“Why are you going out alone?”
That’s what my mum said when I lived at home and headed out by myself for some “me time” on the weekends. No, it’s not because she’s concerned for my safety. Melbourne is a pretty safe city in broad daylight.
Bird twisting its neck, fluffing up its feathers. Alone. Nothing obscene, just twistedly beautiful | Weekly Photo Challenge: Twist.
Rather, my parents – and many of my friends – think it’s odd and twisted that I like to spend time with me, myself and I.
Quite often, it’s comforting to be part of a group. Chances are someone’s got your back. In Asian cultures, togetherness is a virtue.
Company comes with a touch of happiness, all the more reason why being alone is fathomed as strange. Love between two people brings about warm and fuzzy feelings. Kids laugh playing tag with each other in the playground. I know I did when i was younger.
But being by ourselves is a good thing. We learn to stand on our own two feet when we’re alone. We learn that we’re stronger than we think. Some will walk out of our lives and won’t be there for us forever. Everyone says going to the cinema alone is a lonely occasion.
We can relax when we’re alone, do what we’ve always wanted to do without being judged. We spend most of the week at school or work, seeing the same faces and follow the same routines which can get tiresome.
And so when we’re by ourselves, we take a step back from the world telling us to do this and that. We slow down when we’re alone. Hear that inner voice speaking to us.
That’s not to say we should make it our mission to be alone all the time. With company, we talk and learn. Get comfortable around different people. Think of others around us.
Why are so many of us afraid of being alone? Are we afraid of taking a hard look at ourselves and finding out who we really are? Most certainly – we’re not perfect. Finding our flaws is a scary thing; sometimes doing our best isn’t enough. Realising we’re different and don’t fit certain moulds is scary too. Are we likeable?
I’ve always felt lonely as a Chinese-Australian living in Melbourne, too Asian to be Australian and too Australian to be Asian. Never fitting in with my peculiar Malaysian-Singaporean accent. Last year, I was asked to give a talk at Kurunjang Secondary College on being an Asian person in Australia. Sitting alone in my room preparing my speech the night before the talk, I wondered why I got invited.
I scribbled down my experiences of racism and moving countries on a scrap piece of paper. The school had specifically asked me to “share my story”. Such an honour. In the quietness of the night, it hit me: no two people, even of the same race, have the same story. We each have different roles to play. Different interests. Different perceptions. So, what’s my story? Well…who am I? I’m a wanderer. Video gamer. Non-drinker. Blogger. Writer. Asian Australian. Australian. Me.
When we’re alone, we get to know ourselves better.
Get to know who we are. What we stand for.
And come to love who we really are.
Do you like spending time by yourself? What do you do in your spare time alone?
Mabel Kwong 
Nice post
LikeLike
Thanks, Chennee. Much appreciated.
LikeLike
I actually love to be alone. I can really lose myself in my art for days at a time. I think it stems from growing up with 10 siblings and never getting a moment to myself. Then directly into being a mother. So, in reality I have never actually lived alone, except when I occasionally run away from home for a few weeks at a time now that I have that luxury.
LikeLike
“I actually love to be alone”. You sound very sure of yourself there, Linda, and good on you. Must’ve been very chaotic growing up in a household with that many people. I guess a lot of you stayed in each other’s rooms and rarely had much time privacy or quiet time to think. I think we’re all entitled to get away for a bit by ourselves every now and then because I’m sure we put in a lot of genuine effort to be around the people we love, and have to be around. Thanks for stopping by, really appreciate it.
LikeLike
I’ve always been alone. Even in a relationship I sometimes find it hard to connect. I often wonder what it’s like for people who have dinner parties and regular plans for the weekend. Mostly I think it’s from moving around so much.
It’s not always a bad thing but sometimes I’d like to have a group of friends like you see on tv.
LikeLike
Very brave of you to admit you’ve been alone – and seem to prefer that over company quite often. That’s an interesting point you bring up there. Now you’ve got me thinking how some people can be so social in their spare time, hopping from one party or meal to another. Maybe they are just more outgoing and find chatting relaxing as opposed to keeping to themselves – characteristics of extroverts. Definitely agree with you that being alone is not a bad thing…but at the same time we’re all social creatures in some way and a bit of company here and there doesn’t hurt.
You could join some hobby or interest groups to meet more people and maybe make more friends, just saying 🙂
LikeLike
There is this strange mix between being with others in a social setting and then being alone. I think much of it depends on the personality of the individual. Since I was a kid, I always could keep myself entertained so being alone never bothered me and I enjoyed it (and still enjoy it). I think as we get older, finding our alone time becomes more valuable because of the increased responsibilities we have in life (work, business and as you point out even ‘culturally’) that force us to be either social or push us towards isolation. Thriving in isolation and creating that downtime of being alone I think is a real gift 🙂
LikeLike
Sometimes you can be in a room full of people – some whom you know and some you don’t, or don’t at all – and you can still feel alone. Sounds like you were a very adventurous kid, Randall. I wonder what kinds of things you got up too when you were little and alone – climbing trees? Stealing cookies from the kitchen? 😉 So true. As we get older, we have our own responsibilities, individualised responsibilities that take so much time away from us to socialise and attend all the hobby/interest classes that we want. It really doesn’t surprise me when “grown ups” say that their circle of friends shrink as time goes on and they feel so alone. The more we fret wanting to be not alone, the more feel alone, I think.
“creating that downtime of being alone”. I like this phrase a lot. If being alone for some time is that important to us, no reason why we can’t make it happen. No excuses.
LikeLike
I never thought about it too much, but it is true that as you get older your circle of friends grows smaller…it is natural. People start families, move to new cities and then connections get lost. I think that can freak some people out…but I think you may be like me when thinking that ‘being alone’ also has great advantages too 🙂
LikeLike
From what we’ve discussed, it seems that as we grow older we get more lonely, whether we like it or not. You’re so right when you say this can freak people out. I know quite a few people that can’t stand being alone and must have some social or group gathering at least once a week. For me, and maybe you too, I could go for a while without hanging out socially with someone (not for a lifetime, though). Being alone, I get to create, write…listen to the universe as it speaks to me this time 🙂
LikeLike
Me too, I am really this way and sometimes I feel guilty about enjoying my creative alone-time alone as much as I do… I think we are lucky to be able to have it. Enjoy the weekend!
LikeLike
No need to feel guilty. Alone time is hard to come by these days in the real world. Writer away, Randall. Travel and take as many photos as you can when you can 🙂
LikeLike
Beautifully written! I also like being alone. Of course, there always needs to be some balance, but whenever I’ve been out socialising or at work or just on an overcrowded subway, I need to be alone to regain some of my energy. There’s this saying that introverts get their energy from within themselves and extroverts from interacting with other people (but no-one is ever 100% introvert or extrovert). The interesting thing though is that I don’t mind having my husband around when I need to recharge batteries, he knows how to give me my “alone space” even when he’s in the same room.
LikeLike
Agreed, I definitely think it’s an introvert-extrovert thing and to be on the introvert side of the scale means you feel more comfortable alone sometimes. It’s very hard for extroverts to understand that, and hence can cause conflict.
I’ve noticed that writers tend to me more introverts, makes sense…
I feel Chinese culture is at least not as outgoing as American culture, far as I know, but the togetherness of family is another thing. If you’re family expects you to hang around all the time but you need to be alone to recharge, that’s hard.
Having a spouse that understands introversion sounds so lucky, so great.
For more, here is a classic article that explains this very well: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/302696/
LikeLike
Thanks for sharing the article, Ray. Love it and it was a good read. I love how it distinguishes between “shy” and “introverted” people. In line with the article, as an introvert who isn’t the highlight of the party, I always, always get asked if I’m too serious. It’s very judgmental but I’ve learnt to accept this.
LikeLike
Thanks, Ruth. Great to hear from you again. So glad you brought up the introvert-extrovert topic. It actually reminded me of this article someone shared with me a while back, which talks about how we recharge our brains depends on our personality:
http://blog.bufferapp.com/introverts-and-extroverts-what-they-are-and-how-to-get-along-with-everyone
I’m a bit like you, and am an introvert – feel quite drained after spending a day out with friends, but feel energised at night after spending a day at home reading, writing or playing video games. Sounds like you lead a tiring, productive life but are able to rest well at home. Very lucky of you and your husband sounds like a caring man who knows you well. So, moral of the story seems to be that it’s good to be both alone and not alone if we can achieve a balance, which you suggested. Thank you!
LikeLike
Hi Mabel, I am one of those people that don’t mind being alone for longer periods of time than others, and not only that, but I think I actually need it! I think my friends that are my age and younger can’t bring their head around it, but the ones older than me I can see they also need their alone time.
Oh with regards to going th the cinema alone, I don’t know why people think it’s weird. At the end of the day you will be sitting in a dark cinema room absorbed in the movie and your own thoughts… Have a great day!
LikeLike
Hello Sofia! Always nice to hear from my foodie blogger! Hehe, you’re so like me, loving alone time. There’s just something so comforting about the quietness around you when you’re alone. All the decisions and planning you can do in your head without anyone talking you down. At most I can handle two social outings, say eating dinner with a friend or a party, without feeling tired. But then as we grow older, we become preoccupied with more things like work and interest classes where there are people around us, so alone time becomes very previous to us.
Totally agree with you on going to the cinema alone. Don’t know how some couples like cinema dates.
LikeLike
You’re so sweet Mabel, sometimes I forget I’m a foodie blogger because I love to ramble about non-food issues 😉 I also need time to be alone to do boring things like housework unfortunately, or other things like painting my toenails, lol. But as you say there’s something about the quietness, I think thats what I like. xx
LikeLike
Always good to jump into others issues and interests. They help us stretch us as a person. Haha, I like to do boring things to. Picking up hair off my carpet. Findings “new” clothes in the closet. All alone 🙂
LikeLike
Oops my computer went weird and I accidentally unfollower you then followed you back, lol. I NEED to have moments alone. Lots of people don’t seem to understand it either..
LikeLike
Hehe, some magic happened. Or your computer was playing tricks on you. Your first comment actually ended up in my spam folder and I had to fish it out. Phew 😉
LikeLike
Besides the introvert thing, it’s hard to feel like you don’t fit in. I recommend not worrying about that, and being the best individual you can be.
What’s so great about being part of a group? Heritage is a part of us all, but it’s not good to be a replaceable cog like everybody else. Be proud of your individuality! Be unique!
I don’t know if it’s similar exactly, but my family was always very into their ethnic group and I never got much out of that scene. There are various reasons why I don’t feel like the average American, but I certainly also never felt like I fit in at a family religious dinner or whatever. We’re all part of various groups, but I feel our differences are more interesting than our similarities and the shallow comfort that brings.
Well, know yourself indeed.
LikeLike
A lot of the time I don’t want to fit in. Being a part of a group, or more specifically stepping into stereotypical shoes, bores me. Personally I like being quirky and seeing the light side of things…and sharing to everyone around me that I play video games, knowing that we all aren’t kids anymore. I feel alone when I’m sharing this bit of myself to others in real life – most of the time they wear an amused look on their faces and don’t play much games, but it’s such fun to look at 😉
Very interesting to hear about your experiences growing up. We can be in a roomful of people we know or don’t know and yet we can feel very much alone. There must be reasons why you didn’t feel you fit in during family religious meals and celebrations. Maybe it’s because you shared a different view. Whatever the reason, I’m sure you were welcomed or asked to join the fun times with everyone. There’s always a tiny bit of comfort in that.
LikeLike
Your mom sounds like a very caring person. We do worry a lot, about the welfare of our children. Take care, Mabel. 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks, Sylvia, for stopping by. Much appreciated. Yes, my mum is a very caring person/ I think we are all caring people our own selves too who think of others around us. You sound like one of them 🙂
LikeLike
This is is nice 😀
LikeLike
Thanks, Sebastian 🙂
LikeLike
I still like to be alone at times, especially I really like it when I am out running or bicycling for a few hours. I remember back in the day when i was living for a year in a dormitory at my sports high school. As I lived 600km away from my parents I would stay each weekend alone in the whole dormitory (everyone else went home..) and watch movies, play games and just relax. These days I would not know anymore how to spend that much time alone as I have been living with my wife for so many years however as I said before, I still like the occasional “being alone” while doing sports.
LikeLike
I think you’ve spent up your alone hours in your younger days! 😀 Alone while doing sports. That’s a very good combination. I guess with most sports you do, you tend to get “in the zone” and focus on what you’re doing, be it running, jogging, swimming or tennis. Doesn’t matter if it’s an individual or team sport as most of the time you’ve got to put your mind in a place of its own to focus on performing the physical – and very mental – activity. So sport is understandably an isolated activity to a great extent. I’m sure you did well at your sport.
You sound like you enjoyed your time on campus alone. I guess with a young family now alone time is hard to come by but I don’t think you’ll trade this 🙂
LikeLike
Yeah, my sport was pretty much a self focused one. Up to 6h a day staring at the tiles at the bottom of the pool. Wonder how often I counted the tiles in the training pool 🙂
LikeLike
Swimming and pool. That was so not my sport. Sounds like you had the dedication for it…and a good sense of humour towards it too. You must have a lot of time to think underwater. But then again, you would have been mostly focused on making sure you don’t pass out from the lack of breathing and oxygen 🙂
LikeLike
It is defintely also not the sport for my wife as she can’t swim at all (I tried my best but failed so far…) but yeah, it was some hard time but I made it through and these days I enjoy to go swimming alone a couple of times a week, just to stay fit 🙂
LikeLike
Always good to stay fit an active. Funny how we can find relaxation in sport too. Someday you should take Nathan to the pool with you. I bet he’ll entertain you as you do your laps. I’m like your wife – can’t swim at all. Throw me in the water and I start sinking right away 🙂
LikeLike
I love my alone time. Although these days it usually involves a toddler too… asleep if I’m lucky for a while. I have lots of solo hobbies like scrapbooking and photography so I am always occupied. Quiet time is great! I think as a person gets older they often get more comfortable spending time alone too.
LikeLike
Sleep. That’s one moment when we’re definitely alone…unless if we have nightmares that haunt us. You seem to have so many hobbies, hobbies that can be done both alone and with others. Either way you get to have fun if you enjoy them, which I’m sure you do. As we get older, so many are at our beck and call and sometimes all we hear are voices in our ears. So yes, quiet time does become precious and it’s something many of us naturally want.
LikeLike
So many great questions, Mabel! I also feel the need for some quiet after a busy week at work with lots of people, conversations and noise. It does’t take me long to settle down though and then I’m perfectly happy to relax quietly with my husband and son. We might be doing our own, independent activities but there is a comforting feeling about being together while following our own pursuits.
LikeLike
Thanks, NW. Always nice to see you stopping by here. It’s good that you settle down after a busy work week – living the weekend to the fullest! So many different interests in your family, I’m sure all of you have something to share with one another on the weekends. Which probably makes it great chilling out with one another. I’m like you too. Once I knock off work Friday afternoons, I get straight into writing mode very fast…video game mode too sometimes.
LikeLike
well I like my own company. I get to listen to myself, analyse and think without interruptions.
I believe that if one cannot be fully engage in their own self, they struggle to also fully engage with others. When a person has never been in the company of their true self, they are unable to listen properly and be analytic in general life situations. that is just my take.
nice post Mabel. I like your work.
LikeLike
“I like your own company”. So confident about that, good on you. And what an interesting point you bring up and I totally agree with that. If we don’t understand who we are, we don’t know how to project and present what we stand for to others. We might even adopt different personalities as we talk to different people, perhaps blinding agreeing with what others have to say to us.
Thanks for the nice words, Devyn. And for reading.
LikeLike
Oh I love this Mabel. I am often alone, and for a really long time I’ve struggled with it, and thought that it must be because I’m weird/boring/sad/not normal/socially awkward/ or for any other not particularly flattering reason. Recently I’ve started to feel more and more OK about it though, and honestly there are times I prefer to be alone. I think it’s important to have a balance though. 🙂
LikeLike
Fitting in is hard. As we grow older, we tend to branch out on our own, with our own jobs and interests. So sorry to hear that you went through a hard time, alone, but glad you’ve come to be happier on your own. It’s never easy. “I’m weird/boring/sad/not normal/socially awkward” – I think you just summed up what we all feel in dark times all by ourselves. Balance. You’re so right. Sometimes we need to vent our feelings to someone who will listen and they can help us feel better. Other times, we just need some quiet time to think for ourselves 🙂
LikeLike
I am very much an extrovert and love being part of a crowd. I am very social. However, I also cherish my alone time. Probably one of my favorite things to do when I am alone is workout (lift weights, run, bike, etc.). The other time is doing yard work. I love to dig in the dirt, plant things, etc.
During these times I can think and ponder and be with me.
I think it is awesome you like your alone time. I believe we must like ourselves before we can expect anyone else to like us!!
LikeLike
From reading your posts so far, Tree, you seem like a very outgoing and friendly person – a person who everyone wants to hang out with. Your dog even likes hanging out with you! Doing things like gardening and mowing the lawn and in your case gardening can be very therapeutic. There’s something very comforting about building and creating things. And you wonder about how what you’re making will turn out to be…and then you wonder about the world.
“we must like ourselves before we can expect anyone else to like us”. Well said!
LikeLike
I love being alone! 🙂 And I know what you mean about movies. Personally, I would rather watch a movie alone. I can focus on the movie better when there aren’t people around me, talking to me.
LikeLike
That makes the two of us! Though I don’t know if blogging and chatting with friends online counts as being “alone”. I suppose in some ways yes (physically) and some ways no (chatting!). That is a very good point about movies. I really dislike if I watch a movie with a friend in the cinema, and halfway they tap me on the shoulder and ask “What’s going on?”.
Hope you’re having a good weekend, Matt 🙂
LikeLike
I really enjoyed this post and love your wonderful photo, Mabel. I am an introvert and enjoy being alone, or just with my husband, a lot of the time. I love being with my friends, too, but am not a big socializer, or chatterer. Have you seen this TED talk?
LikeLike
Thanks for the nice words, BlueBee. “Chatterer”. I love that word you used 😀 Sounds like you know how to keep a balance between being alone and being in the company of others. Keeping your circle of friends and ones you love small and close, I think that’s how many of us achieve this balance.
I haven’t seen that TED talk. Thanks for sharing. It looks interesting. I have a block of free time coming up in the next few weeks, I’ll check it out!
LikeLike
I think it is great to be alone sometimes and just be. We can do the things we want to do and slow down and smell the roses (as the saying goes)!! I usually do my best writing when I am by myself!
LikeLike
Thanks, foreignsanctuary. Smell the roses. It’s not hard to do. As you said, all we have to do is slow down. And look around us and be in the moment. Writing, to me, and I’m sure to you, is comforting. We can express ourselves while at the same time think about how the world works.
LikeLike
I’ve been a loner my entire life. I was quite aware of it even in kindergarten; especially the kids and teachers go out of their way to let you know that you’re different, further more that they don’t like that you’re different. From early, your expected to always asimilate, associate and conform.
As I got older, people began using psychological terms to describe me as though they knew what they mean. Words like “introverted (which is actually a person who has an abnormal pathological fear of others)” and “antisocial (a person who has abnormal pathological dislike of others).” I still get called “antisocial” by laypeople who feel a need to label or or just ridicule me.
I’ve always been quite aware; nevertheless, that I’m neither afraid or hateful of other people. I just function quite well at being on my own with my own thoughts and contemplations when necessary. Although I accept and thoroughly enjoy companionship, I’ve never really sought external validation from anyone, and have been quite content to do things like go to the movies alone. I am a loner, and proud of it.
LikeLike
Thanks for sharing, mofman. A very interesting read. Loud and proud of a loner you are. We’re always taught to do things in groups growing up and in our high school and university days: group work ensures no one gets lost or left behind, and it teaches us communication skills. So when some of us have a moment to ourselves, we don’t know what to do – some of us are just so used to being with people. Or just can’t stand being alone.
Introverted and antisocial are two different things. Being introverted doesn’t necessarily mean you’re antisocial, and I sympathise with you when you say you’ve been called the latter. I’ve had friends try to drag me to group outings so that according to them, I “will be less antisocial”. Like you, I get along just great with myself and my own head – I don’t feel lonely or sad. I just get on with what I like doing. Sometimes I think those who call us antisocial or those who can’t stand being alone act this way because they haven’t found their individual passions.
Apart from the movies, I’ve been to standing general admission concerts and orchestral performances alone too.
LikeLike
I believe it is ok to be alone sometime. …it’s more of own reflection time when you are alone and everyone does that. Guess.. older Asian generation still thinks that once you want to be alone… something is wrong with you. Right?
LikeLike
I am so glad you brought this up. It’s a very interesting point. The older generation are big on their offspring finding a partner and getting hitched, and starting a family. To them, two or more is better than one. And for safety reasons too since it’s quite dodgy crime-wise in some Asian cities. So if the younger generation Asians like me – and you??? – say we want time to ourselves, they start to get a bit edgy. I’m not too sure if you were thinking along these lines, but that’s what I was thinking.
LikeLike
Asian will still be Asian where our mentality will still be conservative unlike the Westerner. I believe when you become a parent one day, if you will still have that kind of feeling in you; to be slightly more protective on your children (and to make matters worse, crime has risen and got worse as years go by as compared to before). Parents will want to know who you will be going out and even two or more, they will still have that fear in them, Dun you agree with me?
LikeLike
Now that you mention being a parent, that throws a whole new perspective into this topic. Naturally two is company, safety in numbers. And you’re right about the crime rate rising in Malaysia. It’s scary hearing robbery stories left right and centre coming out of KL and it does make me scared to go out alone when I’m back. So yes, completely agree with you there.
LikeLike
I use to say to myself… When I will be able to be alone with myself in peace then is when I am truly changing and accepting myself. I has been quite a journey for me, to be able to be alone… And I can tell you, boy does it feel good. 🙂 I am proud of myself, and you, because you wrote this from heart and in a way no one coudn’t if they weren’t happy in their skin. 🙂
LikeLike
So nice to hear that you aren’t afraid being alone and time to yourself. It feels good to be alone, because it is during this time we can think and act freely 🙂
Thank you for your nice words, hard to think how someone from across the world can be proud of me 🙂 This is a new writing style I’m experimenting…funny you talk about being happy…my next post is about happiness!
LikeLike
Hehe, can’t wait to read it… 😀
I wrote about hapiness on several posts but I am curious to read your perspective, maybe we’re on the same page, so to speak… 🙂
You are welcome, I have received so much support already through WP community and it really means something to me ❤
LikeLike
I found your happiness post! I read it…I agree with all of it. So well written and I love this phrase you wrote: ” do not let your down’s bring the shadow on your up’s, because the balance is what it is really all about.” It’s so easy for this to happen when we’re alone and don’t love ourselves.
I’ve written my happiness post already but it’s a bit different, so it should be interesting to you 😀
LikeLike
Yaaay 😀 Oh yes I see you have found it 😀
Ei, did you know about the 100 days of happy? It is a project I sucked in few bloggers on but haven’t tried myself yet haha, I wrote about it – it is esentially that you join and then post photos of whatever made you happy in 100 days… It is challenging but I haven’t taken part in it mostly because I don’t like to be told what to do 😀
Well, heading to your post! (enter swoooosh sound here)
LikeLike
Grrrrrr I have writen a loooooong reply and now I see it didn’t register 😡
ok lets recreate it….
Yaaaay (I think I started with this)! 😀 Ei (I am definitely sure I used Ei because I never use it), did you hear about 100 happy days? I wrote about it and got few bloggers into it, it is basically joining in in their page and then posting photos of whatever made you happy in 100 days. Quite a challenge, I haven’t decided to join yet. And thank for quoting me I feel important haha 😀
Btw I can’t seem to find your post, link it?
LikeLike
Oh no! The red angry sad face came out! 😀 WordPress saw your comment as spam…so I fished it out of the spam comment folder and now you can see it!
Yes. I heard about 100 Happy Days. I think it’s a great challenge, finding happiness in the small things around you everyday, like a smile. A simple “Thank you”. My happiness post comes out this Thursday. That’s the day when I put up my blog posts, one each week. So you’ll have to wait a bit longer, hehe 😀
LikeLike
A spam?! (in shock)
😉
Hehe that’s fine, I just thought I couldn’t find it… 🙂
LikeLike
Here is my happiness post! https://mabelkwong.com/2014/06/05/what-is-happiness/
😀
LikeLike
Alrighty! (in Jim Carrey voice 😀 )
I will read as soon as I can.
LikeLike
I am with you here. It is nice to be surrounded by people, but it is also nice to be alone, to enjoy being one’s own company. After all, one spends most of his time on his own – that hour as he falls to sleep can be tricky for one who is not happy with himself.
LikeLike
Thanks, Imelda. It’s always nice to be in the company of others, have a bit of a chat with them and later walk away to be alone and think about what was just been said. You can learn so much this way. I love that hour as I fall asleep and head off to la-la land – my head is always caught in between the world of dreams and reality. Anything always seems possible during this moment.
LikeLike
Balance is the key. Being alone or being with family or being in a group, can be happy or sad occasions. I enjoy a mix, but mainly I prefer to be alone.
LikeLike
Sometimes it’s hard to achieve a balance. If we work full time, most of the time we are interacting with our colleagues or clients. On the weekends, friends might clamour for your attention. I’m inclined to be bold and say that many of us are not alone most of the time.
LikeLike
really nice post 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks for the nice words, Moersalin 🙂
LikeLike
I go back and forth with absolutely needing to be on my own and being the life of the party. It gets rough when the jump happens within the same day….My Chinese girlfriend likes to analyze me, but has yet reach any conclusion other than calling me a demon…Haha
LikeLike
That’s interesting to hear, and nice to know that you don’t mind being alone or being the centre of attention. That’s what you call balance, I suppose. Bet you are never bored in any situation you’re in. Haha, your girlfriend sounds funny. I’m sure you’re not insulted when she calls you a demon. Thanks for reading.
LikeLike
When I am alone at home, I used to watch Korean drama series until I started blogging a year ago. Now WP has taken up a lot of my spare times at night. Being alone does not put me off doing things socially but now I am hardly out alone. Besides socializing with friends, I go for walks and always with my four legged friend. 🙂
LikeLike
Korean dramas versus blogging on WordPress. Which do you prefer, Jess? 😉 Can you choose one over the other? Either way, both activities seem like ones we do alone. Ah, your lovely dog…he will always keep you company and you will never be alone!
LikeLike
Korean drama is more relaxing and if there are constant supplies of good ones, I may chose this over blogging. Blogging however makes me think harder and keeps me mentally alert but the down side is it kept me awake till the wee hours when I should be asleep. 😦
LikeLike
That’s a very good point. Blogging take up a sizable chunk of my time too. I get a mental adrenalin rush from being creative blogging and reading others’ blogs, but then I feel physically very tired afterwords. For me, it’s either blogging or video games…which is equally exhausting.
Maybe do a bit of both, dramas and blogging. Or whichever makes you happier 😉
LikeLike
I also enjoy being on my own. Sometimes in the middle of the night: walking around in unknown cities, taking photos of this and that. I like it.
LikeLike
It must be peaceful walking around at night, with the streets mostly empty and it’s just you. I like walking around at night for this reason, but don’t do so often as my eyesight is terrible at night.
LikeLike
I love your thoughts on this matter, particularly this line “We can relax when we’re alone, do what we’ve always wanted to do without being judged.” Some of my friends are appalled when I tell them I dine out or watch movies alone every now and them. They ask me if I don’t get sad. Choosing to be alone also bring us a different level of satisfaction. And as you said, it allows us to discover our self more…without having the need to worry whether we are being judged for instance for our choice of food, restaurant, or movie. 🙂
Being alone also allows us to notice some simple things that we usually overlook when we are with a group of people. And sometimes, the small discoveries can more impact/influences in our life. 🙂
LikeLike
That’s so sad to hear your friends think hanging around by yourself is strange, and even more strange that you’d be sad being alone. I’m sure because of this, they invite you more and more to go out with them so that you have plenty to do 🙂 “Choosing to be alone also bring us a different level of satisfaction” and this can influence on our life – I couldn’t agree more with your thoughts. Being alone, we can let our imaginations and thoughts run wild, anywhere we like. There’s no stopping us what to think; there can be endless questions and revelations about life and ourselves that pop into our heads. Thanks for stopping by and reading, Milaiski.
LikeLike
Ironic though because when I am on “me time, I never ran out of things tondo. But when with friends, there are times when we can’t think of anything because we have to consider what the majority wants. So there are really advantages in having the confidence to do anything even on your own. I.admire such people. More often than not, these are the people who are in charge of their own lives. 🙂
LikeLike
Same here. When I’m alone, there’s just so many things I want to do, like reading, playing video games, cleaning my room…you name it. You’re right about finding something to do and eat that everybody likes, especially if it’s like a big group of friends. You feel quite a lot of time is wasted decided what to do and where to go, but if everybody’s happy, then that’s always great. And then there are your friends who rock up late to hanging out…
“More often than not, these are the people who are in charge of their own lives.” I love how you said this. I couldn’t have said it better. Thanks for sharing your thoughts 🙂
LikeLike
I can relate to being alone, and I have very little patience with the social gathering… The balance that I get is from the workplace, where I have to interact with people, learn about other people’s thoughts and behaviors, and being patient. My daughter is different from me, she loves to be with people and enjoys the social gathering 🙂
LikeLike
Very bold of you to admit that you have little patience with social gatherings. Me too. I don’t like waiting for others and it takes time to organise things as a group, things that not everyone may like doing. You’re right, we can get our social fix from work where we most certainly have to work with our boss and colleagues to some extent. Your daughter sounds like a very confident young lady, good on her. Sometimes I wish I can be like that, have a bit more confidence 🙂
LikeLike
You have a good sense of my daughter. She has little difficulty of understanding why her mother doesn’t enjoy the social gatherings. 🙂
LikeLike
I think it’s because your daughter and I are part of gen-y. Maybe we are searching for a certain, the same, level of happiness at this point in our lives. But I’m an introvert, and I think this is why I don’t find happiness too much in social outings.
LikeLike
Cute photo of a bird twisting!
I love people but I also cherish alone time. It’s a matter of balance, you know?
Lately, I have been enjoying taking walks at a local ecological reserve. The trails are not secluded at all so I feel safe. There are birds native to the coast, so it’s fun to take my camera to take pictures of them. You’ll see them make appearances on my photo blog once in a while. 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks, Miki. Glad you liked the bird photo. Didn’t expect it to turn out that clear. Balance is hard to achieve, but when we work at it, we can certainly achieve it. Trail walking alone sounds very relaxing. Walking at a reserve alone, I suppose you don’t feel afraid as, well, it’s often patrolled and popular with others. So you can walk alone with peace of mind, and enjoy being by yourself.
I love your bird photos. Keep them coming 🙂
LikeLike
Pingback: Why It’s Odd And Okay To Be Alone | DailyJib