As an Asian Australian who speaks with a slightly tinged Singaporean-Malaysian accent, quite often here in Melbourne people ask me when we’re mid-conversation, “Where are you from?”.
This question is an ambiguous one. As Melissa Loh has discussed, it can mean: Which city I live in? Which country I was born in? Where I grew up? Which planet? Where my ancestors come from? Which languages I speak?
Each pair of shoes travels far and wide. Where are you from? Photo: Mabel Kwong
Pretty sure a lot of the time, many who ask me this question want to know where I call home and expect a simple, straightforward answer. Also, they are those whom I’ve met not too long ago and perceive as strangers.
Born in Melbourne to Malaysian migrant parents, I hold Australian citizenship. Having grown up in Asia and Australia, “home” is essentially foreign to me – I feel attached to each country I’ve lived in in some way. From my experiences residing in different continents, I’ve learnt to affiliate with both Asian and Western values, making my identity a complex one.
As such, I don’t have a definitive answer to “Where are you from?”. Instead, when I’m challenged by Asians and Caucasians alike to come up with a quip there and then, a myriad feelings eclipse me and a thousand questions run through my head:
Are you thinking about whether I speak a language other than English? Are you assuming my first language is Chinese? Are you convinced I’m a foreigner?
Why the question? Why are you interested in me? What do you want to know about me?
Are you a bad person? What do you do? Who are you?
Sometimes, I feel flush when confronted with the intrusive question. 99% of the time, I feel uncomfortable because I’m a private person and really am not keen on sharing my life story with someone I barely know. My response depends on my mood and the tone of the person throwing this phrase at me. So far, I’ve responded with these statements and here are the reactions I get:
1. I’m from Australia.
This is very true. I am Australian. But then people tend to wear a confused look on their faces, as if they can’t believe they’re hearing an Australian speak with a non-Anglo accent.
2. My parents are from Malaysia.
Using this reply, I’m in a sense diverting attention away from myself. People tend to think that I’m Malaysian when they hear this.
3. I grew up in Singapore. But my parents are Malaysian.
Ditto.
4. China.
People find this hard to believe since I speak like a Singaporean or Malaysian.
5. It’s none of your business.
I usually say this when I’m having a bad day or when I’m not in the mood for conversation. Or when I feel apprehensive towards the person asking me the question or the person sounds nosy. Yes, this response sounds rude and stand-offish. Nevertheless, I get people reiterating the question to me again, or they will prod, “Where did you grow up?”
6. Where are you from?
I get quizzical looks when I throw the question back at them. Friendly strangers often mention where they are (presumably) born and then the ball’s in my court.
7. …
Silence. With this response, an audible uncomfortable pause follows and a rush of awkwardness simmers between me and the person who asked the question.
8. I’m from three places. Guess where. If you get them all correct, you can be my friend.
I say this when I’m feeling cheery or am warming towards the strangers I’m talking to. Usually, they catch on to my humorous side and gamely play along. No one has won yet and I have few friends.
At times, I feel sad because it’s hard for me to truthfully express who I am in one quick sentence to nice, down-to-earth people asking the said question. At the end of the day, I don’t know which is more amusing when people first meet me: them asking me “Where are you from?” or them stereotypically assuming I hail from Asia based on my accent and looks.
How do you/would you answer “Where are you from?”
Mabel Kwong 
Thanks for sharing. I get this question a lot but it certainly doesn’t carry the same weight and I like to have them guess as well, especially when I’m in a playful mood. They are usually wrong. I guess that means I’m a bad American. But anyways, your post made me think of this video. Enjoy!
youtube.com/watch?v=DWynJkN5HbQ
Have a great day!
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Thanks for sharing this video Matt! I have seen it lurking around on YouTube, but never got around to watching it and completely forgot about it. Until now! Funny how people never really get “Where are you from” correct when we ask them to guess…do they even want to guess correctly and get the question correct? Do they think they know more than us about “where we’re from”? I don’t know. I think a lot of the time they don’t expect to play this lovely guessing game. Have a great weekend 🙂
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I’ve seen this video before – it certainly applies to a lot of Asian-Australians who are born in Australia.
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I find this video funny (as in comedic). I like adding a dash of humour to my responses when answering “Where are you from?”. But as the video shows, sometimes the person asking the question just can’t comprehend funny responses and may get offended.
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My Asian friends who were born here and grew up here always just answer with Australian, but unfortunately sometimes have to qualify their ancestral background. That will change over time though. For you though your accent would confuse a lot of people la.
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Haha, yes lah. My accent really does confuse people and sometimes their mouths fall open. To be frank, my speech is rarely peppered with Singapore-Malaysian words…it’s the intonation of my words that makes me sound foreign. I’m sure you don’t get the question all the time, if at all. But it really is fun sometimes to get people to guess my heritage and race when it pops up!
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It’s quite normal for children regardless of where they are born to pick up the accents from their parents. i know quite a few people who were born in the same country as me but have slight foreign accents. Also if someone lives in a mixed area then accents and loan words can be picked up as well. If you go back in history both American and Australia accents were formed largely from English speakers from different areas/accents all mixing with each other.
I’m sorry to disagree with your views Conrad in that ‘That will change over time though’. Even in 50 years time or so a second or third generation Asians will still be asked ‘Where do you come from?’ The YouTube video above is an example of that.
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Number 8 is a creative one. Mind if I use it??? 🙂
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Be my guest, BLT. Let me know of the responses you get. I’m sure it’ll be lots of fun 🙂
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That’s a good question! Very thought provoking too.I don’t think anyone can be defined by where they are from, so it’s a rather pointless question!
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It is a good question. But at the same time, as you mention, it can be rather redundant. Our ancestors all come from somewhere, usually a different city or country altogether. So we’re all from “somewhere” or “some place”!
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The video Matthew posted is hilarious!!! I’ve seen it before. May have to post it on my blog one of these days.
You definitely have a hard situation to describe in response to that question. I would imagine that most people don’t mean harm when they ask you, though. I think it’s cool that you can claim heritage in a lot of different places. I definitely feel as though I’ve had a lot of home throughout my life, though California is where my roots are and where my “home home” will always be. Your heritage is much more interesting… So embrace it!! 🙂
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I think most of the time, people really are just curious about my background and want to know more. Nothing wrong with that. I’ve had some conversations with some people where I can just feel that they want to know where I’m from but don’t dare voice that question, possibly afraid they’ll offend me I presume. The question also serves as a good conversation starter in my opinion. To me, your background is very interesting. Always been fascinated by how some people can comfortably call one place “home” 🙂
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Well I spent the first 18 years of my life here. Since then, I’ve had many homes. And for that, I am so so glad. A single home produces a small worldview, which is what I discussed in my most recent poem. 😉
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I don’t think it’s anyone’s business to know where you’re from. You ever ask a Caucasian Australian with a noticeable accent where he/she is from? (Perhaps we should ask a Caucasian Australian this question.) My background is kind of like yours – parents escaped Mainland China to Taiwan during communist invasion. I was born in Taiwan and moved to Canada when I was 4 years old. Moved back to Taipei for a few years in the early 90s then did my MBA in the States, then got a job in Canada. Then lived in China for 8 years. Now I live in three countries. When people ask me where I’m from, I tell them where I’m living now. (Which is also kind of not clear, but oh well, better than explaining where I’m from.)
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It really is no one’s business to know where we’re from. Sometimes when I ask a Caucasian where they are from, they look at me as if I’m joking and am being ridiculous asking such a question. We have every right to ask that question and I think it’s shallow of Caucasians to laugh at us when we ask them it. It’s just another question, really…
I like your response of telling people where you live. I guess people usually nod their heads at this response and the conversation would, hopefully, quickly drift from there to a topic less personal and invasive.
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I myself am an Asian Australian. Grew up in Australia, have an Aussie accent, and have viewpoints which are considered ‘non-Asian’. My friends in Australia do consider me as Australian, though some randoms on the street will sometimes ask, “Where are you from”, with one man referring to me as a tourist once when I was riding a bus in Sydney. I identify myself as being Australian (since this is the culture I was exposed to and lived in the longest and is the place where I live permanently), but whenever I tell people (especially Asians like the one I encountered in trips to my ancestral home in Asia) that I’m Australian, they look at me like I’m nuts. It does confuse me sometimes when people ask that 🙂 I guess the ‘where are you from’ question’s preferred answer depends on each individual. For example, what makes someone Australian? Do they need to be born there from a long line of Aussie citizens?
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The two questions you posed are very interesting ones. Australia is a migrant country, so you would think that a lot of Aussie citizens/ancestors are from diverse background and/or countries.
Sometimes when I am out taking photos with my camera (this is a hobby of mine) in Melbourne, I get strange looks from white Australians and at times they will purposely stop behind me and let me take a picture so they will not get in the way. Their facial expressions say it all – that I’m a tourist which is so not true. Like you, I get confused when white Australians or Asian Australians ask me “Where are you from?”. When I say “Australia” and people look at me like I’m crazy, sometimes I like to say, “I’m…REALLY from Australia” just to throw them off more. Once I had someone who kept insisting that I was from New Zealand, but this is another story altogether 🙂
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When I was living in Taiwan, an American from California asked where I was from. I told him I’m American and he didn’t believe me. xD hahaha…
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Hahaha! I guess this is what we have to put up with… Some Asians who grew up in the West get insulted when they hear such an answer. But if you have a positive attitude, well, this question will always be a fun one 🙂
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I’ve also been asked this question quite a few times but sometimes I feel uncomfortable with answering it. Do I give a short answer, do I give a fuller explanation (and bore them in the process) and what happens after they have digested the answer. I’ve had a few people look at me differently after I have told them as well. (I was same person 10 seconds ago before you asked)
Although I’m not Asian I could in part relate to the story behind ‘Shanghai Kiss’.
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“Where are you from” seems like a direct question but in all honesty it’s one of the most ambiguous ones ever. So sorry for you and sad people actually have another opinion of you entirely after you’ve answered the question. It goes to show how judgmental and narrow-minded some people can be.
These days I don’t mind the question at all…I love seeing people’s reactions and in a sense it’s a way to see who has a good sense of humour. I haven’t watched Shanghai Kiss but it seems like a good movie to see on a lazy weekend.
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The question itself is actually fairly innocent because people ask standard questions when they first introduce themselves to each other. I guess I need to ask that question back at people more.
The movie I’ve mentioned I enjoyed watching because it does I believe answer this topic. Interestingly I have the European version of the film which has the better front cover on it. I’ve seen other front covers of that film and didn’t like them so much.
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“fairly innocent” is a good way of putting it. It would be fun if we started asking the question back at those who ask it in the first place. Most of them would be very, very surprised and some might be a bit insulted – that is, if they are a local living where we’re at. We might look rude asking that question, or we might come off as curious.
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I’m a halfie! I’m from the UK, but half of me is African, from Nigeria. I’m English, but I’m from Devon. I was born in Exeter, the city that I love most!
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That is so interesting to hear you’re a halfie, and proud of it! I’m sure people have a fun, maybe confusing, time guessing where you’re from 🙂
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Hi,
I found your blog when googling answers for “Where are you from?”. I’m glad that I am not the only one who finds this question tedious as well as intrusive. I’ve been in the UK for 30 years and speak without a hint of Chinese accent, yet when anyone has a conversation with me for the first time and asks “Where are you from?”. They are not satisfied with my answers until I tell them what my ethnic background is. First I answer which town I live in, which is met with “No, where are you from originally?” to which I reply which country I grew up in i.e. the UK, then again “No, what country do your parents come from?” then that’s when I have to say Hong Kong even though I’ve only been there once on holiday and not to see any relatives either. I think I might try and see how many different answers I can give before we get to my ethnic background. 🙂
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“tedious as well as intrusive” That’s a good way to describe the question. It can be an amusing question, but is can be a very personal one that we would not rather be asked for privacy reasons. I really like your friend’s response. It is a very honest answer, but at the same time someone might take it the wrong way and think you are insulting them.
Have fun with answering “Where are you from?”. The more varied responses you give, the more intriguing responses may you get 😀
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One that is not on the list of answers that my friend would use when she’s not feeling sociable is “my mother’s womb.” Technically correct although I would never have the nerve to say that myself.
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# 8 is genius! I’m going to try it from now on.
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(I searched across the internet for good responses to “where are you from”; this is definitely the best answer I’ve found 🙂 )
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Thank you, Steven. You are very kind. Maybe you have your own responses too 🙂
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Thank you. Have fun with it.
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Great post! Love number #8. if you don’t mind I am going to start using it.
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Thanks, k1ke. No worries. Go ahead and get others to guess all the places you are from, and if they get it correct, you can be their best friend. Even just for a day 😀
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This is the most difficult, pointless, meaningless, and offensive question to me. And one few long-lasting problems I’m trying to find a key to.
A little bit of a background:
I was born in one country in Europe. I grew up there. I lived in 4 Asian countries last years. And live here still. My relatives hold different nationalities/ethnicities which could describe them by blood: arctic race, asian descendent, caucasian race… overall 5 different “nationalities”. While I was growing I absorbed mostly American-ish and Japanese culture. When I was a teenager I dived in counter-culture, Greek philosophy, Hawaiian while continued to possess the interest in American and Japanese. Later I took some from Indian, native American, Finnish, Chinese while continued to have the interest in Japanese and Hawaiian. As well as Hong Kong and Singapore. And it’s not like I completely took all the cultural features but shared some of them. So I also took some from Sri Lankan and Thai since I lived there a bit. I always was local everywhere I lived or visited, some places were closer to me, some were not.
The thing is:
1) I don’t like to be framed or put a label on me. So most of the questions like “Are you christian, buddhist, vegetarian, democrat, Greek, Chinese… this and that?” are not so easy to answer.
2) I don’t live in the past so I live only presently.
3) I don’t consider myself as a part of any community, nation, country, religion, race, ethnicity, culture, movement, idea and whatnot.
4) I develop my culture every day. I stay dynamic. I do not use static terms, descriptions etc. I don’t say or act in absolute. I’m here and now. Everything that is absolute, strict, framed, labeled already belongs to past the time you mention it.
5) I don’t understand what people exactly want to know and it’s not so appreciated to ask 10 questions back, whereas most of the people answer with one name.
I shaped a lot of responses to that question, yet there’s no universal one. Sometimes if you pick the wrong one it creates some extra weirdness. The other thing is how you answer of course. I try to be easy going, positive, funny and smiling and etc.
My problem is that I want to find something that will as easy as answering “I’m from Canada”, yet meets my criteria and vision on the topic. I don’t want to play psychic and riddler every time. I don’t want to give the answer people “want” because then the framing and tons of prejudice, preconception, and weird questions, and “related” news show up. And all that returning and talking in past tense etc.
I seek for help. Please, someone give me some hints!
Here are my answers:
Uh, you know, here… There… You know how it is..!
I wear many hats
I don’t care
It doesn’t matter
It doesn’t matter to me
Does it matter?
Lived in [name the countries you lived in]
Krakozhia / Mordor / Tatooine / etc
Asia / Europe / Savanna / Desert etc
Was born in [country]
I’m a universal soul
I’m a world citizen
Sorry, I find this question offensive
What do you mean exactly? What do you want to know?
I don’t belong
From a place where I don’t belong and have no connection but a legal one
I cannot name a one particular place
This question makes me feel uncomfortable
[Country]. What does it say to you?
I don’t consider myself as a part of any particular country
I came from [name the last country visited]
I cannot answer that question
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It is an very interesting background you have, Yvor. One learns to see and experience so much coming from a family of different nationalities and having the opportunity to live in more than one place. “I don’t live in the past so I live only presently.” This is quite a profound phase, one that I agree with. A lot of the time the present is where we’re at, where we rightfully live in the moment to learn and define ourselves. Then again, sometimes certain things from our past might stick with us into the present, so in a sense for some of us, we might live in the past. Which would make “Where are you from?” a really complex question for them. It really is a loaded question.
I really like all of your suggestions to, “Where are you from?”. “It doesn’t matter” reminds me of a time recently where I responded to this extended. To the question, I responded, “That is completely irrelevant”. The person who asked the question seemed quite miffed at that response, and you are right in saying that not all responses will go down well with everyone and in each context. I suppose if you take the time to know someone and what they can do and in general the way they think and behave, then “Where are you from?” becomes less and less daunting and awkward.
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Hi Mabel,
Thank you for the response. Exactly, when you get to know someone closer it doesn’t really matter, you can tell them “where are you from”, and because they know you they will understand your opinion.
I’ve come across more answers just recently. I’ll post here once I’ll have something if you don’t mind. Maybe I’ll find someone who has a key to my question of how to handle it…
It’s not my favourite topic
I’m not into labels
Why’s this important right now?
Not important
It’s insignificant
It’s inconsequential
I’m extraneous
I’m am a mongrel
I’m multi-local
My home is where I am
My home is where I’m happy
Perception stains reality
I possess no personal designation
I have no personal classification
I have no personal categorization
I have no place of personal association
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These are excellent responses, Ing, some more literal than others. Some of them more thought-provoking. I really like “My home is where I am”. Home is what we make it to be.
I’ve been working on another blog post about this question again for a while now. It’s a topic that can be debated for hour on end.
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Omg, I just thought up of a good response to use, the next time someone asks me where I’m from: “We are the Borg. You will be assimilated.”
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That is clever. You never know. That may come true one day.
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What I experience is –
“Is that a Scottish accent I hear?”
Yes
What part of Scotland do you come from?
There……..
Oh my wife/husband and I went there on our last holiday
Lovely – what did you think?
Then an interesting and friendly conversation follows before we part and go our different ways.
Sorry – but in my experience, I do not find the question intimidating in the least.
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Good for you and nice you get interesting conversations out of it. Small talk can be enlightening. Like the question, small talk is intimidating to me too quite a lot of the time – I’m very much the introvert.
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I actually think it’s pretty cool that you have so many different answers to a seemingly simple question, but of course, I can see how it can be annoying at times, too.
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A lot of the time the question is annoying to me. I’d rather people mind their own business. Then again, it’s a question that can help make connections.
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I’m glad I saw this post, I’m often asked this question, which I’m sure many people are asked this question very often as well. It often tends to be a conversation starter for a lot of people. I don’t mind being asked it most of the time, but it’s only when it’s asked very suddenly out of the blue. At the same time, I feel like it’s such a simple question, but it means so much to every person!
For example, when people ask “Where are you from?” they’re usually wondering where the person was born and raised. They want to know what race you are. I usually instinctively say Auckland (as that’s where I was born), but then they’ll ask “No, where are you really from?” or “Where are your parents from?”. The question where are you from to me is like asking, where is your home, and home is in NZ for me.
I do feel (and I hope it doesn’t offend anyone who may read this) that we do live in a white culture, in the sense that generally speaking most people won’t ask a white person where they’re from, unless perhaps if they have a different accent. Where are you from instantly makes it feel like I’m not from here, but perhaps I’m a bit more sensitive towards this question, as it’s been something that’s been asked my whole life. Ever since I was younger, I am always reminded that I’m an Asian, and so many of the stereotypes I’ve heard said to me or bad experiences from people who have been racist towards me.
The question “Where are you from?” can have a lot of emotional, psychological and personal weight on it. Although, most days I will say “I was born in NZ but my parents are from Taiwan” or I’ll ask “Do you mean where I was born or my ethnicity?”
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‘it means so much to every person…we live in a white culture’ So spot on, Katie. And I agree with you. The question is always more than meets the eye, and often the person asking it has a pre-defined notion of who we *should* me. Like you, I tend to be more sensitive towards the question no matter how many times I’ve been asked it.
It is polite of you to clarify the question with the person asking it. More often than not, I feel it is too much of an effort to do just that, and will just mumble something about my parents’ home country – and the other person will immediately ‘get it’.
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Thanks for your reply Mabel! I suppose there are many of us who are more sensitive towards the question because whatever we answer with would be how others see a part of our identity and if it gets quite deep, maybe even stereotypes on personality, behaviour and values.
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I think some of us are just very honest people that way, and we know we can’t give an honest answer to the question. So we’d rather not be asked it.
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I am a white Slavic and have lived in London, Paris, Prague and Vienna and this question always comes up. Cue to Western Europeans prejudging me as untrustworthy as I come from the Balkans.
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Sorry to hear about people judging you. It’s not a question that’s always welcome, and we have a choice to answer it or walk away.
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Smiling and gently tapping my chest I would say – ‘Here, from the heart’, and you? Still smiling.
Lovely article, thanks 🙂
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I like how you say it ‘‘Here, from the heart’, and you? Still smiling.’ It’s a phrase I will keep in mind. We carry our hearts wherever we go, and who we are is the makeup of the heart. Very clever. Thank you 🙂
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It must be frustrating. I’m guilty of sometimes asking people where they’re from if they’ve got a foreign accent I don’t recognize. I try not to because my mom’s English and people tend to ask me if I got her accent and whether or not I’ve visited England and if I’ve got a dual citizenship. Just because I’ve got a foreign mother mean I’m an expert on that country. I grew up with my country’s ideologies, just like everyone else.
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Sometimes we are just plain curious about where someone has been, and the most direct way to ask it is ‘Where are you from?’ It is very thoughtful of you to not generalise. So true what you said – not all of us will have ties with a certain place even if our parents do. Where we are from and where we feel comfortable calling home is dependent on our individual choices and experiences.
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I quite honestly cannot stand this question. There are not too many things that can offend me but people asking me where I am “really from” is one of the few things that does. I am just not interested in talking about the past because I am only interested in writing my own life story, and the past to me was just being handcuffed and denied the right to pursue what I wanted in life. I also think the question goes against so many of our supposed cultural values. Honestly, we claim to live in a society that values freedom for all and yet we still try to force someone to talk about their past even if they say it’s offensive? And we continue to define people based on something that is beyond their control? It just makes absolutely no sense to me. But I believe I have the right to live my life the way that I know it was meant to be lived and not talk about the past.
A little bit of background: I am from British Columbia because it is where I have chosen to live and it is quite honestly the only place in North America where I would ever willingly live. Seriously, outside of the Pacific Northwest I just hate the rest of the continent, although please understand that this is just my view and I know mine is no more “correct” than anyone else’s and anyone is free to disagree with me. Anyway, of course I was forced to live elsewhere completely against my will. Not to mention I was constantly abused during that whole time, being berated and told that I was not good enough to do anything in life, as well as being told that I was delusional for thinking I knew what I wanted. In other words, I was outright denied the right to pursue what I wanted in life.
The bottom line: why would I want to talk about the past? I am only interested in pursuing the life that was meant for me, and I am not even slightly interested in talking about the past that I fought to get away from. In fact, I will likely start seeing some sort of counsellor soon to help me get over all of that trauma, since I admittedly have an issue with holding onto anger, and also trauma like what I went through can affect people on so many different levels. And again, I believe that I have the right not to talk about something if I don’t want to talk about it. Usually I just say I am from BC, although when I am actually in BC it is a bit harder since then people are more likely to try to dig deeper.
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‘And we continue to define people based on something that is beyond their control?’ That is a great question there, and you do bring up a valid point there in that the past doesn’t always reflect how we truly feel about places or others in general. That said, the past and what we’ve experienced does go some way in shaping our worldview and what we believe in. But it’s the present and our choices in the present that shape us who we are right now.
Sometimes we just want to forget the past, and like what you mentioned about yourself, not everyone’s past is pleasant. Not only is there usually a kind of assumption others have about you when they ask that question, there is sense they want to make a personal connection – or maybe not realise they are getting personal (personal to us) and more often than not are inclined to go with social norms. Many times when others have asked the question I like to go, ‘What relevance does it have?’. Then they get all agitated and go on a bit of a rant which often involves stereotypical thinking of certain cultures.
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I get this question a lot in the U.S. At first most people here just guessing that I came from the Philippines (so far only one person who guessed correctly that I came from Indonesia). And since I feel like the Netherlands is my second home, I find it’s bit confusing to answer the question, so I always reply as “It’s complicated, I have two home countries.” 😀
But I agree, it is best not asking this question on the first time meet up. Sometimes it could be tricky and insulting..Great post, Mabel!
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Maybe not many people in the US know where Indonesia is. Sounds like you are trying to give an honest answer as possible. Sometimes I will get asked ‘What is your nationality?’ which holds different meanings to home, and is more factual – which still can be hard to answer. But definitely agree, best not to ask this question when you first meet someone.
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It’s nice to see how so many people share the same experience and that no one is alone! I’ve struggled answering this question all my life tbh and most of the time dread the topic coming up because I have no simple answer. I was born in London, UK. My ethnicity is Portuguese, Guyanese, Brazilian, Trinidadian & Jamaican. Now of course when people ask me where I’m from I hate saying all 5 countries due to people maybe think I’m exaggerating or holding on to that 1 sixteenth of an ethnicity which is absolutely not the case or else I would mention countries such as Scotland and China where I have minimal ancestry history. I usually get this question asked to me a lot as I don’t look like my other family members (I’m quite fair skin & they are all darker than me) & I also don’t look like I’m from on particular country. I’ve been mistaken for “mixed race” all my life and often received questions such as “which one of your parents is white?” & “So, have you & your sister got different dad’s” which is quite uncomfortable, rude and insensitive (we are full blood sisters). When it comes to ethnicity questions in surveys my answers vary all the time depending on the options from Black British, Black Other & Mixed Other.
I remember when I was younger telling my mum “I wish I could just say I’m from one country” Or “I wish I were only from 2 countries” to make my life easier. My response usually changes depending who I’m talking to. When people of white origin ask me where I’m from, usually I can say “I’m Caribbean & South American” and this would be good enough for them then we can move on. However, the majority of the time this answer doesn’t work with people of Black origin & other ethnicities, they like to know EXACTLY what country you’re from. This is where I have 3 options:
1. I either state all 5 countries which I absolutely hate!
2. State the 5 countries according to my mum & dad’s side e.g. on both sides I have Portuguese, Guyanese, then on my mum’s side I have Brazilian and Trinidadian and my dad’s side Jamaican. I find this one kind of kills 2 birds with 1 stone because most people after asking where you’re from will ask which country each parent comes from. I also finds that this sort of “breaks down” the list of countries and doesn’t sound so excessive (It probably does but not as much as option 1)
3. Be awkward AF & try to avoid the question. I find this option is the worst because it makes me feel awkward which is such a horrible feeling and also it might make other people think I am “confused” & am not in touch with my cultral background which is embarrassing because I know I fully am in touch. This option usually happens by accident because I sometimes panic if I’m not ready for the question as stupid as it sounds!
This day at 23 years old I’m still trying to find a “simple” answer instead of screaming an essay every time I get asked this question. Such a good post Mabel! I haven’t seen one like this before that addresses the topic straight on.
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It sounds like you have a very rich family history, and proud of it all round. I can only imagine how people might react when you tell them you come from five different countries – they could even expect you to say more. People so often make assumptions that we are somewhere based on skin colour; they might be wrong and we might want to correct them because their assumptions can paint a false impression of us and who we speak on behalf of. Ethnicity can be hard to define if we come from so many places and bloodlines, like in your case. By saying you’re from a certain ethnicity, you leave out the others and in a way, it’s not a completely honest response. It’s a struggle to live with.
You are so right when you say some people want to know EXACTLY what country you are from, or specifically what country you have bloodlines with, and down to the ethnic community that you *should come from and resemble. It is wise to bring up where your parents are from when someone asks where are you from – and from your experiences it seems to clarify the confusion. I also agree avoiding the question is usually the worst option. For one it makes everyone uncomfortable if you show that you don’t like the question, and this can bring on more prodding and questioning from others. Sometimes I do think a direct answer right from the get go keeps others happy and no longer curious, and you can then in turn ask them where they are from, turning the tables 😛
Thank you so much for this spirited response, Nicole. And thank you for sharing your story. It was lovely reading your experiences 🙂
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Good answers!
I typically understand people are just curious , but I also felt annoyed sometimes. So typically I ask back “where are you from?”, although it is quite obvious.
Then people will say “I’m from Belgium”, but their answer sounds like, it’s obvious ,why do you ask, meanwhile they also understand that it should not be the first thing they ask before get to know more about me as a person .
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That is so true. Some people will think it weird that you ask them ‘Where are you from?’ back, like it is almost insulting to them. In reality we all have our stories. It is a very personal question and we all should keep that in mind.
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i feel you. Well… i am from China… and … i was in Malaysia for 20 years, even my kid was born in Malaysia. You could hardly tell where i am from… based on my (English) accent… then i landed in NZ with PR. Imagine how i can explain to people where i am from… i just answer…i am Chinese and complicated… and imagine later how my kid answer this question … lol….
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Chinese and complicated…I like that way of describing yourself, and when you describe yourself that way to others, you don’t get too many other questions… 😀
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Delightfully done! 🙂
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Mabel,
I’m a first time visitor and I’m really enjoying your blog.
After seeing the pic at the top of your post and reading ” Each pair of shoes travels far and wide”, I thought for sure you were going to say, “I’m from everywhere my shoes have taken me”!
I have a sister who lives in Tasmania. I dream of visiting her one day. If fate were to allow us to meet I’d love to give you a friendly hug. Your blog on that subject brought me to your writing.
Regards,
Jim
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If I had a dollar for every time I am asked this question… I look Swedish, I have a Scottish accent but I was born in California and my roots run so deep in the Americas that I have Central American DNA. I feel your pain, Mabel.
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You are you, Kerry. Sometimes the different parts of us, our looks, the way we speak and our story make people so confused. At the end of the day, we are all different 😀
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It is a typical question, most often from Americans.
When asked, I answer the truth: “I’m a Pakistani Frog who lives in Mexico”. 🙂
(I was born in Karachi of French parents)
It really depends on who asks the question, and if you want to deliver the long or short answer.
🙂
Now Kwong? Your parents are probably Peranakan, and you probably speak Hokkien.
BTW, I was in SE Asia last year, and loved Singapore and Penang. More than any other place we visited on that trip. Can’t wait to go back. Down under is next on the list.
Cheers.
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That’s true, it depends on who asks, ‘Where are you from?’, and depending on who asks it, it could be an intrusive question or not.
Lovely to hear you had a good time around SE Asia. Each city there is so different in terms of history, modern developments, people, food and so much more 🙂
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For many Americans it is a standard question which they use among themselves. Are they from the West Coast, the East? The North, the South, midwest, etc. I’ve learnt no to worry. _)
As far as Asia… I told you I was born in Pakistan, then we stayed in Cambodia when I was 3. My first memories come from there. So it was like going “home”.
Take care Mabel.
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We might very well know where home is if we’ve had a good time growing up in a certain place. Thanks for stopping by, Brian.
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True. Though sometimes, one can “choose” a home. I’m French, born and raised abroad. I did spend time in France, but most my life away. And I only recently realized, that despite all its faults and defects, France is my home.
(Or maybe I will move to Penang?) 😉
Cheers.
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Whenever I am asked thag question I usually reply Earth.
It usually silences the asker.
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Hehe. They would probably not be expecting that answer. You could then follow up with asking what is their credit card number 😀
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LOL
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Hello Mabel. Your photograph captures beautifully that moment of looking into the world and yet holding our own space at the same time. I love your post. The caption ‘Each pair of shoes travels far and wide. Where are you from? ‘ is poetic. I like option 8! I am from two places and not English although I live in England. Summer is opening up all the parks here and the weekend is helping everyone be social. So this question is likely to be asked more than ever. Thank you for another insightful post. Lita
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Thanks for stopping by this older post, Lita. This was actually one of the first photographs I took that got me into photography. Always fun to get people to guess where you are from. It must be interesting when people met you and they wonder where you lived previously. So lovely to hear summer is there in your part of the world. Enjoy 🙂
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I wonder how many of them would be able to give you an answer if you asked them what they’re actually trying to find out. Very few, I suspect.
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If I asked them ‘Where are you from?’, they will probably laugh at me like I shouldn’t be asking that question.
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Hello Mabel.
I answer, I am from Finland. It awakes some interest among people. In the U.S.A. some says for example this way: Oh, how nice, my cousin lives in Philadelphia. They do not make different between Finland and Philadelphia. In South America, I say that I live in the northern Europe in Finland. Many years ago, when Nokia was making phones, in Egypt, they called my country by the name Nokialand!
Have a good day!
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So lovely to see you here again, Sartenada. That is so interesting to hear back in the day your country Finland was known as Nokialand. Such a cool nickname. At the end of the day, we are all from the same planet, same place. Have a good week ahead.
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