’re into white guys, right?” That was a big blow.
I would like to shed my two cents on this topic of interest since I am an Asian American female. One, I think the different standards of beauty need to be established here. In Western culture, masculine features are revered whereas in Asia (China, Korea, Taiwan, Japan), Asian males tend to look a little less masculine (pale skin, tendency to not work out as often, etc). So, and I cannot speak for all Asian American girls out there, but I am not really too attracted to that look. Second, the media portrays Asian males in an unfavorable light (nerdy, weak, socially awkward) and while that can be true, it’s NOT fair to generalize an entire race to act in that manner. So yes, the media is accountable for a lot of the blame here. Third, and of course I can’t speak for ALL Asian girls, but we need to start respecting ourselves, and our male counterparts. I don’t know what it’s like to be seen as undesirable, but listening to all these negative stereotypes all the time sheds a little light into the world Asian guys were born into. Hearing all the crap really puts you down after a while. When I mean respect, I mean we have to appreciate what we’re born with. There are so many times when I hear my Asian friends moan about being short, lack of cleavage, smaller eyes, and the list goes on. When you start losing confidence in yourself, it makes it so much easier for others to pick on you. And that is not and never will be okay. Also, Asian girls need to stop saying things like, “I ONLY date white guys.” I understood everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but that is racist because you flat out refuse to date any Asian guys (and no, they aren’t one big homogenous group).
I’m sorry for this gigantic comment. I’m sure people will call me hypocritical or will critique me, but both Asian males and females need to realize what they can do in order to lessen this topic of “controversy.” I feel very bad that it took me 19 years to stop fetishizing white guys and to love my male counterparts.
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This Asian-girl-white-guy-relationship is a very interesting topic, isn’t it? You have a very interesting story and perspective on this kind of relationships, thanks so much for sharing. You’re right. An increasing number of Asian guys are into looking “feminine” yet exuding masculinity in their behaviour or speech, and if you have lived in the West most of your life, then you might find this unsettling. It’s just not something that has caught on in the West yet. Maybe that’s why some Asian girls brought up in the west are inclined to look for a Caucasian suitor.
Like you, I do hope one day there is less hoo-ha around this topic. I guess this will happen when we all come to realise that not everyone fits the typical stereotype and are open to finding a partner of any race. Any Asian girl who says that she only dates white guys: don’t think she might necessarily be racist. Perhaps she hasn’t been around Asian guys much and just isn’t comfortable around them. Or maybe she hasn’t yet discovered the roots of Asian culture. Again, it’s important to have an open mind and look past looks and stereotypes.
Thanks for stopping by, reading and commenting, Elena. I really appreciate it 🙂
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I don’t know why people just dance around the real reasons why there are so many WM/AF couples and why so many Asian women even refuse to date Asian men and to some extent non-White men.
White men control the world. I’m not a racist. I am an Asian guy who lives in Toronto. One of the most diverse cities you will find in the developed world. They are the superstar athletes, the movie stars, the rock and pop stars, the famed poets and authors, the builders and the philosophers, the doctors and inventors that shape the world into what it is today. The world has been on the march towards a very eurocentric ideal.
It’s not really good or bad in an objective sense. Might makes right. If the world wants to evolve that way then democratically it will evolve that way. But there will be victims and victors. It’s not exactly a victimless affair. Regarding sex and marriage and especially interracial marriage, Asian males are certainly losing out on that end. Why? White males have a built in advantage in that they are sort of the ‘default’ race, while non-Whites are ‘the other’. They are the strong while the others are the underdogs.
In my head when I think about it I think that Asian women are doing the right thing when they choose white males. Their children would inherit more white genes which are considered more attractive than asian genes. They would have more chance of success. Perhaps they will be taller, maybe some lucky ones will have blue or green eyes and a beautiful complexion. The men perhaps will be bigger and stronger and the women with longer legs and a beautiful face with big bright eyes.
BUT…as an Asian man I know that that sort of decision hurts me. Not just personally but it hurts my whole gender and species within my race. When people see so many Asian women with white guys and hear about how Asian women prefer white guys it pushes Asian men down. I just think about all my ancestors, all the men living in Asia, my male relatives, my nephews and male cousins-how it affects that. That kind of hurts.
But that is the way of the world. I don’t want to hear about love and acceptance attributed to AF/WM relationships however. What have they accepted exactly? That they both hate Asian males? That Asians are inferior? Their relationship does not exist in a vacuum. Many things have happened to create these types of relationships. Many of which are not the things i think about when I think about ‘Love’. I think love is basically dead. Something else has taken it’s place. It’s not right or wrong whatever it is. Things just evolve.
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You bring up a very good point there in that white men do dominate our world, and in many contexts as you mentioned. Caucasian males get more time in the spotlight, or get overlooked, compared to Asian males especially in the western world. It’s the case here in Australia too. Who doesn’t like to look at the winners and those in the spotlight. Most of us do.
I wouldn’t say that Asian women are doing the right thing by getting together with Caucasian males, nor is it a wrong thing. But rather it’s a choice that they make…maybe a choice influenced by the status quo, unfortunately. Perhaps you’re right, maybe that’s the way the world is. Are Asians really inferior? Only if we Asians think so.
On Asian women preferring white men: I do see quite a bit of this in Australia. Chatting with Asians females living in Asia or who have lived in Asia most of their lives, most of them said to me that they wouldn’t think of going out with Caucasian men – mainly because they think the latter is “big and scary” and they just prefer “Asian guys”. So I guess there are Asian females out there who are solely into Asian guys. It just depends where you are and where you look, I suppose.
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Bit of a sweeping state there – ‘White men control the world. I’m not a racist.’ but I’m not too found of the reply ‘You bring up a very good point there in that white men do dominate our world’.
‘White males have a built in advantage in that they are sort of the ‘default’ race, while non-Whites are ‘the other’.
I’m not racist BUT….. would have been the line to use there.
History is something which we can’t change including colonialism which I believe reinforces this view that you have of white people. I’m glad that we are changing as a society within the world but it’s sad to see old world views being held here.
What are you going to do about this in a positive light? Does it really bother you that you see Asian women with White males? If you went out with someone from a different ethnic race as you would it bother you and would it bother your family or friends? Trust me I’ve seen a lot of my own race with people of other nationalities and I am happy for them. Ask yourself how many of those relationships move into marriage or last beyond six months? What barriers to they have to happiness and love? This is something which is rarely mentioned or discussed here.
When you look at a country like Canada which is mixed in terms of population then mixed relationships are going to happen, fact. They often have even more problems than relationships within ones own race.
State facts, state views, state opinons but offer solutions.
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I was atracted to my Viet GF by her face,body,personality,style,work ethic,generosity,,,her passion…no different to someone liking a woman with long legs,blonde hair and big boobs…too much is being made over this ‘Asian Obsession’ thing…i think it’s just an excuse used by white women…jealousy? White women could learn a lot off Asian women…Asian women don’t want to get drunk,be loud,be in charge,or fight…Asian women just enjoy being women…and no,I’m not ‘The Boss’ in our relationship…I feel no need to dominate over my GF…she does everything for me,coz she loves me…coz she wants to please me…and I’ll love her whether she does those things or not…I love her for who she is,not what she does for me…I have a mother…I don’t need another…I need and want her…a woman who satisfies my every need…it’s not 50/50….we both give 100%….
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That sounds like a good relationship you’re in. I’m happy for you. Asian women can be more conservative than some Caucasian women (sometimes it’s the other way round too, what a strange world we live in). No matter what race our partner is, both of you should be fully committed to a relationship and it’s very nice to see that you do that. Good on you.
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Male and female attraction take to a natural point. Reproduction.
You talk about couples but I put my eyes beyond, do people think about a mix raced kid ? do we know how they feel to be on the border of two races ?
Are couples ready to handle it or just think to themselves dating a person ? , how selfish a person can be.
Even in same race couples the relation need a great balance and right mix or kid will have problems.
You know what the power of mind means ?, even cooking in a good or bad mood influence the foods, the mental acceptation and environmental condition affect the psychological evolution of human beings.
Parents should be responsible.
You know who you are getting involved with ? Heritage, family, life style, psychological life approach ? Being a couple is not a joke.
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“Being a couple is not a joke.” That is so true, Eddy. Being a couple, getting married and then starting a family, that’s a lot of responsibilities. Raising a child is a big responsibility. A mixed race child is still a child…but with two ancestries. Not all couples – inter-racial couple or not – want a family. Seems that many do, though. It’s important that heritage and history don’t get lost and forgotten in the union of two people each of a different race. Good point you bring up there, thanks for sharing.
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This is the perspective from an Asian American male in response to an Asian girl that doesn’t find Asian men attractive.
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Thanks so much for sharing, CA. I really appreciate it, and thanks for stopping by.
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As an asian guy I used to get so jealous at the sight of asian girl/caucasian guy couples, but after years of anger I came to grips with the truth: the sight of it actually turned me on. I guess I understand the attraction because if I could, I would try and date caucasian women, too.
Still, it is really hot to see some well-hung caucasian stud splitting a little asian girl in half. I pay to watch this live and understand why people are so attracted to this.
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The attraction between Asian-girl-Caucasian-guy couples is a complex thing…and every relationship is different, different in terms of attraction reasons, foundation, age and so on.
Interesting to hear you admit the sight of such a couple turned you on. You know what? Maybe most of us are turned on by this kind of couple…and maybe all other couples out there in general. There’s always so much interest in the topic of love, intimacy and relationships. After all, as the saying and song goes, love makes the world go round.
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Hi Mabel…thanks for your reply.very nice of you.i do find it interesting reading peoples thoughts on the Asian Girl/White Guy relationships.though I find a lot of stereotyping going on..every relationship is different..others shouldn’t just assume why 2 people are together…my GF and I each bring something to the relationship that we were both looking for…most important being friendship..appreciation..that came first…then love..closeness…passion…when ‘life’ gets in the way,I always come back to those things that first brought us together…look forward to reading more…see ya 🙂
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I reckon the stereotyping for Asian-girl-white-guy relationships still stems from the fact that Caucasians are seen as “upper class” in the eyes of some cultures today.
You are so right in that we shouldn’t judge and make assumptions about couples unless we know them personally. And sometimes we really shouldn’t pry into other couples’ lives as it’s their business and not our business. If they are happy, then they are happy and we shouldn’t bring them down. Sounds like you are in a good relationship, good luck 🙂
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Hi
I hope you are still actively relying to messages on here…
I am currently in the midst of dating a man I met online who happens to be from Australia…we like each other a lot and will be meeting soon. I honestly think I love him on some level.
He’s very well-read and open minded but as of recently I find he is rather close minded about certain ethnic groups. He doesn’t dislike them but he’s made off color comments.
Recently, he basically admitted he believes in the stereotype about asian drivers. I’ve taken a big issue with this…he thinks my reaction is hilarious and says there are facts to back it up. He then goes on to say its not racist to say one great is not the greatest at anything. Like he’ll say most russians are drunks, etc…
We got into a heated discussion about the portrayal of asians in film (he says studios have a right to choose whoever they think is marketable, even if its at the cost of asian stereotyping)
He says I need to accept we have differing opinions which I’m struggling with. He’s interested in learning about my culture yet there’s this obstacle.
Am I settling for less if he represents opposing views that are rooted in my identity?
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I am very sorry to hear of your situation, I hope everything will turn out okay for you in the end. Our identity is our identity and if we stick to certain stereotypes or oppose them, we shouldn’t be less proud of ourselves. We’re all different.
Your friend there seems to have some valid points. At the end of the day, we should learn to respect the fact that there are stereotypes out there, and also come to learn that stereotypes don’t exist all the time too.
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I caught an interview on news radio of the woman who launched the documentary. Fascinating. She sounded so bright and interesting, not to mention compassionate. I never got cross-cultural relationships where the language difference was so obviously a barrier. But hey, many people do relationships more for the physical attraction than I have (not that that did not matter to me). And there are many women in Asia looking for a better life bc it’s just so difficult $ in their towns or villages.
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That is so true, that there are some inter-racial relationships where the attraction is physical a lot of the time. It doesn’t bother me either. If two people of different races find themselves in such a relationship and if they are happy, then they are happy. It would be interesting if director Debbie Lum launches a follow up documentary to Seeking Asian Female.
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As an asian american girl why so many people ask this question? Why does this have to be analyzed to come up with a reason. Ever think I have a white boyfriend because I want to or because he is handsome and make me happy. Only white girls complain about this, they seem to hate these men and also want no other girls to like them either, really strange. Also maybe white guys like asian girls because we make them happy and whats wrong with that? White girls if you make men hate you why should you get mad when other girls love these guys?
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I suppose if two people together are happy at the end of the day, that’s what matters. There are certain dynamics that make certain relationships tick – and somehow all of us are very interested in love and relationships. So maybe that’s why the question of why Asian girls go out with white guys and vice-versa keeps coming up.
Then again, quite a number of us in this world are judgemental towards certain races for one reason or another (be it ignorance, lack of education etc.). It’s time we all be more open-minded and we’re all free to love who we want to.
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Classic post. All 100% true yet I notice some comments think you are off base. (I’m a white non religious Jew from New York, my wife is Canadian Chinese) Probably those white guys not married into Asian culture. We are always grossed out whenever we see creepy old fat slob American guys with their Thai prize wives at airports but understand it’s to get them out of poverty.
Also, European culture teaches NOTHING about all the thousands of years that Chinese culture was far superior to Western culture so you have to expect white guys from the west to have no clue. I was never exposed to anything about Eastern history except the little dumb things. This is intentional. The elites in the western world want it that way. Too bad the American empire is already being trumped by Asia, financially speaking anyway. We are retiring early and moving to Malaysia next year to be closer to the wave of the 21st century which is in the East, not the west.
I’m impressed that you have the balls to tell everyone the reasons why Asians are the way they are; my wife would never let on her cultural secrets and will probably think your blog is questionable but I love it. Kudos to you
If you want to know our story, please check our about page at http://www.experimentalexpats.com
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Have to agree with you there that in some Western countries and educational systems Chinese or Asian culture is hardly mentioned, and each culture certainly has its strengths. The two of you come across as very interesting cross-cultural couple that embraces each others cultures. I’ve had a brief skim of your story on your blog but I want to have a better read of it, so I will be back!
This world is a bit of a weird place. There are stereotypes and there are not – so why not just say things as it is…or how I perceive them and let others chime into the conversation so we can all learn something.
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Hi mabel
Spoken like a true American. Oh yeah you are not american. Lol. This country is actually much different than you see in TV. Many americans are outspoken and say what they like. And that is almost guaranteed to offend someone else regrdless of the amount of truth in the statement. Political correctness is an obsession here and almost all americans are to brainwashed by the media to have open minds. The exveptions are the kinds of people that have traveled and lived eksewhere. In orher words readers of an expat blog like yourself. Sadly most americans are not interested in learning amd even sadder; the government wants it that way ; in fact its required in order to fight a never ending war on the entire muslim world. Yes i kniw this sounds cynical but it is factual and thats why most of my folliwers are from outside the USA. Anyway i admire and love your open attitudes. The USA could learn a lot from your blog if they only were willing. Another example is the FOB comedy coming next month. Its easy and fun to poke fun at new immigrants rather than acknowledege that asians and indians are the only americans that excel at anything scholastic. But the TV audience is mostly ignorant rednecks who have no asian friends and hollywood knows this so they just show them as “chinkie” and to br laughed at. Sad nation. But of course cross cultural couples ans yourself know the real deal so we just laugh along withrhe dumbasses
Have a great weekend !!!!
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It will be interesting to see how the Fresh of the Boat show pans out, and I wonder if they will touch upon inter-cultural romantic relationships. Probably not, since it looks like it will focus on migration and adjusting to living in America.
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and yes people have physicly and emotionaly hurt me becase of my autic hypre focus on math.
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I have been in a relationship now for 6 years with my lovely feisty Asian Chinese Lady 14 years younger and I find it difficult at times simply because I like to do household chores and cook etc. and spoil my partner and share the duties of the household. I am not used to watching my partner do it all. For instance I might clean, vacuum ,wash and iron and be berated as it would not be up to my best girls
standards. Mind you I served 10 years in the defense force and I think I passed the test pretty well for the standards required in the services. I am a believer in sharing responsibilities. No person should think they have the right to dominate, humiliate or expect a women to be their lover, mother, maid or plaything to be available for their every need. That’s what your mother did when we were children growing up. A lot of guys still think, find a good Asian women and to carry on where mum left off. So they pursue Asian ladies who will surely look after their needs, its a two way street guys. Equal rights,
been around for awhile now, the guys who think that its their right to be dominating over a women should rethink their situation, your lady needs pampering to.
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You have a very lucky lady there, she sounds very doting and actively looks out for your well-being. Nice to hear that you make the effort to pitch in to do the household chores as well – very respectful. I am sure she appreciates it. There are still quite a number of Chinese women these days who have a hard work ethic and put family first, and that includes cleaning and vacuuming as often as possible. But it is a bit unfortunate there are some guys out there who abuse this and don’t think too much about equal rights.
Perhaps have a chat with your wife about sharing responsibilities and she might be inclined to take a break.
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Asian American Male here and I want to say that I used to get jealous, envious, upset, and even angry at myself over the whole Asian Female/White Male coupling until I realize the numbers. The Asian continent has roughly 4.3 billion people and let’s cut that in half for a 50/50 split between men and women. There 2.15 billion women in Asia right now. The number of Asian females who are getting with white men is small compared to this growing number. Yes, there are socioeconomic advantages to marrying into white culture, but looking at the whole picture, this is only a small occurrence… I also wanted to point out there are Chinese people EVERYWHERE in the world; USA, Canada, Mexico, Brazil, Argentina, Spain, England, Dubai, Turkey, Russia….. If anything, the Chinese were smart to deploy their women to infiltrate white culture, not the the other way around as noted above. China holds the money of the world now, we’ll see how things are in the next few generations….
*I only wrote this for comical reasons. Please don’t take it too seriously.
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Very interesting observation, Sean. There are certainly Chinese, Asian people, living all around the world. And all kinds of couples all around the world. Some marry certain partners to climb up the socioeconomic ladder, some don’t. It will be indeed interesting to see what happens in the coming years since many of us are becoming more educated and affluent.
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I am a white man, who has been married now for 13 years to my wife. My Asian wife is 4 years younger than me, and I meet her through a religious based website for single adults. I wanted a romantic relationship, but I would have been contented with a pen pal. As a young adult man, I was into the club scene and I lived with 2 of my good friends. The girls that would come over to where I lived and the girls I met in clubs just didn’t seem to be the relationship types. There were times I may have made unfair assessments, but I didn’t have long term goals in mind when I met most of these ladies. I wanted to change my course in life and do some maturing, so I later added religion to my life. To be more successful in changing habits and activists, I knew I need to give up most of my friends and peers. I met my wife on a internet website at a time, I wanted to establish new relationships. I would have liked to find love ,but had no plans of traveling out of the country. Never heard of mail order brides up till the first time I visited her in her own country. The farthest I been from home by myself, was a popular beach about 6 hours drive from where I lived. After she first wrote me, we seemed to become fast friends. We would email each other sometimes up to 5 times a day before we learned about yahoo messenger. It was a few weeks before we exchanged pictures and maybe a few weeks more till I developed romantic feelings for the girl. Though middle school and high school I had mostly been attracted to white girls. Then there was a girl in my 8th grade class from Thailand. I noticed her cute nose and darker skin, and I thought she was hot and all the other boys did too. Later in high school I found myself attracted to girls of all different races. On a job I had as a young man, most of the girls there were black. I tried dating a few girls there, but it was not a good career move. Some of the guys who were in charge and black were not supportive. I came to think of all women having a beauty, that is different and unique to their race. My first real crush on a girl was an Asian girl though and I never have stopped liking Asian ladies. As far as a submissive, domestic, traditional woman, I can’t seem I had ever meet many and thought it a thing of the past. The Asian girl I meet was very different than any Americanized woman. She had domestic ideals and it took me years to get use to that. When we first got married and she move to the USA to be with me, her traditional house wife ways seemed to be very different than the life I had planned for her. I though she should go make her own friends, have a life outside our marriage. She would cook, clean, give me baths and I wasn’t use to that and felt by letting her do those things I was being cruel to her. I once complained when she wanted to put my deodorant on for me. Since then she has told me that I really hurt her feelings. I didn’t understand her culture enough and though it would never be and issue. I took her away from everyone and everything she’s ever known, and never thought it would be and issue. Me and my Asian lady now have a good thing going. I could always do better but she’s great. I don’t boss her and she don’t boss me. She takes care of me and I take care of her too. One thing I had to do is seriously learn about her culture. We have had to compromise on many things. I think if we did not love each other, we would have separated by now. I would say race and culture is a factor. That’s from a guy that never thought it should be.
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Thanks for sharing your story, Joel. It was an interesting read from your courtship days to where the two of you are now. It does sound like your wife sticks strongly to her cultural beliefs (like going all out to make sure her family is happy and has the best), and good on you for respecting that. We may not believe in each other’s traditions but the least we can do is try to understand them and get along better that way.
Hopefully your wife doesn’t overwork and remembers to have some fun. we all need that. Maybe she has learnt about your culture too and sees your perspective. I sincerely hope the two of you keep your “good thing going” – certainly sounds like a happy relationship you got there.
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I love beautiful women, I happen to date a beautiful asian woman not because I have a fetish but because she is awesome and treats me great. Is she my slave the answer is no, also we like to experience life together and she keeps me growing in my life. I dated women of other backgrounds but by chance met my lady at a social event at work and we keep each other happy. I cook and clean my own stuff and she is my queen not ever my servant and never will she be.
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It sounds like you are in a great relationship with your woman, Aldo. Having activities or hobbies certainly helps in building and strengthening a relationship, and maybe even encourage cultural tolerance in some instances. Very happy for the two of you. Thank you for reading and commenting.
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In general, I think it’s easy for white men to “ignore race” and the imbalance that exists because of it, because they enjoy the privilege that comes with being on top of the race-and-gender food chain. They don’t have to bother thinking about the complexity of race or interracial dating/relationships, because it doesn’t affect them in an obviously negative way.
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Very good point. White privilege still exists emphatically today. It is sad that some inter-racial relationships are biased towards certain ideologies and stereotypes, but that’s the way the world works. And frankly speaking, some are okay with that.
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@miz monkey> In general I think it’s easy for anyone to stereotype with sweeping statements like this. I think this old world view is changing especially in places where different people are mixing and true equality is happening. Being white doesn’t mean what you think it means especially being in a mixed relationship where different customs, language, family, culture…can be barriers to a lasting loving relationship between two people.
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I have never seen even a decent looking Asian. The best looking women are 4 and when they open their month and their materialistic views come out that quickly goes down to 1. But each to its own, if you like a female that completely lacks all of the universal beauty markers: large eyes, light eyes, full lips, big / high cheeks, oval/square face, symmetry, silky skin and instead you get pimmply, overhooded eye, green skinned female with no lips, it is what it is. Hopefully she is not materialistic.
When Asian female mix with a blond guy are simply hideous, nothing short but mongoloid. It is sad that people conduct this kind of experiment where the offspring will suffer forever.
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Thanks, Maya. I appreciate your opinion. At the end of the day, we all have a right to choose who we want to be, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder
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Mabel you are very measured in your response here. I’m sorry to say that Maya’s post is wrong on many levels here.
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Thank you. We all have our own our opinions. Also, at the end of the day, beauty and the kinds of relationships that are important to us are a matter of perspective.
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I think this is a very interesting post.
I, myself am a white guy who is dating an Asian girl (her parents are of Chinese descent, but she is born here). I can see both sides of the argument, in some cases Asian women are objectified by white men and I have had this discussion with my girlfriend. My girlfriend is probably a little more open minded than me (I’ll be the first to admit that) and believes that as long as both parties are happy, then there is no problem. I feel a little uncomfortable around these older guy – young (usually Thai) girls, but I suppose I see the fact that money has been paid and in a way I suppose it’s prostitution – but that’s another argument.
As for our relationship, it has been special for 3 years, we have a house together and plan on having children. I have experienced shallow views towards our relationships, and sadly, in many of the cases it’s from other Asian people – rarely, if ever, white people.
To give you an example, we took a walk through York (a historic city in the UK with a sizable population of Chinese students). Walking hand in hand, my girlfriend commented that she received ‘dirty looks’ from some of these students (who were often couples themselves). She went on to tell me that her sister, who had also married and had children with a white British man had much worse treatment when she first began dating him in the 90’s. She had received abuse from Chinese elders in the street, telling her that she shouldn’t be with a white man, she told me that her sister even had blazing rows with her own mother who wouldn’t accept her relationship with the man because he was white.
I have to say, I was quite surprised at this, as in school, college and throughout my adolescent years, I had been led to believe racism was a one way street – white people being racist against everyone else, but since dating my girlfriend I have realised it is not.
I only hope that things change, and in good time they may well do. The major part of breaking down these barriers is the social stigma of it, and the social barriers. We are one planet of human beings, the merging and mixing of races is perhaps inevitable.
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Very happy for you Max, and your girlfriend. Sounds like a stable relationship the two of you have got going there, best wishes.
I’m sorry to hear the two of you have been on the receiving end of dirty looks from other couples. For many families, cultural values and cultural traditions are sacred. Thus, in the eyes of some marrying outside of the race as you are can be a sign that you’re disrespecting or turning your back on your own culture.
Racism as a two way street. That is an argument that certainly can be applied here. So is self-racism ( think younger Asian women and older Western men relationships), or racism against one’s own race depending on the kind of relationship or treatment you receive when you’re in a intercultural relationship.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing. Appreciate it.
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Thanks for the reply Mabel
I agree, self-racism is also a very worrying thing. It’s something thankfully that my girlfriend has managed to avoid, as her mother has instilled values of pride in herself. We will do the same to our children one day.
I think the cultural and family traditions thing is great, but at the same time, it’s wrong to pass judgement, or assume that they should automatically assume that way of thinking because they were born to a certain community – my girlfriend can’t help who she falls in love with, nor can I.
I hope you don’t mind me asking, but have you encountered this yourself? My assumption is, that you’re from Australia, and knowing that the country is a very mixed bag in terms of different races/nationalities, I’m interested in knowing if it’s more open minded down under?
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So true. Each of us has the option of believing and taking after family customs and traditions, or not. I live in Melbourne, which is located south-eastern of Australia. In the city, it’s normal to see quite a few inter-cultural couples walking around on a regular day. Having been around the state, from personal experience there tends to be less such couples around in the outer suburbs, keeping in mind certain outer suburbs have a higher proportion of a particular race. Depending where you are, there’s mixed emotions about inter-cultural relationships and self-racism.
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You are probably more likely to see mixed couples in the city areas because people often meet at university. I am thinking of the large number of international students in the Capital cities. I met my wife (she is Japanese) in Sydney when she was doing a working holiday in Australia.
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I am in this type of relationship as mentioned. I met my Dutch partner in the Netherlands during my study and I had several relationships or dates with Caucasian and Asian men before I met him. My dating experience told me that relationships based on physical or wants (maybe money) needs won’t last long regardless racial. I find love, good communication and trust are norms to maintain the relationships. Maybe trust, good communication and love will grow after physical attraction if the couple are working on the relationship, but specific needs like financial security will not bring true love..
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Thanks for sharing, Indah. Such wise words about how to have a good and long-lasting relationship. Often, the physical attraction and cultural workings to relationship are just two aspects of a relationship. I think good communication takes time. The two people in a relationship might be shy at first so that might make communication between them hard. But, the more time you spend with someone, often the more comfortable you get with one another, and the relationship often grows from there.
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Interesting post, Mabel, in cross-cultural relationships, with some very engaging comments. My first exposure to an inter cultural marriage is through a class mate of mine in school, going back to 1960s. He had typical Chinese features that led me to my discovery of his mother being Chinese, even though father was an Indian, making for a Sino-Indian parentage. The family remained a closely knit one with five brothers and a sister in all. Yet another 1960s case was that of an Indian engineer going to USA for higher studies and getting married to his American class mate in the university. They are now happily spending retired life in Wisconsin with their children and grandchildren. In the globalised world we are now in, I feel there should be greater intermingling of people of different nationalities and cultures. Be it mono or multicultural, relationships will be successful as long as love, mutual respect and trust are foundational to it, not otherwise. Fostering cross cultural relationships may be one of the keys to world peace, through closer understanding between cultures and religions, regions and countries.
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Thanks for sharing, Raj. It is so interesting to hear there are Indians who are open to intercultural relationships. Still these days, such marriages are still frowned upon in certain cultures who stand by tradition and regard long-held marriage customs and beliefs as sacrosanct.
At the end of the day, as you mentioned, the world is a globalised place. The more we interact with each other with an open mind, the more we learn to respect and tolerate each other for who we are, regardless or race, language or religion.
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Sometimes there’s an element of culture, sometimes it has nothing to do with. Some people are just attracted to different looks.
My (ex) wife, we’ll say she was non-specially but entirely ‘oriental’ in origin for simplicity’s sake, was adopted as a baby by a white European family.
Asian culture played no ‘part’ in our attraction since hers was ex-pat more than anything.
You might infer that we didn’t last so that proves something, and while she didn’t have any cultural ties, everyone expected her to, and this was absolutely a key to her personality, her identity.
I just loved the women I loved wherever their genetic origins came from because I liked the way they were. And I was probably niaive enough not to truly consider the difference in racial appearance or any cultural gaps as being any big issue.
And to be honest, I don’t think it ever was ‘the issue’.
Whatever my past rationships struggled for, whatever the genetic make up or ethnic origins of my partners, and there have been a variety, the ‘issue’ was usually the common denominator, me!
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I think you summed it up very well by saying, “Sometimes there’s an element of culture, sometimes it has nothing to do with.” Supposedly some of us are attracted to (ethnic) origins as it plays a big part in who we are today and who we stand for, sometimes qualities we look for in a partner.
It is interesting to hear others around you expected your ex-wife to have ties to her origins. But good to hear that you didn’t let it bother you.
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Well, I guess I’m referring more to the attractions of a different culture not being particularly important to me, whereas the actual effects of cultural differences in a relationship are another matter. The more different the two cultures the more it matters, mostly in my experience due to the influences and expectations or concerns of others.
Having said that, attitudes towards such things as alcohol, the importance of family and a whole host of ‘everyday’ issues do have an effect on how we behave which can make us appeal more or less to others…
As for my ex-wife, looking different to everyone else brought her a lot of cruel childhood bullying and a whole load of other stuff to deal with, the full effects of which only revealed themselves in the fullness of time.
But back to attraction, I think it’s more down to individual characteristics than culture per se.
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There really is a fine line between cultural values and personality traits influencing who we are, how we think and how we behave at the end of the day.
Expectations of others are another thing altogether, and it’s something we often can’t control.
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I’m white American my wife is okinawan we met at 17 married at 21 just had our 43rd anniversary there was on Asian Fetish or white fever .we met started dating fell in love.we never really had much problems in the states or in Japan
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Very glad to hear that you and your wife are a strong couple after all these years. Love is love.
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I don’t know what I would do without her we do have our ups and downs but love makes it better
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Hi Mabel,
What an engaged community you have; congratulations.
In response to your post. I think it’s wonderful you wrote this to explain to people. However, I am hoping our society is becoming less judgemental.
Thanks for your visit to my site today. I am glad you liked my post about the 71 tips for having a successful blog.
Janice
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I too hope society becomes less judgemental. There is so much beauty in diversity, and I hope one day all of us can accept inter-racial couples.
The pleasure is mine and keep up the good work blogging.
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All the Asian women I have dated recently just plain want to get away from the restrictions of their culture when. It comes to relationships. (I’m talking about women born and raised I China). They simply seem to be seeking someone who will treat them special and not look down on them because they are women. At least that’s what they tell me. I find that Asian women of 2nd generation (westernized) to be no different than white women in their attitudes and outlooks. Clearly I am limited to my experience and do not want to generalize but I find that women from cultures that are repressive towardfs women respond well to western men who have been raised to respect women. On the flip side they are very alluring because they don’t come with the overblown sense of entitlement that western women have which is a major turn off for guys and also a major pain in general, who wants to date a spoiled brat in adult form?
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“women from cultures that are repressive towardfs women respond well to western men who have been raised to respect women.” That is a very interesting observation, and one I do think holds some truth. There are some women from Asian backgrounds out there who have come from very sheltered and protective lifestyles, and who long to experience something they have never experienced before.
To be honest, I think each of us has the right to a choice to be who we are and who or what we prefer in a partner. Then again, I’m also all for respecting our roots.
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Here in Canada the white guy-asian girl is the most popular mixed relationship. I must admit that I’ve seen a little bit too much yellow fever to be entirely comfortable when I see this pairing.
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Thanks for your thoughts, Jayden. As the world gets more globalised, there will be more kinds of relationships everywhere. There must be reasons as to why some have yellow fever and why some do not.
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I must admit that I’m not entirely comfortable with people who are casting aspersions with terms like ‘yellow fever’ whenever they see a mixed relationship between Asian-White. How does this type of relationship affect you in your daily life? I don’t think it really affects you at all.
Banding this term ‘yellow fever’ around is dangerous because it presumes that all Asian-White relationships are based upon this fact which I think is wrong.
If two people love each other totally with respect, trust, understanding and equality… but they happen to be in an Asian-White relationship please do not judge them by using ‘yellow fever’. I’m not saying that this term doesn’t exist but to label them by default is wrong.
Perhaps you need to look into why you are not entirely comfortable when you see this type of pairing.
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Good point that the term yellow fever does not apply to all who are in an Asian-Western relationship pairing. It might to some, but others not. For a relationship to last, there needs to be the qualities you listed, and sometimes more.
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Agreed!
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Thank you for your insight on this issue. I am a white person who has always admired the Oriental cultures and people so your article was informative, thank you for posting the information.
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Thank you for stopping by and reading. Really appreciate it. Each culture in this world is unique. We could all learn from each other.
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I am a Caucasian man who has dated both Western European (white) and Asian women. There are many different reasons why I prefer Asians. In regards to my current Filipino girlfriend, the following are a few brief points:
> There is a STRONG physical attraction between us.
> We value each others skills and love being around each other.
> She likes me because I treat her like a lady and I like her because she treats me like a man.
> We talk about issues and sometimes “agree to disagree” (it is not a competition).
> We are both extremely loyal to and take care of the other.
Someone posted earlier that Asian women are submissive. A (girl) friend from Thailand once explained it to me this way. “Asian women come from different cultures and practice different religions.” “They like the fact that white men are driven yet slightly less aggressive to them than Asian men.” “White men, on the other hand, like the fact that Asian women are driven yet not as confrontational.”
In a nutshell, both parties are sick of the bullshit that they have to deal with when they date people from their own cultures. Its amazing how a little give and take can produce fireworks. In fact, we love each almost to the point of obsession.
Thanks, T.
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Thanks for your input, Terry. Sounds like you and your current partner are level-headed and know what works for you in your relationship and value each other as individuals. Good on both of you.
It is true that many in this world are annoyed by cultural stereotypes associated with each culture when it comes to dating and interracial relationships. Sometimes stereotypes can be true, but sometimes no. At the end of the day, every relationship is unique.
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As a white guy who has dated and been with more Asian girls than white girls, it’s pretty simple. It has nothing to do with the “west considering itself superior” or any of that bs. If anything they are superior to us. They have traditional values, women are still feminine, most of the wealthy guys I went to college with (at one of America’s most expensive schools) were Asian. Almost all of the world’s development and manufacturing is occurring in Asia. There are a lot more available, attractive Asian women in the US than any other demographic. It also isn’t “yellow fever.” I’m attracted to girls of other background too and find white women very attractive, however white women are generally very stuck up and privileged. They also are uber liberal and feminist. They hate men, particularly white men. Asian women on the other hand are intelligent, friendly, keep themselves in good shape, are approachable, and are interested in me too. Therefore that is why I prefer Asian girls.
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Finally someone saying something intelligent about afwm relationships.i have bee with an Asian women over 45 years and been married 44 years I was in her country when we met not looking for an Asian woman in fact neither of us were looking for an interracial relationship I had no feelings about Asians good or bad I did respect them in their country.the date between my wife and I was set up by my friend and his girlfriend after dating for a while something happened that we knew we wanted to be together for ever
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Exactly. All you say is true and my observation too. Basically true beauty and intelligence are not mutually exclusive as with many non-Asian women.
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Interesting to hear of your experience, and it sounds like you have come across your fair share of people from different backgrounds – which is great because the more we meet others, the more we discover what kind of personality we favour and the more confident we are in finding a romantic partner.
Some Asian women I’ve met are inclined to stick with Asian men, or prefer Asian men as their suitors. At the end of the day, each to their own.
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Most Asian women in Asia do go for Asian men which is understandable same culture language very few want to experience different thing
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Very beautifully written and no doubt i will second the mutual respect part ,rather if you see it goes beyond the cultural differences, its even the habits and likes and dislikes which we need to respect .’
Giving a comfort zone to your counter part is vital
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Thanks, Av. So much is possible if we have mutual respect for each other’s habits and the way each of us choose to live our lives, and most importantly the values we choose to keep. No reason why we can’t have a partner of the opposite culture than us if we respect them for who they are and where they are from.
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I would like to know if you have considered write about relationships between Asian-woman and non Asian/Caucasian man.
I do not see this mix often in Australia.
Good blog!
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That is an interesting topic. I will keep that in mind, and thank you for the suggestion.
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Since March 2016, I found someone of my own partiality: a 22-year-old girl who came as an international student from Japan. As long as I can remember, I’ve always had a strict preference for Asian/Asian American women no matter how blunt it may sound. For the most part, there is an ongoing perception where white men maintain a higher socioeconomic status than their Latino, Asian, and black counterparts, and unfortunately, some individuals date a partner, regardless of age, who is socially dominant, affluent, and less discriminated in society.
On multiple occasions, I notice how mainstream media gives preferential treatment to the white male-Asian female pairing (and not minority male-Asian female duos) wherein most Asian American women are simply viewed as romantic prizes. Hispanics, both immigrant and American-born, are often deemed as lazy, dark-skinned, uneducated, illegal immigrants, and day laborers who barely earn money. Moreover, African Americans are considered to be hooligans and loud-mouths by non-black Americans.
In that regard, how can people truly know if the affection between a Caucasian man and an Asian woman is in fact authentic and not motivated by pre-conceived notions (such as financial advancement, submissive behavior, and “exotic” beauty)? I might wonder if you too share an infatuation towards white westerners. While I have spotted countless other white male-Asian female couples in public, it appalls me to see how many of them look physically incompatible together in terms of their notable age difference and attractiveness.
I remember the time me and my friends went to a shopping mall in Costa Mesa around mid-March, and the frequent sightings of good-looking Asian women holding hands with old fat white men astounded us for three consecutive days. Whenever this particular interracial bond transpires, the Asian American woman in that relationship inevitably faces the accusation of being a money grubbing whore or a racist against her own kind.
In the main, I uploaded a video concerning rare interracial couples (between Hispanic men and Asian women) on YouTube nearly two years ago. Looking back at it, people understood the aforementioned points I conveyed so profoundly. I encourage anyone to watch that video in the following link and share your own thoughts there as well: youtube.com/watch?v=Q-i9tzGS3OY&t=4s
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We’ll all have a certain preference towards whom we want to spend our lives with. True that the status quo and mainstream media portrays certain interracial pairings and ethnicities in a certain light. The one of Asian women being viewed as, as you mentioned, as romantic prizes, irks me. All of us, man and woman and any gender in between, are certainly more than a physical trophy or an idea to be lusted after.
No question that some forms of romantic affection are motivated by the factors you mentioned. Affection can take on many forms; some of us see affection as something more practical, others more emotional and spiritual. Personally, I think the same thing also applies to the scale of attractiveness. So whether or not there is an authentic love between a Caucasian man and Asian woman is anyone’s guess. So too in regards to other interracial couples.
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RE: “Asian girl and Caucasian guy. Hand in hand walking down the street. It’s a sight that’s becoming more and more common in public these days.”
It can’t happen nearly enough (he says smiling). The only way that wonderful scene could be improved is “and they are pushing a double-sized baby carriage”.
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Love comes in different forms regardless of race. It can be two people simply sitting together. Having a family. Growing old together. It could be all of these, more, or one of these.
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The only way that wonderful scene could be improved is…
when other people stop talking about race and stop labelling people based on race and just see two people in love. It’s that simple. (^.^)
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Well yeah of course. People would still find something. Then they would just say “Why is that beauty out with that nerd”?
: )
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I second that.
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This is actually a very confusing topic for me. On one hand I support it and on another I oppose it.
In America and I’m not sure how it is in Australia, Canada, UK, etc but I think there is an imbalance between AW/WM and AM/WW couples. You are more likely to see AW/WM pairs than the opposite and I believe that is actually the most common interracial relationship in America. It used to be black and white relationships, but not so much nowadays.
As an Asian American female I think all types of guys are handsome and attractive. However I am more drawn to white and black guys. White guys is easy to explain, because of media. I grew up listening to music by white guys and watching movies and TV shows that have white guys. Also it was ingrained in me by my parents that “white” or “light skin” is more attractive in terms of skin tone. And you know how skin color can connote social class in Asian cultures. My attraction towards black guys comes from growing up in predominant black settings and I think dark or darker skin in guys is beautiful.
I definitely agree that the West and Hollywood like to promote white guys as the strong masculine and handsome figures. This creates a strong impression on young Americans, especially those of color.
However, I never thought that Asian guys weren’t manly. I did think they could be assertive and able to defend themselves. But I don’t necessarily think they are the most handsome type, because of media and also culture differences. I believe in Asian cultures, even males who were born or raised in America are taught to be strong providers, basically do well in school and earn a good living. But for Asian females raised in Western settings, not only are they taught to do well in school, but also to look good to attract a mate. That’s why you see a lot of Asian American males who are CS/Engineer majors but dress sloppily or look nerdy. Anyway that’s not to say there aren’t handsome AA males, there are! 🙂 And I have met some!
But as someone who did not grow up in strong Asian communities, my attraction is towards people who do not look like me.
My 2 cents.
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It is so interesting to hear of your thoughts on interracial couplings and your reasonings behind your attractions to guys. Our parents and the media can certainly influence how we think about a certain guy of a certain race, but at the end of the day every person is different and don’t fit the stereotype. It is only when we got out and meet people that we come to realise a lot of the colour of one’s skin has little to do with true love for most of us.
For a long time, I was against AW/WM couplings. The more people you meet, the more you realise there are people out there who have the best intentions regardless of race. Yellow fever, or even white fever, can be very real. But not every relationship is based on these factors.
Sure, some Asian guys may be more shy and not as outgoing as white guys. Agree with you on that. But it does not make them less of a person, a lover and fighter. Each of us love in different ways.
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Definitely agree with you on that Asian guys can be shy, but it doesn’t make them less as a person. And I met white guys that were shy and it doesn’t make them less either. 🙂
When I was younger, I was dead set on marrying an Asian guy, especially a Burmese or Thai guy, because I wanted to preserve my culture and teach my “future” kids our languages and stuff. But I don’t see that happening.
To be honest, I’m still a bit dead set against AW/WW. I will really try not to judge. Honestly I’m not going to lie I feel a bit embarrassed when I see those kinds of couples.
It just makes Asian girls look like they are attracted to white guys the most. And I judge the white guys for having yellow fever.
But I know this couple who are in their forties, they are an AW/WM couple and I wouldn’t have met their sons, who are good friends of mine!
So at the end of the day I try to cut them some slack, because you really can’t control who are you attracted. If there are yellow or white fever, I hope they will tame it down, and like them for who they are not and not just their race.
And I will work on judging them less.
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So well put: “I will work on judging them less.” Each relationship is unique and you are right. We can’t control who we are attracted to. It is a feeling deep inside us that comes and grows, or comes and goes, or maybe comes and goes and comes back again. Love comes in different forms, and each of us will be attracted to different traits and personalities.
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My wife is a Filipina and we are happily married for over 10 years now. Sure, there was some culture clashes, but we seemed to work them all out in the first year or two years. Takes a lot of communication and compromise.
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Nice to hear you are in a happy relationship with your Filipina wife. Every relationship takes work, forever and always.
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Thank you for writing this. I’m a white guy. I’m not from a small town. I’ve been around Asians my entire life, so they’re not “exotic” and I realize that any idea of Orientalism is nonsense. For example, Asian women are not necessary submissive (and if they were, that would probably not be a good thing–at least, it would not be attractive to me). Asians are not inferior. Asians are people. They come in all shapes, sizes, and personalities. Every one of them is unique and deserves to be treated as a unique individual.
So, why am I still so attracted to Asian women? I’ve thought about this, but I don’t have any good answers.
The only thing I can come up with is that I just like the way they look (again, every one of them is different). But, to be honest, this is probably something that I can’t know about myself without a great deal of analysis and a perceptive guide. I have to assume that my attraction comes out of blatant racism. But racism assumes ignorance or at least idealization. And I don’t think I have much of either. So, it’s strange. Maybe I was Asian in a past life and Asian women just feel like home. I don’t know.
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‘that any idea of Orientalism is nonsense.’ I couldn’t agree more with this statement, and thank you for putting this so bluntly, and for the rational comment. Orientalism is an idea that comes with hierarchical connotations, Othering and stereotypical assumptions. The word seems to be thrown around rather loosely these days – but I do think the assumptions stick with it in many every day contects when the term is used.
True that not all Asians fit the stereotypes. Even if some of us fit the stereotype of our culture, nothing wrong with that. As you inferred, everyone is unique, we’re all individuals with our own personalities and respecting each other for who they are is the least we can do.
Maybe you were indeed a person of Asian descent in another life. Sometimes it’s hard or almost impossible to explain certain feelings that we feel. It’s just who we are and nothing to be ashamed about. Once again, thank you for such a refreshing comment.
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I’m married to an okinawan women there is nothing submissive about her her culture does dictate how she does things I have seen it many times in Asia how women take care of the men it was real hard to understand when we first started to date but it started to get easy to understand as time went on now we have been married 45 years
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